Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”

Angry drunk girl to Guido friend she's dragging along: Hey, it's Laura*! (yelling) Hey you, Laura, you fucking slut! I heard you fucked Tommy*! You fucked my boyfriend, you fucking whore!
Laura: Hey, fuck you! I'll fuck whoever I want to fuck.
Angry drunk girl: You fucking slut! I can't fucking believe you!
Laura: Pipe down. His dick is tiny. Get a man with a real package, then I'll fuck him, and then you can complain.
Angry drunk girl: You whore!
Passerby: God, I love me some Bridge and Tunnel on a Saturday night.
Angry drunk girl: Did he just call us “Bridge and Tunnel”?! That dick!

–86th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Actually, it's WHOMever: you'll fuck WHOMever you want to fuck.

Posted on March 21, 2010
Anger Management, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Height, Infidelity, Insults, Nicknames & name calling, Penis, Sex, Strangers, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Merry Fuckmas, New York!”

Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: TR

Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.

–Broadway & 43rd

20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.

–Stromboli's Pizza

Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!

–135th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Yowza

Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.

–Xmas Tree Stand, High School

Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.

–Staples, Union Square

Overheard by: Damon H.

Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?

–Carnegie Hall

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Celebrations/Parties, Clerks, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Satan, Store, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Time, Travel, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Dial “M” for Wednesday One-Liner

Man with entourage: So I killed one just before I went to sleep. (entourage laughs) Yeah, and I left it on her ceiling as a warning.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Dude walking down street: And if I kill him, I'm certified to bring him back to life…

–Brooklyn

Old man to another: You know, I don't even give a shit if I die anymore!

–E 84th St

Girl to friend: Why would you put the poison in milk?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michela

20-something guy: Fucking corduroy! I've gotta tell ya, I fucking love corduroy! I swear to god, I'd kill for corduroy!

–J.Crew Men's Store

Overheard by: Pedro

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Death, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Laughter, Love, Men, Murder, Old People, One-liners, Questions, Store, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Look Good Enough to Eat

Boy: Ew! Honey and ass!?

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Guy to friend: I felt like her eyes were going to eat my face.

–Bleecker & Charles

Overheard by: Jacob

40-something man to 20-something girl: I just wanna nibble your birthmark.

–5th Ave & 9th St

Guy against pillar: I'll suck your ass… If you want it.

–J Train

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boys, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Licking, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Have No Trouble Getting Dates

Girl on bench, to guy in whose arms she is snuggled: Get your shit together and decide if you like men or women before you come around trying to date me!

–Battery Park

Woman to friend: What's with all these bi-colored, bi-curious tomatoes?

–Farmers Market, Union Square

Overheard by: Dave

Thug on cell: Yo! You didn't know that? (pause) Yeah man, he love pussy, but he love dick too!

–6th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Drunk blonde: I like both black guys and white guys. Does that make me bi?

–Joshua Tree Bar, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Mon

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Battery Park, Colors, Dating, Drunks, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Think They Are Drinking Responsibly

Girl, as friends individually dart across street: The drunks go marching one by one, hooray, hooray!

–49th & 2nd

20-something blonde on cell outside bar: Are you drinking tonight? If not, I just want to see where you're at. Yeah, I'm drinking. I told you there's nothing I wouldn't do with you!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: maria

Girl on cell: I really miss being hungover with you. Some of my best moments were spent hungover with you…

–Union Square

Overheard by: winkinthecity

Girl, getting out of car: Man, I can't drink no more, but I tell you, I feel fiiiiiiinnneee. (girl gets back in car, which drives away)

–69th St & Narrows Ave

Overheard by: Domi

Youngish guy to youngish gal: Well, that won't stop her, she can drink through the window!

–6th Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Eve

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Relationships, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I'd Stay Upwind

Man to girl and friend: Excuse me, excuse me, are you New Yorkers?
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I'm from Jersey, what do you want?
Man: I'm promoting a spa on 5th Avenue where you can get very clean.
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I like being dirty. Goodbye!
(man looks surprised)
Girl's friend: She wasn't coming on to you. She means actually dirty.

–Penn Station

Posted on March 15, 2010
B & T, Cleanliness, Comebacks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Questions, Words

I've Been Told That's Not an Option

Pissed dude: That woman is such an uptight asshole!
Bemused friend: Dude, she just needs to get laid–you should totally fuck her!
Pissed dude: I'll fucking kill her!
Bemused friend: With your dick!

–10th St & 4th Ave

Posted on March 14, 2010
Friends, Guys, Insults, Murder, Penis, Sex, Threats, Union Square and East Village

…I've Seen Your Nature Valley

Teen girl: I've got that thing where the inside of your nose smells like Nutri-Grain bars, you know?
Friend: Umm…
Teen girl: Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!

–9th Ave