How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Average-sized woman on cell: He said "big boned." Yeah, "you're a big boned girl… Like your dad, kinda big boned." (pause) Yeah, so, I didn't really feel like eating much after that.

–Queens

Overheard by: bdlilrbt

Girl to friend: I always think I'm a thin person, but then I look into the mirror and realize I'm not.

–3rd & 13th

Super skinny Japanese girl: I brought my juice with me. Then I ordered dessert. But my juice just looked better than eating dessert.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: dignell

Middle aged women to friend: Yeah, we took her in for a few weeks. She was fine, but didn't eat much. But that's because she kind of has an eating disorder. (they burst out into a fit of laughter)

–F Train

Girl getting soda to friend: You know, it's the ice that makes you fat. I heard that somewhere.

–Cafeteria, Marymount Manhattan

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on March 31, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Food, Friends, Girls, Japanese, Laughter, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Psychology, Queens, Skinny People, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Real Sob Story

Cute girl on Penn station escalator: I dipped my dim sum in her tears!

–NJ Transit

Man in running gear on cell: I never get to, but I'm going to try again. I just hope I don't cry!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Daniel

Girl to friend: I cried so hard it went down and under my armpit.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: porter

Bartender: I'll bet he cries when he masturbates.

–MacDougal & W 3rd

Overheard by: Greg

Woman to friends: My vagina is leaking tears right now.

–5th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Zoe

Posted on March 31, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bartenders, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Ethnic Food, Friends, Girls, Masturbation, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Your Editors Would Prefer Never to Hear About Gummi Bear Again.

Dude to friend: You know what I mean, right?
Friend: Yeah, you mean he's rich, right?
Dude: Yeah, he's rich, but he's not independently wealthy. I mean, if he didn't have all that money, he wouldn't be rich.

–88th St & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: P. Marino

Posted on March 28, 2010
Friends, Guys, Money & Class, Philosophy, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I Bought This Jaunty Monocle for Just Such an Occasion

Punk kid, noticing sirens and flashing lights in the distance: I wanna go down there!
Friend: I don't care.
Punk kid: But I wanna be on Eyewitness News!

–57th b/w 3rd & 2nd

Overheard by: tori

Posted on March 27, 2010
Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, News, Punks, TV, Wishes & desires

Any Weirder Than Eating the Body Of Christ? Weigh In, Readers!

High school girl to raucous group of friends: Oh man, remember the time we dared him to lick the church?
Group of friends: (wild laughter)

–Outside Grace Church, Broadway & 10th St

Posted on March 27, 2010
Church, Friends, Girls, Laughter, Licking, Students, The Village, Weirdness

You Don't Really Know Someone 'til You Wednesday One-Liner With Them

Girl: I haven't told my new roommate that our upstairs neighbor sounds like the Count when she's having sex.

–L Train

Man to two female companions: Don't you hate it when you go into your bathroom and find your roommate's pubes on the sink?

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Sarah

Jersey mom: We're so lucky she got a good roommate, one that doesn't stay up late or listen to rock music.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Liz

Guy to friend: If you are 35 and living in New York with 3 roommates, you should just shoot yourself, right?

–Outside Whole Foods, Union Square

Confused NYU male: The only people I would consider hooking up with are like, my roommate and like, Carl, my cousin.

–University Place & E 9th

Posted on March 24, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Fordham, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hair, Health and Hygiene, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Moms, Music, On the Subway, Parents, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Suicide, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Whole Foods

Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”

Angry drunk girl to Guido friend she's dragging along: Hey, it's Laura*! (yelling) Hey you, Laura, you fucking slut! I heard you fucked Tommy*! You fucked my boyfriend, you fucking whore!
Laura: Hey, fuck you! I'll fuck whoever I want to fuck.
Angry drunk girl: You fucking slut! I can't fucking believe you!
Laura: Pipe down. His dick is tiny. Get a man with a real package, then I'll fuck him, and then you can complain.
Angry drunk girl: You whore!
Passerby: God, I love me some Bridge and Tunnel on a Saturday night.
Angry drunk girl: Did he just call us “Bridge and Tunnel”?! That dick!

–86th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Actually, it's WHOMever: you'll fuck WHOMever you want to fuck.

Posted on March 21, 2010
Anger Management, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Height, Infidelity, Insults, Nicknames & name calling, Penis, Sex, Strangers, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Merry Fuckmas, New York!”

Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: TR

Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.

–Broadway & 43rd

20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.

–Stromboli's Pizza

Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!

–135th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Yowza

Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.

–Xmas Tree Stand, High School

Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.

–Staples, Union Square

Overheard by: Damon H.

Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?

–Carnegie Hall