Man to girl and friend: Excuse me, excuse me, are you New Yorkers?
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I'm from Jersey, what do you want?
Man: I'm promoting a spa on 5th Avenue where you can get very clean.
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I like being dirty. Goodbye!
(man looks surprised)
Girl's friend: She wasn't coming on to you. She means actually dirty.
–Penn Station
Pissed dude: That woman is such an uptight asshole!
Bemused friend: Dude, she just needs to get laid–you should totally fuck her!
Pissed dude: I'll fucking kill her!
Bemused friend: With your dick!
–10th St & 4th Ave
Teen girl: I've got that thing where the inside of your nose smells like Nutri-Grain bars, you know?
Friend: Umm…
Teen girl: Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!
–9th Ave
Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America.
–Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th
Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it.
–1 Train
Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing.
–7th & 31st
Overheard by: Greg
Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight.
–6th Ave & 54th St
Overheard by: Dale
Mother, during tour: I noticed a lot of students have piercings. Can you recommend a good place around here?
–NYU
Grad student on cell: Hey, it's me. Tomorrow, dress appropriately. It's supposed to be 65, so I'll bring a frisbee. Afterward, I want to go to your place because there's certain things I want to do, and your place is much more (pause) conducive for certain activities.
–NYU
Overheard by: DrNels
Girl to another: I used to drink sangria before my classes at NYU.
–Rockefeller Center
NYU student to friend: Man, you gotta remember, you gotta know–you have to stuff that bitch. You gotta know.
–Weinstein Hall, University Place
NYU law student: You know what I love about this building? It smells like a new BMW.
–NYU Law Building
Deli worker: Dude, did you just see those girls walk by outside?
Friend: Damn, dude, those girls are walking around like their shit don't stink! And it definitely doesn't.
Deli worker: Yeah, tell me about it!
Friend: Seriously, bro, I'd let both of them fart in my mouth!
–Deli, Greenpoint
20-something college girl: So then they started to call me “zitty-titties”!
Friend: I told you to pop those!
–NYU
Overheard by: That's embarrassing
Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.
–R Train
Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: melissa
Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.
–Union Square
Overheard by: smoking on the stoop
Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.
–17th St & Broadway
White male to group of friends: I thought she was really into me… Then I turned around and she was kissing Mary.
–Pace University
Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?
–Central Park
Young boy to friend: Wow, lesbians kissing! I've only seen that on the internet!
–Grand Central Station
Black man to two men and two women making out indiscriminately: I thought all y'alls was gay, but now y'alls kissin' each other. I don't know what to think.
–Splash Bar
Girl, loudly in silent computer lab: Is Sunday one word or two?
Friend, avoiding glares from students around the lab: One?
Girl, showing friend Word document with “sun day” written in it: It doesn't say that I'm spelling it wrong!
–Computer Lab, Columbia University
