Hipster white guy: You got mad abortion issues, yo!
Hipster white chick: Yeah.
–Motor City Bar
Hipster white guy: You got mad abortion issues, yo!
Hipster white chick: Yeah.
–Motor City Bar
(during a game of wiffleball)
Guy #1: Dammit, Scott hit the fucking ball!
Guy #2: Shut up, Dave! Why are you so fucking fat?!
Guy #1: I'm fat? Well, why do you still have an incurable shitting disease?
Guy #2: Because it's incurable…dick!
–Tillary St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dan Fuckin' Murphy
Hipster girl: Well they said her nose was going to fall off or something, so she actually hired this dude to blow the coke up her ass. Like, that was his job.
Hipster guy: I'm jealous.
Hipster girl: I know. I have a new respect for Fleetwood Mac.
–Baluchi's, East Village
Guy #1: The new Harry Potter is coming out this summer; you should read the book with me before the movie is released.
Guy #2: If I wanted to read a book filled with stories of sorcery, I'd read the bible.
Guy #1: (mouth drops open)
–Artapasta, Soho
Conductor: This is the train from Grand Central to North White Plains. Next stop is Botanic Gardens. We do not go to Canada. Next stop is Botanic Gardens.
–Metro-North Train
Guy with heavy Brooklyn accent: I don't want to go to a place like Canada if I don't know where it is!
–Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Mike
20-something preppy boy (yelling into his phone): It's not racist to hate Canadians! Canadians are not a race!
–8th St & 6th Ave
Man on cell: What? He jumped off a bridge? You have to be Canadian to jump off a bridge!
–Times Square
Tourist: Man, I'm way too Canadian for this escalator.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: escal-eh?-tor
Hobo: Can you spare a donation to the united negro pizza fund?
–120th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Mikey T
Hobo: Would you like to make a donation to the united negro pastrami fund?
–21st & Park Ave
Overheard by: Lawrence C
Hobo: Hello ladies, would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund?
–Broadway, SoHo
Bum on street: Please give to the united negro pizza fund.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Squid
Hobo: Contribute to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund!
–Prince & Wooster
Black hobo to tourists: Would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami fund?
–Bleecker & Leroy
Overheard by: Lynn
Hobo: Please give to to the united negro pizza fund. A pepperoni is a terrible thing to waste. (30 minutes later) What's the best nation? A do-nation!
–Outside Buddha Bar
Crazy hobo outside strip club: Good morning! (girl ignores him) I said "Good morning!" (girl keeps walking, not looking at him) Fine! I take it back!
–Broadway & 53rd St
Overheard by: JoBell
Bag lady to tourists: Hey, people! Welcome to New York City! Can you buy me a hot dog?
–Wall Street
Hobo: Hey! Can I borrow fifty million dollars for the weekend?!
–14th St
Hobo on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please! My name is Al, but you can caaaaaaaaalllllll me…homeless.
–L Train
Homeless guy: Hi everyone, my name is Eddie. Some people call me Homeless Ed, or Homeless for short. I know some of you hate homeless people. I didn't use to be homeless. I had a house, a job, and even a girlfriend. And my girlfriend had a girlfriend, so here I am.
–Uptown F Train
Lispy overweight hobo: Hey, sweetie! If I do some scenes from Days of Our Lives, will you help me out with two dollars?
–W 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Drunk dude getting restrained: No, you don't understand. I could murder anyone! Not like my family. My family's all pussies… They're all Ricky Martin!
–Outside Nightcaps, Midwood
Dreadlocked lesbian: I can feel in my heart of hearts that you'll be okay, baby. You didn't kill anybody, you paid a guy to kill somebody.
–Lesbian Bar, Park Slope
Overheard by: gvw
Elderly Eastern European woman to elderly man: A dyke can kill three thousand woman! Most killer in de' world!
–Bedford Avenue & N 10th St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ken Thompson
Little boy exiting bathroom: You're not the only one alive here!
–Regal Cinemas, Union Square
Overheard by: MeiLi
Girl to friend: If I died, and you heard about it–please burn me.
–Astoria, 21st St
Professional woman to another: Well, because I know that you are opposed to genocide and everything…
–Union Square
Three-year-old black girl stabbing at her SpaghettiO's: Die cracker die!
–Day Care Center, Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn
Male kickballer: You know, I always like waking up with two testicles!
–Queensboro Oval, 59th & York
Overheard by: Me too
Bag lady outside of a shelter to another: Men think all they got to do is show us their dick and balls and we gonna be mesmerized.
–30th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Beef Cheeks
Gay guy: Yeah, I stopped watching that game after he started dressing up like a woman and kicking photographers in the balls.
–Park Ave & 20th St
Overheard by: fey
High school girl wrapping arms around other girl's shoulders: Suck my balls.
–60th b/w Broadway & Columbus
Overheard by: Krisztina
Crazy guy to suit: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
Suit: Get the fuck away from me before I stab you.
–D Train
Overheard by: Oh snap!
