Toddler, pointing to the Bronx on subway map: What?
Father: Yeah! That's the Bronx, baby girl! Yankee stadium. Better than the Mets and you best not forget! The Mets suck! The Yankees stink, but the Mets suck.
–L Train
Toddler, pointing to the Bronx on subway map: What?
Father: Yeah! That's the Bronx, baby girl! Yankee stadium. Better than the Mets and you best not forget! The Mets suck! The Yankees stink, but the Mets suck.
–L Train
Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.
–Washington Square Park
Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.
–City Hall
Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi
Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.
–11th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!
–8th Ave & 42nd St
Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.
–33rd St.
Overheard by: Rio
High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?
–St. Paul's Catholic Church
English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!
–English Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"
–126 Bus
Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Jas
Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.
–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn
Overheard by: LP
Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.
–Restaurant Row
Overheard by: Al-master
Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Helena
Professor: I hate that bitch so much, I will give you all As for this semester if you sabotage her class.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
Four-year-old boy to mom holding up newspaper clipping of female model: I can't use this, I hate women!
–Union Square
Overheard by: amused
Little blonde girl sitting at table with parents: I hate everyone!
–48th St & 30th Ave
Overheard by: kteezy
Loud girl to man at the counter: Hey, what are you looking at me like that for? (man at the counter shakes head) You know damn well what I am talking about…I love you too. (pause) Nawwww, just kidding…I hate your stinky ass.
–Deli, Nostrand Ave & Kings Highway
Small boy, gleefully: I hate Joe the plumber. Joe, Joe, Joe…I hate Joe.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: me too…
Mom to crying baby: Oh my god, shut the hell up!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Jay
Guido #1, outside gay bar, putting arm around another: Are you aware that this is the faggot spot?
Guido #2: Get the fuck off me, man!
–Union Square
Overheard by: amused
British teen: My god, Americans are so stupid. And they're everywhere.
British mom: Oh, darling… I know, bloody morons. So stupid.
(a block later)
British teen: Mum, where's the Empire State Building?
British mom: Oh honey, that's in Chicago.
–7th and 48th
Drunk loud Jersey girl: Fuck you! Just go to the fucking PATH train, alright? (walks away angrily)
Drunker Jersey guy, yelling: I told you she wants to fuck me!
–Caroline's on Broadway
Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?
–14th St
Overheard by: Argopelter
Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.
–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!
–Financial District
Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!
–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: oh really?
Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Meagan O.
Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!
–University Place & 10th St
Overheard by: queenofscots
Hare Krishna guy hawking meditation books: I hate this fucking city, fucking assholes. Fuck. Fuck this city!
–Union Square Station
Girl on phone: So, how's Dan? (pause) Oh, fuck Dan!
–South Ferry Terminal
Teenage boy to another in idling train: We made up an expression just to see if he would start saying it too. We started saying "fuck my dick!" Like, I dropped my pencil and said "fuck my dick!" You know? And he started sayin' that shit, yo!
–G Train
Overheard by: lucyruth
Guy on cell: Listen, I can fuck whoever the fuck I wanna fuck, whenever the fuck I wanna fuck. I choose not to fuck you.
–42nd St b/w 3rd & Lexington
Overheard by: julie f
Late 40s suit to another: Yeah, so I say to him, just to be polite,"yeah, I'd fuck her", then he says "yeah, but I'd fuck her after you were done with her!"
–Met Life Building
Conductor: Please move all the way in, please, people, move all the way in, stand clear of the closing doors. People! (turns microphone off, shouts) Nobody fucking listens to me!
–F Train
Overheard by: BLAH
