It's Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch!

Angry suit chick on phone: No, I am your second bitch, but I still love you!

–41st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: That guy has his hands full

Cute activist girl, after extended conversation about Kwame Kilpatrick: I mean, you can't just kill a bitch and expect no one to notice!

–LaGuardia Airport

NYU sudent: She's like one of those fabulous bitches though, you know?

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Me too Honey

Guy on cell: A dog show, like where you pick up bitches!

–23rd Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Xavier

College student to friend: I really want to bump into him. Condescending comes across so much better in person. (pause) And I can't wait to be a sarcastic bitch!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Pola

Ex-con to group of friends: I don't mean shit to a bitch! (looks over at a terrified hipstergirl next to him. He takes off his hat) I mean. I have very little value to most ladies.

–C Train

Overheard by: Tim Roth

Posted on November 5, 2008
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Promiscuity, Queens, Relationships, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…Okay, Everybody, This Is a Stick-Up

Bus driver, to man hanging from steps of full bus: Shit, man! You ain't seen five hundred people up in here? And five thousand behind ya?
Man hanging from steps: You ain't seen the whole county up my ass? Three buses gone by, ain't even stop!
Bus driver: It is illegal for me to drive with the door open!
Man hanging from steps: Kiss my ass, it is illegal for me to miss work on parole!

–Borough Hall Bus Stop

Overheard by: Tara

Posted on November 3, 2008
Bus Drivers, Crime and Punishment, Insults, Jobs & Careers, On the Bus, Passengers, Public Transportation

Bruno Exceeds His Daily Civility Quota

Tourist: Is this our stop?
Helpful stranger: This train only got one stop!
Tourist: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know. This is my first time on a subway!
Helpful stranger: Then get the fuck away from me! I don't want no tourist cooties!

–S Train

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on November 3, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Apologies, Comebacks, Insults, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Tourism, Tourists

Small Talk, New York Style

Black hobo to passing tourist: Where you from?
Tourist: Ireland.
Black hobo: You Irish?
Tourist: Yeah.
Black hobo: Well, god bless the Irish. And god bless the Italians. And fuck everyone else!

–8th Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Doug Tischler

Posted on November 1, 2008
Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Foreigners, Hobos, Insults, Questions

…Oh– Hi, Mom

Bus driver: We have no more room on this bus. There is another right behind me.
Angry black woman in line: Let me on!
Bus driver: Look, lady, there is no room on this bus!
Angry black woman: You won't let me on because I'm black!
Black teen: It's not because you black, nigga, it's because you a stupid selfish motherfucka.

–M14 Bus

Overheard by: Student Teacher

Posted on November 1, 2008
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Black People, Bus Drivers, Insults, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Race, Teens

Sorey Asses Are What We Had After That Bondage Seminar

Girl, reading Hydrocortisone cream label: What is “sorey asses”?
Friend: It's “psoriasis,” asshole!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on October 30, 2008
Ass, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Illness, Insults, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday Ugliners

Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Dazzle

Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich

Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!

–45th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Culturally Challenged

20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.

–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant

Overheard by: elephantgiraffe

Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.

–McCarren Park Pool

Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people

Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."

–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave

Posted on October 29, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Beauty, Bimbettes, Biotechs, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Crazies, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Idiots, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queer guys, Race, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Travel, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

People Going Bananas and Everything

Large man yelling amidst Friday shopping crowds: Yeah, you best be walking on, you fucking gorilla! You a fucking gorilla bitch! That's right, a gorilla bitch! You holding back the race!
Hipster passing by: God, I missed my city.

–Union Square

Posted on October 26, 2008
Animals & Nature, Crazies, Hipsters, Insults, Race, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Will Slap You Like a Red-Headed Stepchild

Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.

–A Bus

Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.

–5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!

–139th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!

–20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn

Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Got Knocked Out

Posted on October 22, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Bus, Couples, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kick, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Punch, Subway conductors, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

The Passion of the Wednesday One-Liner

Tourist lady on cell: Well, the last I heard she wasn't even sure what her relationship with Jesus is anymore.

–Starbucks, 42nd & 8th

Annoyed dressed-up girl to friend: I mean, I'm not hating on Jesus. It's just that he's not my man like he's your man. I don't hop into bed with him every night!

–25th St & 7th Ave

Woman walking by street dancers: By the dangling testes of Christ on the cross!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Lauren

Curly-haired chick: You've found *other* people's fatal flaws–baggage, Jesus, etcetera.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

NYU student: Well, you know things always get complicated when Jesus comes into the picture.

–Cooper Square

Controversial professor: Does anyone have anything nice to say about Jesus, that poor son of a bitch?

–Columbia University