[At a Thurston Moore solo show]Girl in front of crowd: Thurston, who are you going to vote for?
Thurston Moore: The black dude or the chick. … Actually, fuck ’em all.
–Knitting Factory
[At a Thurston Moore solo show]Girl in front of crowd: Thurston, who are you going to vote for?
Thurston Moore: The black dude or the chick. … Actually, fuck ’em all.
–Knitting Factory
Obnoxious Latino #1: Man, that guy was such a faggot! With that mohawk and those gay-ass glasses.
Obnoxious Latino #2: Hey, I’m wearing the same glasses.
[Silence.]
–1 Train
Flyer guy, after trying to give suit a flyer: Hey man, nice tie.
Suit turns around: Thanks! Nice! [Looks flyer guy up and down.] Actually, you look like shit.
–71st & Continental, Forest Hills
Guy: That’s the house George Washington grew up in.
Girl: Wait, really?
Guy: No, you dumb bitch. Why did I ever marry you?
–70th Ave, Forest Hills, Queens
Overheard by: emma
Teenage JAP #1: Oh, mother of God! Your kids are driving me insane!
Teenage JAP #2: There is no mother of God, you idiot.
–Jerusalem 2 Pizza, Ave J
Overheard by: Frombklyn
Four-year-old, walking with father: I can spell “Ma-ma”.
Father, to himself: Bitch didn’t teach her how to spell my name, did she?
–9th St & 2nd Ave
20-ish guy: Maybe I’ll get another drumstick this time.
Friend: Or another fuck you.
–Brand New Concert, Blender Theatre, Gramercy
Tourist: Can you tell me where grand zero is?
Lady: You mean ground zero?
Tourist: Yes, I guess it is the same thing, okay…
Lady pointing straight ahead: Walk straight ahead. You see the big gap in the sky? There you go.
Tourist: Wait. I don’t see anything. What, its all gone already?
Lady: Are you retarded?
–Corner of Church & Reade
Girl: So do you have any kids?
Guy: No, but if I had a daughter I’d name her Kayla.
Girl: I know a Kayla. She’s a fucking crazy bitch.
–West 4th & 6th Ave
Drunk, angry Puerto Rican girl to boyfriend: You had to make me smell like fuckin’ Chinese food on new year’s eve!
–Grand St & Graham Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: someone who happily had a different New Year’s date, and wonders whether there is a Designer Imposters version of such a scent.
Disgusted McDonald’s patron: This shit smells worse than a hobo’s taint!
–14 & Broadway
Overheard by: Shemp
Man, entering subway car: Son, it smells like home depot in here.
–4 Train
Drunk sorostitute on cell: It smelled fine. It was just a febreeze gone awry!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Queer: I can’t wait to move out of this decrepit office building. A couple of days ago a mouse died in the walls -you remember what that smells like. The guys in the office said: "Maybe it’ll go away after a week," but I told them it’s just going to get worse, so now they want to bring in some awful air freshener thing. Someone is already spraying that stuff in the men’s room, and it’s got a nasty artificial orange scent, so it smells like someone shat on a fruit basket.
–28th & Park
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl with a huge ugly weave: I smell fried chicken! [Pauses.] … Oh, it’s prolly me. [Keeps walking.]
–Library, Washington Irving High School
