Girl, as she passes out cards: Jesus loves you!
Passerby: Actually, Jesus and I haven’t really gotten along since my people killed him. But thanks!
–43rd & Broadway
Girl, as she passes out cards: Jesus loves you!
Passerby: Actually, Jesus and I haven’t really gotten along since my people killed him. But thanks!
–43rd & Broadway
Running jaywalker: The worst car to get hit by is a Mini Cooper!
–University & 10th St
Overheard by: Knows trucks that beg to differ
Old man crossing the street, on cell: I’m crossing the fucking street!
–42nd & Broadway
Guy wearing yarmulke, to friend: Hey, watch out! Just because you’re Jewish doesn’t mean cars won’t run you over.
–Columbus Circle
Tourist suit to other suit: New Yorkers are so rude. Just wait till you see how they all cross the street at red lights!
–Metro North Train to Grand Central
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Cop on loudspeaker, to Asian bimbo tourist trying to walk down the middle of Canal St: Sidewalks are open to the public. Please use them.
–Canal Street
Overheard by: F Tourists
[Two cops are waiting at the light. A woman jaywalks and almost gets hit by a car.]
Male cop: Phew! That would have been a lot of paper work.
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Aimee
Straight Jewish boy: Oh, man, with going now to see the Assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford, plus I saw 3:10 to Yuma last week, I’m going to have seen two westerns in the past two weeks. I feel so manly.
Hipster girl: Don’t worry, we can go get you a throw pillow later.
–Outside the Angelika
Hipster guy: I mean, she’s a Jewish. She’s not, like, a bad person, I think.
–44th & 9th
Overheard by: …right.
Dude: He’s that kind of super-serious Jew that doesn’t touch women. I think they call it ‘Hava Nagila.’
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Middle school girl trying to catch snowflakes in her mouth: These snowflakes are so antisemitic! They won’t go in my mouth!
–110th & Amsterdam
Blonde on cell: I just don’t see us working out. All my friends hate you, my mom hates you, and even my dog hates you… My mom hates you because you’re not Jewish… Yes, I’m aware I’m Catholic… Because Jews are financially secure!
–Starbucks, Upper West Side
Frustrated Jewish guy: I mean, look at these people and their Red Sox yarmulkes! What is this world coming to?!
–Judaism Debate, Cooper Union
Shiksa seeing menorah-shaped chocolates: Oooh, combs!
–Party, W 72nd & Broadway
Voice on PA system: Attention — if you want to preach, we ask that you please move around the boat. Again, don’t stand in one place; please continue moving around the boat if you want to preach.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Kate
Crazy guy: Ladies and gentlemen, the Bible says that the fire will come in the form of locusts. Ladies and gentlemen, the Apache helicopter created by the U.S. Army is in the shape of locusts. If you don’t believe me, look it up. Please believe me, ladies and gentlemen…
–2 train
Overheard by: beeloo
God Squad guy: Let Jesus be your lawyer! OJ Simpson, Michael Jackson — what did they have? Good lawyers! On Judgment Day, you’re going to need a lawyer! Let Jesus represent you!
–Roosevelt Ave station
Overheard by: How come Jesus didn’t represent himself at the Crucifiction?
Black Jewish preacher: Bad boy, bad boy — whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when Jesus come for you?
–21st St
Man: Everything you see belongs to the Lord. He is willing to save your soul. [Cell phone rings, and he answers] Hi, honey… I’m in the Bronx, preaching… I told you last night, remember? I said, ‘God is telling me to preach in the Bronx.’ Yes, I did tell you! [Hisses] You never fucking listen!
–6 train
Little old Jewish lady #1: So that Moses — who was his mother? Why’d they put him in that basket, anyway?
Little old Jewish lady #2: I think it was because they were going to kill him… Something like that.
Little old Jewish lady #1: It’s so sad when loving families break up like that. They should’ve given him to a cousin.
–Chinese restaurant, 16th & 3rd
Overheard by: ysabet
Jewish kid: Are these hot dogs AIDS-free?
Hispanic vendor, defensive: No, ese, no!
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Lynne
Blonde: Do you have a first name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: Yes.
Blonde: Do you have a last name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: Yes.
Blonde: Do you have a middle name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: No.
Blonde: Well, I wanna annoy you. What’s your conformation name?
Freakishly tall pale kid: I’m Jewish.
Blonde: So?
–21st & 1st
Jewish guy, to young white couple: Excuse me, are you Jewish?
Hobo: Man, do they fucking look Jewish?! Leave them the fuck alone, and get the hell outta here!
–9th & 2nd
Overheard by: 54
Headline by: Michael DeLong
Runners-Up:
· “Go Circumcise Somebody Else!” – John
· “Jesus Returns to Do Some Street Work” – Sim Etrias
· “Let My People Go, Bitch!” – jenna
· “Moses Had Such A Temper” – Dion
· “Sorry, Didn’t Notice He Was Short One Foreskin.” – Sheathed
· “Where Can I Get a Hobo Bodyguard?” – Ashley
20-ish WASP in fur coat on cell: Don’t you have a bowl? [Sigh] Do you have a bottle of tonic or, like, an apple or a traffic cone? Well, I’m sure there is something in your apartment I can make a bong out of.
80-ish Jewish woman: That’s an inappropriate conversation if I ever heard one…
20-ish WASP in fur coat: Whatever, that was my boss.
–Elevator, 62nd & 2nd
