Wednesday One-Liners, If You Know What I Mean

Woman to security guard: Excuse me, did you see a man with a really large package? I'm looking for a man with a large package. Did he come by yet?

–51st St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rob

LIRR worker, yelling over tracks to another who is carrying huge bolt fastener: Hey! Nice nuts!

–Woodside Station

Overheard by: Jobee

Lab instructor, showing students how to breathe carbon dioxide by blowing into the test tube through a straw: Don't blow too hard, or else the whole thing will come up all over your face.

–Biology Lab, Hunter College

Overheard by: did anyone else catch that?

Very old woman to decorative hardware salesman: It's become such a problem–I just can't seem to keep my knobs tight anymore!

–Gracious Home, 67th St & Broadway

Mother waiting for kid in the bathroom: Billy, will you stop singing and just come?

–Waiting Room, Grand Central

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, BJs, Coworkers, Cum, Grand Central, Height, Hunter, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, Private Parts, Questions, Rack, Security Guards, Store, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Plug-and-Play Wednesday One-Liners

Female tv & radio producer: I don't understand how women can have kids today when there are Blackberries.

–Bloomberg

Overheard by: Yalie09

Man to woman at bar: That's the beauty of freezers!

–Bar, 13th St

Woman, to nobody in particular: Excuse me, but does anyone know how to use a Blackberry? I just got it today.

–Long Island Railroad

Girl on cell: It's not my fault, it's the technology.

–W Houston & Hudson St

14-year-old boy to mother: She spends hers on books, markers; on beads for her hair; I spent mine on this PDA to organize my life!

–F Train

Overheard by: ap.scigaj

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Blackberry, Books & Writing, Computer, Fashion, Gadgets, Girls, Hair, Kids, Long Island, Men, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Soho, Store, Stupidity, Teens, Weirdness, Women

All Your Toys, Sure

Mother to six-year-old son: Of course I love you! You are my son, I love every bit of you!
Son: Even my balls?

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: Juan Chung

Posted on December 8, 2008
Balls, Family Ties, Grand Central, Kids, Love, Moms, Train Station

A Pox on You and Your Substitute Religion!

Five-year-old girl to five-year-old friend: The earth doesn't belong to us, we belong to the earth. Did you know that?
Friend (frustrated): Yeah, I know!

–Co-op Eevator, Queens

Posted on December 7, 2008
Animals & Nature, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Queens

Mom Wanted a Girl

Mom, entering subway in Harlem with two-year-old son: Honey, just go sit on the floor.
(son begins to sit, mom laughs) No! Don't do that! I'm just messing with you!

–A Train

Overheard by: adam h.

Posted on December 4, 2008
Babies, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Laughter, Moms, On the Subway, Weirdness

If Mommy's Meds Hold Out That Long!

Upbeat mom to seven and nine-year-old daughters: And then we'll go to the family garden and then we'll go to the children's garden!
Elder daughter (sighing): And then can we go shopping?

–Botanical Garden

Headline by: sam

Runners-Up:
· “Because We’re Almost Out Of Entitlement and Materialism” – Dana Lishs
· “Children Are the REAL Inconvenient Truth…” – Bojo
· “Meet America’s Greatest Patriot” – KateNonymous
· “Where We Can Sow Money and Reap Prada” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Why the Hilton Sisters Like Daddy More” – Brittlee

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on December 4, 2008
Family Ties, Headline Contest Winners, Kids, Moms, Parks, Questions, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, The Bronx

Wednesday One-Liners Put Their Jammies on

Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there.

–Belle Harbor, Queens

Overheard by: redxdress

Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills…

–Staten Island Ferry

Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night…

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stepheb

Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night.

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: We were all thinking it

Posted on December 3, 2008
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Celebrations/Parties, Dads, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Queens, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Bump in the Night

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

Posted on December 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Girls, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Suits, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Smart Money Says She's Not the First Child

Little girl (holding stomach and hunched over in pain): Owwww, my belly!
Dad, calmly: Now, Rebeca, don't be overdramatic. You are very fine.

–Central Park Zoo

Posted on December 1, 2008
Body Parts, Central Park, Dads, Family Ties, Kids

Grandpa's Been Acting Weird Since He Got Feathered Bangs

Little boy: Grandpa, how are we going to get home?
Grandpa: (flaps his arms like he is a flying bird)

–6 Train

Overheard by: Meg.

Posted on December 1, 2008
Birds, Families, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions

Kids