College dude in enthusiastic conversation: I would totally be a cat-sniffer.
–113th St & Broadway
Tall man in heavy German accent: What do you mean the cat can't take a poopy because it is too loud?
–2 Train
Overheard by: Anna
Flaky professional girl: I hate when people are like, "hey, look at that dead bird! Hey, look at that dead cat!" because god, I always look first!
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: amalthya
Girl on cell: Now you need to marry him for the discounted cat food!
–10th st & 1st Ave
Young, attractive blonde: See, if we didn't get a divorce, you totally would have cheated on me.
Old, unattractive dude: Yeah, yeah. You're right.
–Home Depot
Girl #1: She was trying on wedding dresses… So she's on Prozac, but who isn't?
Girl #2: Yeah, really!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: so last season
Guy #1: So I literally threw the books at her. And I said, “What's the point anymore? We fight like cats and dogs every time…”
Guy #2: So maybe we should all move in together in one big house! And we could marry each other's wives!
Guy #3: Yeah! Maybe…?
–17th St & 7th Ave
Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch…
–Chinatown
Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.
–N Train
Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.
–Central Park
Overheard by: kate
Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.
–MegaBus, Top Deck
Overheard by: EuropanGal
20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.
–Macdougal & 4th
Overheard by: Billy H.
Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!
–Bryant Park
Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean… what's his deal?
–Broadway & 20th St
Overheard by: Cali in NYC
Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you!
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money… It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out… (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife.
–79th St & Madison
Overheard by: Anna
Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever.
–51st St & Lexington Ave
Woman: He cheated… On JDate!
–26th & 8th
Tourist man to girlfriend, pulling out a ring: Will you marry me?
Bag lady, interjecting: Has he made you come yet?
Tourist girlfriend, terrified: Um… no?
Bad lady: Don't marry him 'till he makes you come.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Kari
Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?
–Penn Station
Too young for final stage alcoholism guy: I totally held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.
–10th St & Ave A
Gangster: Next time I see him, I'ma kick him in his good leg.
–Uptown F Train
Softball-player-looking girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wedding, I'm going to punch you in the face.
–Wagner Park
Overheard by: mclaire
Young mother to others: Yeah, but you hafta be careful. You can't just hit your kids in public.
–Rivington & Essex
Overheard by: verbal abuse ftw!
Boyfriend to girlfriend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breathing.
–SoHo
Teen girl: Did you see that? I almost punched Ira's glass in the chest! That was awesome!
–AMC Theater, 19th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Katie
Mother, in front of bridal store: Those dresses are so ugly. Why would anyone wear a dress like that to their wedding?
Daughter, in stroller: Some people like ugly!
–57th & Park Ave
Guy #1: I only have one feeling left, and I'm saving it for my fourth wife.
Guy #2: I thought you were only married twice??
Guy #1: Well, how long do you think that third marriage is gonna last when she finds out I don't have any feelings for her?
–57th & Lexington
