Woman: You're getting married? You're getting married? You're getting married? To who??
Man: My wife.
Woman: Oh.
–W 3rd St & Thompson St
Overheard by: mr. pants
Woman: You're getting married? You're getting married? You're getting married? To who??
Man: My wife.
Woman: Oh.
–W 3rd St & Thompson St
Overheard by: mr. pants
Man to woman in bar: I have a hard time liking anything that quivers.
–1st Ave b/w 85th & 86th
Overheard by: Bunni
Bag lady to man eating veggie burger: Yo! You eat that shit, it gonna go through yo body an' come out yo asshole!
Man eating: Thank you, miss. I'll be careful.
Bag lady: Got a quarter?
–89th St & Amsterdam
Man #1: Got any good movies we could watch at your place?
Man #2: I've got a movie about Jews playing fiddles on their roofs or something. It's two films, it's fucking long, man, I never watched the whole thing.
–Uptown B Train
Overheard by: Tzeitel
Woman on cell: The inflatable penis and inflatable vagina are for me, mom, I figured the kids could use them as pillows.
–Broadway & Worth St
Overheard by: Hoping I never go on a car trip with this broad
Passerby to man peeing in the bushes: There's a kid coming, put your cock up!
–Union Square
Scene Soho chick: He's not gay, he just loves cock!
–Uncle Nick's Greek Cuisine, 9th Ave
Overheard by: Todd
Little boy throwing marshmallows: I hit him in the penis!
–Frankfort & Rose
Overheard by: Kristen
Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: eternal student
Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sara
Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!
–Park Ave & 31st St
Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!
–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side
Man: I got beat up a lot in high school. It made me a better person.
–College of Staten Island
Overheard by: Incredibly Amused
Little boy: You best lay the smackdown on that hoe!
–Times Square
Student: I don't get why everyone is making such a big deal about Chris Brown hitting Rihanna, it's not like he's the first man to ever hit a girl. Get over it, world!
–Manhattan College, Riverdale, The Bronx
Overheard by: Stephen
Girl on cell outside beauty salon: If I didn't have things to do tonight, I would totally just slap the crap out of that girl. Seriously.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: maybe tomorrow, then?
Woman on cell: I went through this with my daughter this morning. (pause) Yeah, okay, you can hit me, but you can't hit anybody else.
–Cookshop Restaurant
Guy: So I'm like, "can I get a lighter?" and she pulls out two, and one is literally a penis with the flame coming out the tip, and the other one is a guy doing one of these moves, and the guy's like a tripod. So I'm like, "can I get one in a normal color?"
–Chinatown
African American man describing Indian restaurant to friend: That'll put fire in yo' ass.
–Midtown
Man to stranger: Hey, can I borrow you lighter? I need to go melt something in the bathroom.
–Jamaica Station
Overheard by: Tim
Conductor: Once again, there is nothing on fire! We got it under control. We apologize for the smoke. Next stop is Newark airport. There is nothing on fire.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Where there's smoke
Woman in ridiculous fur coat: So I said, “do you want a blowjob or not?”
Bald man walking with her: I can't believe he even got it up.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Pat Q
50-year-old man with limited teeth: Do you know what time it is?
Attractive young preppy girl: Quarter to four.
50-year-old man with limited teeth: It's a quarter til I make sweet love to you.
–R Train
Overheard by: The mind boggles
