Wednesday One-Liners Don't Have Room in Their Closets Anymore

Gay guy to friend: I woke up this morning with a condom hanging out my butt. Was that you?

–Madison Square Park

Gay 30-something: Ugh, Borat quotes are like the UGG boot of conversation.

–Broadway & Spring

Really gay guy to friend: You don't know about the Holy Trinity? It's Liza, Judy and Barbra!

–Fort Washington Ave. & 183rd St

Overheard by: RED

Flamboyant gay: My hair's too straight. I need to gay it up a bit.

–Bryant Park

Flamboyant guy: My life in New York has been more fabulous than I ever thought! I almost hit Elaine Stritch with a car this weekend!

–W 18th St

Overheard by: Dan Friedman

Posted on July 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Bryant Park, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Hair, Madison Square Garden, Movies, Parks, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Shoes, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday and the World One-Liners With You, Cry and You Cry Alone

Girl, loudly and enthusiastically: Everything I say is a joke!

–City Bakery, 18th St

Girl to guy: What's so funny? Did you fart?

–W 96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Megan W.

Santa, chasing scared teen: Do you think it's funny to throw things at people's heads? How about I break your face?

–42nd St

Girl: I'm really excited that, like, within our lifetime, there are gonna be funny movies about Obama.

–Manhattan Theatre Source

Overheard by: Emily B.

Laughing girl on phone: Come on, please! Please! Just take off your clothes and take pictures! (pause) Come on, mom, it would be so funny!

–Union Square

20-something skater guy to another: And then I started whackin' off, and it was hilarious.

–Broadway & E 10th St

Overheard by: Timothy

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Farting & Burping, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Laughter, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Nudity, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, President, Punch, Questions, Skaters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

Was That Before or After the Ghostbusters Took Over the Statue Of Liberty?

Girl: Ohhhh, this is the building that King Kong climbed up, right?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Wow. That would have been so scary to live here when that happened!

–In Line for Elevator at Empire State Building

Overheard by: Bella

Posted on June 26, 2009
Elevators, Empire State Building, Fears, Girls, Guys, Movies, Questions, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Have the Reich Stuff

Fat guy in telephone booth: Yeah, well, Hitler invented the Volkswagen bus.

–7th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Mark Martin

Woman in alpine hat to another: I was not about to drag your half-conscious ass around a concentration camp!

–Zum Schneider German Restaurant/Bar

Overheard by: Nella

Guy: Jury duty is like the Holocaust. They put you in line and march you into a strange room.

–Off The Wagon Restaurant

Overheard by: thankfully not jewish

Teen boy: Yeah, after I watched that movie I couldn't talk to German people at all. For like a month afterwards, every time I saw a person who looked German I was like, "you evil, evil Nazi!"

–Bull Statue, Bowling Green

Little boy to friends: And next year, we're going to assassinate Hitler!

–66th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Fat People, Foreigners, Friends, Glad the Condom Broke, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, Movies, Murder, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Time, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Give 'Em Somethin' to Talk About

Older woman to bored-looking male dinner companion, as they are seated at a table: Now we have to think of something to talk about.

–The Place, West Village

Overheard by: Colleen

Female grad student: I was trippy enough to talk to Shrek, but not trippy enough for him to answer.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

Hobo with huge afro chasing after two chatting women: Are you talking when the champion is speaking?! How dare you?

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Teacher to class entering auditorium: Children, stop talking! This is a building!

–College of Mount Saint Vincent

Man on cell: Ray Romano, you're talking to a millionaire!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Katie

Girl on phone: It's just like, he seriously has a really squishy face that you can stick your finger in, and it goes like a million miles in, and you're just like "what the fuck!" But yeah, nothing happened, we just talked.

–Palladium Residence Hall, NYU

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Movies, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Remember When He Brought Home The Layin' King?

Girl #1: Yeah, and then my dad brought home Dumbo, to watch for himself!
Girl #2: Yeah, but at least it wasn't porn.

–Fordham University

Posted on June 12, 2009
Disney, Fordham, Girls, Movies, Parents, Porn

…Or Am I Thinking Of That Mel Gibson Movie Where He's All Deformed?

Waiting patron to man in stylist chair: You look like the guy in that old gangster movie. It's not Scarface, though.
Hair stylist: The one with John Travolta, right?
Patron: No, no, it's an old one, with George Raft.
Man in chair: I don't know which one you mean…
Patron: No, it's an old one. Black and white, from the '30s.
Hair stylist: Face/Off, it's with John Travolta and Nicolas Cage.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on June 11, 2009
About Celebrities, Barbers and hairdressers, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Film, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Movies, Questions, Stupidity

It's Time to Play “Which Is More Homoerotic?”

Guy: Let's go watch the Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience!
Girl: Suck my dick.

–86th & 3rd

Posted on June 2, 2009
Girls, Guys, Insults, Movies, Music, Penis, Upper East Side

So Now I'm Learning Seductive Phrases in Klingon

Teen girl #1: I think you should just jump him.
Teen girl #2: I tried. It's a complicated situation.
Teen girl #1: How's that?
Teen girl #2: Well, I told him that I was bored and home alone…
Teen girl #1: And?
Teen girl #2: And he told me he was busy watching Star Trek.

–Alice's Tea Cup

Posted on June 1, 2009
Movies, Pick-up Lines, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I Think I Saw This Short at the Cannes Film Festival

Blue collar guy to random guy holding a musical instrument: I wish I had a harpsichord. I'd put on an old fashioned movie and play it in the dark. You wouldn't even need a drink!
Musical guy: A drink wouldn't hurt.
Blue collar guy: No, it wouldn't. (takes a bottle of rum out of his pocket and takes a swig)

–N Train

Overheard by: Pretending to listen to her music

Posted on May 31, 2009
Blue-collar workers, Drinking & Drunk People, Instruments, Movies, Musicians, On the Subway, Wishes & desires

Movies