Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?

–Vivi Bubble Tea Bar

Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."

–8th Ave & Horatio St

Overheard by: Jean Ann

Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it?

–Columbia University Business School Graduation

Overheard by: Jen

Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance!

–42nd Street Movie Theater

Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?

–Brooklyn Theater

Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Posted on October 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cocaine, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Dancing, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Movies, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rape, Stupidity, Theater, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Cromulent Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: H. Chan

Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.”

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Fernando Taveras

Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout.

–J train

Posted on October 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Clothing, Death, Food, Global Geography, Idiots, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, Religion, School

Well You Did Ask What she Was On

Girl and guy walking, guy gets text message.
Girl: What did she say?
Guy: She said ‘K.’
Girl: ‘K?’
Guy: Yes ‘K’… I spent 30 cents so she can tell me ‘K.’

–Target, Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jubilee

Posted on October 22, 2014
Brooklyn, Cell Phone, On Cell

How Jared Was Shamed Into Living

Kid on cell: I am about to kill myself because of you!
Hobo in wheelchair: Do it! Do it! You haven’t got the balls!

–Prince between Mulberry & Mott

Overheard by: Hashashin

Posted on October 22, 2014
Hobos, Kids, On Cell, Suicide, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Use American Psycho As Porn

Suit: Did they tip their 45s to their homies?

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: SuperVixen

Suit on phone: 500 milligrams? That's nothing. First, you need to start looking at the definition of possession…

–Broadway & Reade

Suit to little son: I need to teach you the difference between "homos" and "hobos." You'll understand easily, (giggles) …not much of a difference.

–Doctor's Office, Carrol Gardens

Suit on phone, snickering: Your posts are turd sandwiches!

–4th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: ris

Suit on cell: I say go for it. You're rich, she's hungry. What could be more perfect?

–47th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adrienne

Posted on October 21, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Education, Families, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Office, On Cell, Questions, Street, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

When I Chain You to the Treadmill Tonight, I’ll Be Doing It with Love

Middle-aged woman on her cell: Where are you? Don’t get the pizza, it’s too many calories. Just get a salad or something. Well, I only say that because I had a nightmare last night where you got big. It was awful. Oh, honey, come on I love you, stop.
I’m just saying, if you had a dream that a building was collapsing and a guy was about to walk into it, wouldn’t you say “stop”? Well, then we agree.

–Pax Wholesome Foods, 6th & 40th

Posted on October 19, 2014
Advice, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Dreams, Food, On Cell, Pizza, Questions, Vegetarian & Vegan, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige

Posted on October 17, 2014
About Celebrities, Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Conductors, Coney Island, Creepsters, Death, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Internet, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Village, Time, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Biggest Uproar in Their Home Since the Cuban Gristle Crisis

Loud middle aged guy on cell: Hello? What? Where's the meat? It's on the counter. I took it out last night. It was half frozen. Okay. (some time goes by) Hello? Who is this? Kiah? I took it out last night. It's on the counter. No, it's good. It was half frozen. Noooo, it's fine. It's not ruined! It's good. Noooooooooo. It's not ruined! I'll eat it, leave it for me. I'll eat it tonight and all the way to Shabbat, it will be my pleasure, it will be delicious. (some time goes by) I'm getting off the train. I'm coming home. They're mad about the meat. (Now almost on the verge of crying) It's not ruuuined. Noooooooooooo. It's goooood. Why is the meat no good? It's not ruuuined. Noooooooooooooooooooooo.

–Q Train

Posted on October 15, 2014
Food, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions

Dude, Nobody Listens to The Wednesday One-Liners Anymore

Young woman on cell: So I said to him, are you going to listen to Barbra Streisand forever?

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Korky

20-something girl: I'm a teenager! I collect pogs and say "suck it," and listen to Kriss Kross!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Claire H.

Guy: Man, these guys are like The Beatles of my generation.

–In Line for Cypress Hill Show, Nokia Theatre

Burly MTA contractor: I mean imagine if it was a dude singing "I kissed a guy and I liked it."

–Chambers St Subway Station

Overheard by: sarah

Trendy girl: I can't believe they charge $1.29 for a song now. What song is worth $1.29?!? Well, I guess "Don't Stop Believing" and "We Are the Champions"… basically any Queen song.

–Coldstone Creamery, Astor Place

Overheard by: Any Britney Song

20-something girl to 20-something boyfriend: Don't dress up like Elton John because I want you to. Dress up like Elton John because you want to.

–Halloween Shop, 11th St & Broadway

Posted on October 15, 2014
9 to 5-ers, About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fashionistas, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Store, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Aren’t Metrosexual

Professor: Where is the line between what is homosexual and what is not? Is a circle jerk not gay? Oh, god. I’m sorry to anyone who doesn’t know what that is.

–NYU

Girl: It makes you look gay, and I don’t mean good gay.

–The Gap, 17th St & 5th Ave

Flamboyant man on cell: I got you the one that had an ‘L.V.’ on it… How am I supposed to know what that means? I’m not that kind of gay!

–Grand St & Broadway

Overheard by: callmedrpalmer

TA: We can talk about boy sex, but we can’t talk about homosexuality.

–Classroom, NYU

Queer: Wait, how did you end up the gayest? Because I started out the gayest!

–Time Square

Overheard by: Tourist Who Blends

Bimbette: No, Jesus was gay. That’s the only solution.