Crazy woman: I’m still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil.
–Food Court, Grand Central
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Crazy woman: I’m still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil.
–Food Court, Grand Central
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Old lady with heavy accent, pointing to closed store: What’s that?
Young lady: I’m not sure.
Old lady: Is that a pahwn shop?
Young lady, startled: No, that looks like a pawn shop…
Old lady: That’s what I said — a pahwn shop.
Young lady, relieved: Ohhh, I thought you said ‘porn shop’!
Old lady: No, I said ‘pahwn,’ not ‘pahwn.’
Young lady: Oh, you say them exactly the same!
Old lady: I do?
Young lady: Yeah! Say ‘aw.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: Now say ‘or.’
Old lady: Ahw.
Young lady: No, it’s orrr. With an R.
Old lady: That’s what I said — ‘ahw.’
–M20 bus, near 34th & 8th
Overheard by: trying not to laugh too hard
Middle-aged woman: Tradition brings us all together and makes us feel close.
Twentysomething woman: That’s not the tradition; it’s the Jack Daniels.
–M60 bus, Triboro Bridge
Overheard by: djlindee
Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother.
–M08 Bus
20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special!
–207th St & Broadway
Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass?
–LIRR
Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message.
–Metro-North Rail
Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about.
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Carolyn
Lady: Why didn’t you stop the bus for me on the other side?
Bus driver: Ma’am, I’m not allowed to open those doors at a non-designated stop.
Lady: Good Lord Jesus Christ, I am not your enemy. Who are you? The Terminator?
Bus driver: Stop being so hostile!
Lady: You’re the one being hospitable! Ooo, you are soo hospitable!
–M15 bus
Dude looking at girl shoes: If I were a chick I'd wear the ugliest shoes, I swear.
–5th Ave
Woman on phone call with son's teacher: I know he's in the big boy group, but if you see he put his shoes on the wrong feet again, could you just let him know, please?
–57th St & Madison
Four-year-old girl: My toes are in my shoes!
–Bus
Overheard by: vcstr
Girl, with pride: I can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes. My feet are so black and blue, and so are you!
–F Train
Overheard by: Ofelia Hiney
Gay guy to friend: Oh, c'mon, at its best, The Wizard of Oz is just a story about two women fighting over a pair of shoes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Paul N.
African American middle-aged lady #1: So my neighbor said they are moving to Pennsylvania.
African American middle-aged lady #2: Yeah, I know people are moving there. It's to avoid the criminal element.
African American middle-aged lady #1: They are the criminal element!
–M1 Bus
Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"
–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: also loud
Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.
–116th & 1st
Overheard by: DonnaRae
Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: intern2
Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."
–Mercer & W 3rd
Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!
–East Village
20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.
–Express Bus to Brooklyn
Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!
–Astoria
Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.
–M66 Bus
Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?
–31st & Crescent, Astoria
Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!
–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st
Overheard by: Tom
College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.
–8th St & University
Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Riot
Man on cell: Yo Hamster! Oh, hey Tomato, whats goin’ on?
–Bx12 bus
Overheard by: Courtney C
Girl on cell: I swear it had to be 8 or 9 inches long…yeah I know, I was shocked. It was the biggest damned cockroach I have ever seen…yes, a roach, what did you think I was talking about?
–Bx9 bus
Overheard by: ogie
Bus driver: Next stop 3rd Avenue. We’ll be arriving in a week to 10 days…Anyone want to get off here? That’ll be $50. Send me a check.
–M14D bus
Overheard by: Sherri
