Guy #1: I told him you don't ask a woman for a cigarette, you just don't do it.
Guy #2: Yeah… Word.
Guy #1: But he didn't listen. Next thing you know he's getting pistol whipped and my car is being towed away.
–1 Train
Guy #1: I told him you don't ask a woman for a cigarette, you just don't do it.
Guy #2: Yeah… Word.
Guy #1: But he didn't listen. Next thing you know he's getting pistol whipped and my car is being towed away.
–1 Train
Thug: Hey, man… You look like you’re from California with that hair. Are ya?
Guy with long blond hair: Yes, I am.
Thug: How you like ‘at? I been thinkin’ about movin’ out to California.
Guy with long blond hair: It’s great — people are more real here in New York, though. I used to live in San Francisco, which is a great.
Thug: Oh, how far is San Francisco from California?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco is in California.
Thug: Oh, what city is it in?
Guy with long blond hair: San Francisco… Okay, this is my stop.
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: Dave S
Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.
–E 3rd St & 1st Ave
Guy: The world is my cumrag!
–4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jordan Bruce
Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.
–32nd & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Matt
Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.
–Times Square
Overheard by: watching her back
Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)
–1 Train
Overheard by: hsw
Teen girl #1: So, we were totally on his couch and we were totally making out. It was totally romantic.
Teen girl #2: How is making out on his couch romantic?
Teen girl #1: You’re just jealous that you have no romance in your life.
Teen girl #2: Don’t mistake romance for being a slut.
–A train
Conductor: Attention downtown passengers. The train that just left the station was obviously not your train.
–6 Train
Woman on cell: Hey, it’s the MTA who should be spanked!
–Rector St.
Overheard by: Ladle
Small girl to mom: I like this train station the best because it has an elevator, and you can see the whole world outside. The whole wide beautiful world.
–Harlem Escalator, 1 Train
Overheard by: Mark Brinker
Guy: I get all my information from subway ads.
–F Train
Overheard by: Thom Cohen
Woman, hearing garbled announcement that E train is running as an F: No! They are takin’ all my E trains!
–E Train
Overheard by: I can has E train?
Crackhead: Make sure to take your newspapers with you on the way out of the train. I’m having company over later and I want it to look nice.
–Franklin Avenue Shuttle
Overheard by: shuttle rider
Woman, to friend: he was so excited, I thought his butt plug was going to shoot out of his ass.
–Spring Street and 6th St
Overheard by: Sarah O.
Dude in fur coat and construction boots: My mom asked me if I had a razor in my butt…
–Downtown ‘1’ Train
Husband to wife:
I can’t believe you just put your finger up my butt hole!
–Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: bonifacia
Transvestite prostitute: I just got off my second and last date tonight… Man paid me 4 bills to stick my fingers in his booty.
–Meat-packing District
Overheard by: Erin
Guy on cell: you have to get drunk enough not to puke, but enough to take the piece of glass into your ass!
–Bleeker & Barrow
Overheard by: ivy270
Guy on cell phone passing by: normally when you say that, my asshole starts puckering!
–Union Square
Big muscular man on cell: It's so damn hot, I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup.
–Outside Tribeca Deli
Overheard by: Akiko
Conductor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Number 3 train across the platform. Get it while it's hot!
–Downtown 1 Train
Elderly black woman to no one in particular: It's so hot my pussy is melting!
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: lemchek
Enthusiastic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to marry him!
–Thompson & W 3rd St
Guy: I'm telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from under my towel and fell on the floor… like they was trying to escape or something.
–Starbucks
Dude to friend: I wanna say she's hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who accepts Discover.
–The Village
Man on subway, about to exit: Obama, Islam, Canada. Obama, in Islam, and Canada. (exits train)
–Downtown D Train
Overheard by: katiekatydid
Thug to tourists: How do you say "thank you" in Canadian?
–34th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Fluent in Canadian
Student: I'm so sick and tired of your Canadian condescension.
–Eugene Lang College
Crazy Brooklynite at a payphone: The Queen owns everything! She owns Europe, she owns Africa, and she owns Canada! The one thing she doesn't own is the US. So could somebody give me a US quarter for a Canadian quarter?
–Broadway & 8th St
Ditzy blonde to another: Do we look Canadian?
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Holls
Man, pointing at window display: That’ll make a nice gift for the wife: a pair of underwear that say “SALE” across the ass. Classy.
–Outside Victoria’s Secret, Herald Square
Overheard by: sean
Hipster chick: Quite frankly I’d rather wash all my bras tonight.
–F train
Overheard by: braincurve
Woman to five elderly ladies: All right, ladies, put your underwear on and let’s go.
–L&B Spumoni Gardens, 86th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Chick on cell: So how long did it take the four of you to find your bra the next morning?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Jess is hot.
Girl on cell: I am so not letting my underwear go on a date with his underwear.
–Prince & Broadway
Backpacker #1: What’s up with this DNA crap?
Backpacker #2: Yeah, I know…
Backpacker #1: Yeah… Like, that spiral staircase they show on TV — where is that in your body?
Backpacker #2: Yeah, dude, for real.
Backpacker #1: Yeah, man, you can’t trust science.
–Brooklyn-bound 4 train
