Wednesday One-Liners' Cocktail Hour Started Back in the Eighties

Cop to another: Are you drunk yet?

–Corner of 145th St

Frustrated-sounding NYU student to friend: Well, why don't you get a girl and you can just pretend she's drunk?

–Washington Square

Future rabbi: So my philosophy professor, Lenny Kravitz, told us we'll be drinking scotch in class tomorrow…

–4th & Broadway

Drunk black guy arguing on phone: Man, you need to stop drinkin'. Not only is yo speech gettin' slurred, but yo brains is gettin' slurred too!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Ashley

Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he's Austin Powers.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: thivnav

Posted on April 7, 2010
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Education, Friends, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Music, Names, One-liners, Parks, Philosophy, Questions, Relationships, School and studying, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners

Your Editors Would Prefer Never to Hear About Gummi Bear Again.

Dude to friend: You know what I mean, right?
Friend: Yeah, you mean he's rich, right?
Dude: Yeah, he's rich, but he's not independently wealthy. I mean, if he didn't have all that money, he wouldn't be rich.

–88th St & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: P. Marino

Posted on March 28, 2010
Friends, Guys, Money & Class, Philosophy, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liner Is the Second-Largest Property Owner in NYC, After the Catholic Church

Columbia student to another: When I get rich, I'm totally having the sweat glands in my armpits removed.

–Columbia University

Undergrad to friend: So I should tell you about today's existential crisis…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Katie Naum

Guy to group of friends: Hey, you guys ever watch that video in health ed, of disabled people having sex? It was upsetting.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Columbia undergrad: I am taking so many classes right now, like 18 credits, cause I have no clue what to do with my life. Part of me wants to go to business school here because I can make a lot of money fast, and part of me wants to go to law school here because it's more practical and will make me more over the long run. But then I am also in this class on genocide, which is a topic I love. So maybe I will do something with that instead.

–Max Cafe, 122nd & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: reluctantprof

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Murder, One-liners, Philosophy, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Students, Surgery, Sweat, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners: a Space Odyssey

30-something suit on cell: We live in an infinite universe. That means there are infinite possibilities. You are insignificant compared to the size of the universe. You mean absolutely fuck-all nothing, so get off your high horse and do what you're told.

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Megan

Guy on cell: Dude, so how much more time do you have in Russia before you go into space?

–Ave A & 8th St

Overheard by: Daniella

Guy on cell: The subways are like the planets. Generally they're in their orbit, but you never know. (pause) Really? C'mon, Mars!

–Uptown C Train

Overheard by: furf

Three-year-old boy to adult family friend: I love you to outter space! Outter space goes upupupupup!

–West Village

Crazy man straddling bike: Goddamn! I can't believe I missed the last rocket ship to the moon! (in high-pitch voice) It's okay, man! There's another one in five minutes!
(back in normal voice) Okay, man, that's cool. Roger that.

–1st Ave & 1 St

Sales associate: They worked with NASA scientists. This is what the moon actually smells like.

–Home Fragrance Department, Bergdorf Goodman

Overheard by: Heather H.

Posted on January 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Animals & Nature, Astronomy, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Friends, Guys, Height, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Philosophy, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe

Young child to mother: I am not psychic.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: furf

Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!

–NYU

Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bikram Curious

Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: trapped@hunter

Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.

–49th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lara

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Drugs, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Insults, Kids, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Pee, Philosophy, Psychic, Rack, Science, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

You Mean, Like, Over IM?

NYU student to friends: Let's exchange ideas and have, like, a discussion.
Stoop-warming friends: (laugh)
NYU student, annoyed: No, like, for real.

–University Place & 8th

Overheard by: SK

Posted on October 20, 2009
Friends, Laughter, Offers and requests, Philosophy, Students, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Worst. Sex Ed Teacher. Ever.

Suit on cell: You don't have to know what you're doing. If you're doing it, you're doing it.

–Convent Ave

Posted on June 6, 2009
Harlem & Morningside Heights, On Cell, Philosophy, Stupidity, Suits

Even 21 Jump?

Woman pointing south: What street is that way?
Man: Um, all of them.

–Central Park Mall

Posted on June 4, 2009
Central Park, Directions, Men, Parks, Philosophy, Questions, Strangers, Women

Why E Is Bad, in a Nutshell

Hipster girl: So, we were talking about, like, Derrida, and like the universe, and then he just kissed me. It was so romantic.
Hipster gay guy, clearly not listening, staring into phone: Oh, so cute. So cute.
Hipster girl: James*, he kissed me!
Hipster gay guy: Woof, woof. Bark. Arf!
Hipster girl: What?
Hipster gay guy: I thought you were talking about a dog, so I chimed in.
Hipster girl: You need to stop doing E.
Hipster gay guy: It makes masturbating great, though.

–Columbia University

Posted on May 11, 2009
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girls, Hipsters, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Love, Man's Best Friend, Masturbation, Philosophy, Queer guys

Philosophy

Your Editors Would Prefer Never to Hear About Gummi Bear Again.