Don't Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?

–47th & Madison

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?

–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Didn't want the details

Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski

Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.

–Willets Point, Queens

Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

Posted on August 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Directions, Football, Fordham, Gender issues, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, School and studying, Shea Stadium, Sports, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

You’re Not a Lesbian, Are You?

Two-year-old girl runs up to Indian Sikh with grey beard and purple turban.
Toddler: Santa! Look mommy, Santa! Hi Santa!
Mom: She … Likes your hat.

–Lillian’s Pizza, Forest Hills

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on August 3, 2015
Compliments, Family Ties, Girls, Kids, Moms, Physical appearance, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes

Yeah, because He’s Totally Dominican

Asian chick #1: Yeah, my dad is mad tan, so at the beach everyone thinks he’s Mexican.
Asian chick #2: Oh, that sucks.

–Queens

Posted on August 3, 2015
Asians, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Queens, Race

Wednesdays Brush After Every One-Liner

Big, Italian guy on cell: Braces? (pause) Why do you want braces? (pause) You don't just get them 'cause you want them!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I hated braces

30-something woman to friend: I started getting cavities after I started making out with boys.

–Queens

Overheard by: Angela

Drunk guy: I wasn't having a heart attack, I was at the dentist!

–M60 Bus

Happy tall man on cell: Alright, nigga, brush your teef and all that, I wanna get high!

–111th & Lenox Ave

Posted on August 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Cleanliness, Drugs, Drunks, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Italians, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Wishes & desires, Women

Country Mouse, Wednesday One-Liner Mouse

Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.

–DiFara Pizzeria

Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.

–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: depends on citizens

Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Overheard by: AEVRed

Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Posted on July 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Dads, Duane Reade, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Southerners, Store, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, TV, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

Some Potty Humor, Courtesy of Wednesday One-Liners

Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?

–Port Authority

12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.

–Eddie’s Sweet Shop

Overheard by: Yorick

Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Maya G.

Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?

–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall

Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?

–Javits Convention Center

Overheard by: Hector

Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.

–A Train

Posted on July 26, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Coworkers, Drunks, Etiquette, Friends, Girls, Guys, Homeless, Kink, Men, Money & Class, NYU, On the Subway, Pee, Poop, Port Authority, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits, The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Which Are Also Made in China

Girl #1: Ugh, this is made in China, everything is made in China these days.
Girl #2: Yeah, in China they eat puppies.

–Target, Queens

Posted on July 24, 2015
Ethnic Food, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Queens, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

Well Met on Opening Day

Guy on cell: Hey, what’s up?…I’m at the Met game…The Mets are up 2 to 1, but Washington has 2 men on and nobody out…Two-one. No outs.
Guy #2: There’s one out.
Guy on cell: Oh, sorry. One out. We’ve been here since 8 and I’ve been drinking since 8:30. I’m wasted…Listen, Ma, I gotta go, I’m missing the game.

He hangs up.

Guy #1: My mother calls to get the score. Turn on the radio!

–Shea Stadium

Dude: Hey, Carlos! Steal second, I won’t tell anybody!

–Shea Stadium

Dude: Get off your knees; you’re blowing the game!

–Shea Stadium

Posted on July 24, 2015
Anger Management, BJs, Drinking & Drunk People, Mets, On Cell, Parents, Queens, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shea Stadium, Sports, Stupidity

Have You Never Seen a Horror Movie?

Black 15-year-old kid: What you doing on Halloween?
White 15-year-old kid: Gettin' laid.
Black 15-year-old kid: What the fuck? Gettin' laid on Halloween? That's some bullshit. That's some bullshit!

–Gym Locker Room, Bayside, New York

Overheard by: tbomb

Posted on July 18, 2015
Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Gyms, Insults, Queens, Questions, Sex, Teens, White People

Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?

–Starbucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.

–Queens College

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rachel Peters

Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!

–B44 Bus

Overheard by: Micah

Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Smudge

Posted on July 16, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Books & Writing, Bus, Christianity, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jesus, Medicine, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, Queens, Queens College, Questions, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Store, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women