Boy: Do they really taste like mint?
Girl: I don’t know, I don’t give head.
Boy, holding box of warming sensation condoms: I bet these are mad-popular in the winter.
–Eckerd, Astoria
Overheard by: KC
Kid: I don’t got no energy for dodgeball.
Speech therapist: You don’t have any energy for dodgeball? There’s always energy for dodgeball. [Kid looks confused.] Trust me, there’s always room for JELL-O, and there is always energy for dodgeball. It’s the law.
–P.S. 31, Queens
Overheard by: Wondering what that session was like
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Boyfriend to angry girlfriend: I’s just sayin’!
Girlfriend, apologetically hugging him: Aw, you didn’t say you was jus’ sayin’!
–Jamaica Station
Overheard by: Danial
Chick #1 overlooking the Women’s Wheelchair finals: Are they over there playing tennis in wheelchairs?
Chick #2: Yeah, I think they are.
Chick #1: Oh, please, you know they’re pushing those chairs with their feet.
–US Open, Queens
Overheard by: Working on my backhand
Middle school girl #1: Jesus is Jewish!
Middle school boy: No, he isn’t.
Middle school girl #1: Yes, he is!
Middle school girl #2: Of course, he’s not Jewish anymore — he’s dead.
–Rego Park
Overheard by: josh
Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?
–4 train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?
–D train, Grand Concourse
Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: Josh
Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?
–Game Stop, Forest Hills
Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Andrew K.
Mourner: Hi, I haven’t seen you in a long time! How’s your mother?
Priest: She’s okay. She won’t be coming today because she’s not feeling well. She just turned 95.
Mourner: 95! She’s that old? Holy crap!
— Funeral Home, Rockaway Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Woman #1: You know, everytime I go return a book, they make me pay money, I have no idea why.
Woman #2: Me too! Last time I paid two dollars.
Woman #1: I should stop going and just donate my money somewhere else.
–Flushing
Overheard by: why don’t you try returning them on time
Woman: So he wakes up trippin’ in the middle of the night, telling me to go get him a gun.
–Queens Blvd & 82nd Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Conductor: This is an express train. Express. Express. Express. No Fordham, no Bronx. Express, express, express. Well…I wanna shoot myself!
–Metro North train
Overheard by: Jeff
Man: Hey baby, nice body … Get fat and I’ll shoot ya.
–Classon Ave & Lafayette Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sheila
Hobo: My grandma isn’t here anymore to send me to the store to buy her a Colt 45, but I can still love Jesus!
–Uptown 3 train
Overheard by: jane shields
Ghetto guy: Man, my boy just got shot!
–Stanton St & Orchard St
Overheard by: Kris
Thug: A gun? You gotta shoot that bitch with a crossbow.
–L train, Lorimer Ave
