Smell My Wednesday One-Liners! Smell Them!

Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum?

–City Hall New York Sports Club

Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita!

–Union Square

Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r.

–R Train

20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better.

–Bond St

Posted on April 21, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Asians, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cum, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Latinos, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday-One-Linertitutes

Blonde chick to friend: So I ran into that guy and confronted him. I was like, "why didn't you say hi to me last Friday? I know you saw me, but you didn't say anything. Listen, if you're going to sleep with me Thursday night, you can't just not say hi to me on Friday. I know it's common for a lot of businessmen to sleep with prostitutes and then ignore them the next day when they see them on the street, but they pay them. If you're going to ignore me, fine… but I expect a check in the mail."

–Outside NYU Gramercy Green Residence Hall

Overheard by: Molalala

Girl to friend: Prostitutes don't have negative connotations.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: anonymous

Drunk 20-something male to two 20-something girls: Is it Jewish tradition to go to Amsterdam when you're 14 to get laid by a black prostitute?

–14th St & 2nd ave

Grad student to girlfriend: You know, it's funny. Before I met you, a skanky girl was just a skanky girl. Since we've been dating, when I see a skanky girl, I have to ask myself, "is she turning tricks?"

–Uris Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Wonders how they met

Man to friend, about a woman hailing cab: Wow, she looks really expensive.

–18th & 7th

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dating, For Sale, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Gripes, Judaism, Men, Money & Class, NYU, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Questions, Race, Relationships, Sex, Students, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wedne$day One-Liner$

Blonde: But I want my money to have personality.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Late Night Doritos

Guy in Sweeny Todd t-shirt: Oh my god, we have to go back, we forgot the cardboard! How can we make money without cardboard?!

–McDonald's, 3rd Ave

Eastern European man: I never waited for an ATM in my life! What the fuck!?

–Bank of America, University & 14th

Well-dressed middle aged woman: Money is so expensive these days…

–Filene's Basement, Union Square

Overheard by: Bargin Shopper

Woman in line for general admission, to companion: An $18 museum? You'd better look at fucking everything, and touch some stuff too!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Tom

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Money & Class, More museums, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Street, The Village, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

FAQsday One-Liners

NYU girl: It's a box, though… Can you FedEx a box?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Elena

Tourist: So… Are we like, underground now?

–NRW Train

Overheard by: Stacey

Mom in toy store: Do you guys have any organic play-doh?

–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope

Overheard by: persiangroove

Teen tourist bimbo, looking at Rockefeller Center Christmas tree Swarovski tree topper: So, can we buy it?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Kaitlen

20-something girl: Wait, so what's a blog?

–55th & 6th

Thug on bus on cell: Yeah, I just got on the bus. How will I know when it's the third stop?
(goes on to get off on the second stop)

–Roosevelt Island

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Bus, Clerks, Customers, Directions, For Sale, Girls, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

Bandages Are So Slimming

Stylish ladies: Oooh, police! Is there a celebrity here?
Cop: No, there's a bomb threat.
Stylish ladies: Oh, great!

–77th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: amalthya

Posted on April 20, 2010
About Celebrities, Cops, Idiots, Questions, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Women

In New York, Even a Compliment Can Get You Beaten Up

Doo-wop busker: Hey man, anyone ever tell you that you look just like Wynton Marsalis?
Black guy who does actually look like Wynton Marsalis: Who?
White woman: Oh! Yeah, he does!
Doo-wop busker: Yeah, am I right? Wynton Marsalis, in the flesh.
Black guy: I don't even know who that is.
Doo-wop busker: Jazz trumpet, man. Genius.
White woman: He's a wonderful musician. You should look him up!
Black guy: Uh, sure. What was the name again?
Doo-wop busker: Wyn-ton. Mar-sa-lis. They ever make a movie of his life, you got it made.

–R Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on April 19, 2010
About Celebrities, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Movies, Music, Musicians, Names, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, White People

I'm Helping Him Learn English

40-something lady #1: So this new guy you're dating, what does he do?
40-something lady #2: He's a driver.
40-something lady #1: Oooh! like a professional driver, a race car driver?
40-something lady #2: No, like a cab.

–4th St & Ave B

Posted on April 19, 2010
Alphabet City, Cars and Driving, Dating, Jobs & Careers, Questions, Women

There's No Money in Rolling Corpses Anymore

Delivery truck man #1: You know what's great at that Chinese spot?
Delivery truck man #2: What?
Delivery truck man #1: Their pork dumplings.
Delivery truck man #2: I'll tell you what.
Delivery truck man #1: What?
Delivery truck man #2: That's definitely not kosher.
(they laugh)
Delivery truck man #1: But wait if I take it to a rabbi to bless, can it become kosher?
Delivery truck man #2: Good question.
Delivery truck man #1: Yeah… Wow! We are on the right side of the ferry, remember when the right side was for only cokeheads and weedheads, and your mother would say “don't go on the right side of the ferry” and people used to OD and you would find dead bodies? Those were the days!

–Staten Island Ferry

Posted on April 17, 2010
Animals & Nature, Cocaine, Coworkers, Death, Ferry, Food, Judaism, Laughter, Nostalgia, Questions, Staten Island Ferry, Weed

You Can't Say “Engelbert Humperdinck” in a Gay Bar, Sir

Bar patron, listening to Sweet Caroline: Wow. I've never heard this version before. It's cool! Who's singing?
Twinkie bartender: It's from that show Glee. I've never heard the original, though. Whose song is it?
Bar patron: Oh, man, that takes me back. Englebert Humperdinck. A guy named Englebert Humperdinck–he wrote it for Caroline Kennedy.

–Gay Bar, West Village

Overheard by: Bob

Posted on April 16, 2010
About Celebrities, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Bosses, Gays and Lesbians, Music, Names, Questions, Singing, West Village

Raise Your Hand If You Loved Gosford Park

Fat girl: With my connections, I could be a lawyer or executive or some nonsense like that.
Fat boyfriend: So why don't you?
Fat girl: Cuz I hate shoveling that political BS.
Fat boyfriend: So you just keep on being a janitor?
Fat girl: Maid.

–M7 Bus

Posted on April 15, 2010
Bus, Couples, Fat People, Gripes, Jobs & Careers, On the Bus, Questions

Questions