Yeah, but Dads don’t count

Girl #1: I am not a slut! You’re the slut in this friendship! We agreed on this!
Girl #2: Okay, fine, you’re not a slut… But you were straddling him.

–E train

Headline by: DanaLishs

Runners-Up:
· “I Think She Said It Best” – Lalaith
· “I Thought I Was the Slut and You Were the Gutter Slut?” – Molly
· “I Was Just Evening the Score. You’re Too Far Ahead.” – Jen M.
· “Mary Kate and Ashley, Drunk Again” – Mikey G.
· “Now Go Back to Munching My Box” – K to that B
· “With My Pinkie Out. Like a Lady.” – Courtney from Arkansas
· “Yeah, but Only His Face” – Jason

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on December 24, 2015
Friendship, Headline Contest Winners, Hootchies, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Sex

Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man

Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus!

–Broadway & Prince

Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together?

–Fordham Plaza

Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him?

–St. Luke's Church, Whitestone

Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher.

–E Train

Overheard by: Giggling at crack

Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alfie

Posted on December 10, 2015
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Christianity, Christians, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, God, God Squad, Hard Drugs, Jesus, On the Subway, One-liners, Preachers, Queens, Questions, Religion, Sex, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

That’s Britney’s Plan

Fat hipster: Yeah, then I would get fat and evil.
Skinny punkster: True, but that’s how you get laid.

–Bryant Park

Posted on December 1, 2015
Bryant Park, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Hipsters, Punks, Sex, Skinny People

Wednesday One-liners Face It

Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face.

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: fannybaum

Posted on November 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cum, Guys, Kink, Sex, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

He’ll Be Happy to Share Some WD-40 Memories with You, Though

Preppy guy #1: I hate geese shit on fields.
Preppy guy #2: It’s not so bad. It’s a good lubricant for when you slide-tackle people. You know, you just keep sliding…
Preppy guy #3: Dude, I can’t remember the last time I jerked off using geese shit. It can’t be that good a lubricant!

–Central Park

Posted on November 5, 2015
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Manhattan, Masturbation, People, Places, Poop, Preppies, Sex, Sports, Topics

Wednesday One-liners Appeal to the Prurient Interest

Teen boy: Dude, if Chelsea ever spread her legs, bats would fly out.

–1 train

Guy: Getting a blow job from her was like fucking a blow up doll.

–4th & A

Overheard by: cio

Guy: 50,000 people?! By the law of averages, I should get some!

–81st & Broadway

Guy on cell : Listen, the manager said he wants to see anal and he wants to see swallow…

–55th & Broadway

Overheard by: Marko

Guy: For all the years I’ve lived in New York, most of the girls I’ve taken home have been from the subway.

–Washington Heights

FedEx guy: It felt like 100 miles between kissing her and fucking her.

–48th between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: John Gullotta

Posted on November 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Scalpel…Corkscrew…

Teen girl #1: Ew, foreskin, like why? Get circumcised. Clean it up.
Teen girl #2: Seriously. Right. Oh god I’d never go down on a guy with foreskin, not even the guy I’m marrying.
Teen girl #1: I’d be like, take care of it and then talk to me.
Teen girl #2: Seriously.

–47th St & 21st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Thankfully Circumcised

Posted on November 3, 2015
Astoria, BJs, Body Parts, Fashion, Health and Hygiene, Marriage, Queens, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Teens

The Excited Titter of Wednesday One-Liners

Tech director: I don’t need dirty, rusty, random screws.

–Lincoln Center Institute

Overheard by: Brina

Excitable Islamic Studies professor: … And what happened when the woodcutter spoke to Mohammed? Yes! He gave him wood! This man, he gave Mohammed wood! And why could only this man give Mohammed wood? Just because he was a woodcutter? No! And do you know what happened when this man gave Mohammed wood? Mohammed’s wood exploded into flowers! Yes!

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: amelia

Man on conference call speakerphone: Our card penetration was not what we expected from the district. Lucy*, can you tell everyone how you got such good penetration at your store this month?

–The Gap, Queens

Conductor: No! No doors in my rear! Not in my rear!

–A train, Broadway Junction

Overheard by: amused

Grandmother tourist to granddaughter: Wanna grab a pole, Lacey?

–6 train, 51st St

Overheard by: With a name like that……

Chick on cell: I sat on a Camelback’s nipple, and now my ass is wet.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman with big bag squeezing past for a seat: Sorry — once I’m in, you won’t even feel me.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on November 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Sex