Fat hipster: Yeah, then I would get fat and evil.
Skinny punkster: True, but that’s how you get laid.
–Bryant Park
Fat hipster: Yeah, then I would get fat and evil.
Skinny punkster: True, but that’s how you get laid.
–Bryant Park
Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: fannybaum
Preppy guy #1: I hate geese shit on fields.
Preppy guy #2: It’s not so bad. It’s a good lubricant for when you slide-tackle people. You know, you just keep sliding…
Preppy guy #3: Dude, I can’t remember the last time I jerked off using geese shit. It can’t be that good a lubricant!
–Central Park
Teen boy: Dude, if Chelsea ever spread her legs, bats would fly out.
–1 train
Guy: Getting a blow job from her was like fucking a blow up doll.
–4th & A
Overheard by: cio
Guy: 50,000 people?! By the law of averages, I should get some!
–81st & Broadway
Guy on cell : Listen, the manager said he wants to see anal and he wants to see swallow…
–55th & Broadway
Overheard by: Marko
Guy: For all the years I’ve lived in New York, most of the girls I’ve taken home have been from the subway.
–Washington Heights
FedEx guy: It felt like 100 miles between kissing her and fucking her.
–48th between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: John Gullotta
Teen girl #1: Ew, foreskin, like why? Get circumcised. Clean it up.
Teen girl #2: Seriously. Right. Oh god I’d never go down on a guy with foreskin, not even the guy I’m marrying.
Teen girl #1: I’d be like, take care of it and then talk to me.
Teen girl #2: Seriously.
–47th St & 21st Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Thankfully Circumcised
Tech director: I don’t need dirty, rusty, random screws.
–Lincoln Center Institute
Overheard by: Brina
Excitable Islamic Studies professor: … And what happened when the woodcutter spoke to Mohammed? Yes! He gave him wood! This man, he gave Mohammed wood! And why could only this man give Mohammed wood? Just because he was a woodcutter? No! And do you know what happened when this man gave Mohammed wood? Mohammed’s wood exploded into flowers! Yes!
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: amelia
Man on conference call speakerphone: Our card penetration was not what we expected from the district. Lucy*, can you tell everyone how you got such good penetration at your store this month?
–The Gap, Queens
Conductor: No! No doors in my rear! Not in my rear!
–A train, Broadway Junction
Overheard by: amused
Grandmother tourist to granddaughter: Wanna grab a pole, Lacey?
–6 train, 51st St
Overheard by: With a name like that……
Chick on cell: I sat on a Camelback’s nipple, and now my ass is wet.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman with big bag squeezing past for a seat: Sorry — once I’m in, you won’t even feel me.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Rebecca
Man #1: If you could have sex with anyone, who would it be?
Man #2: Living or dead?
–F train
Overheard by: El Duderino
Chick #1: Maybe I’ll sleep with him this weekend.
Chick #2: Oh, is it that time of year again?
–Dallas BBQ, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: djlindee
Girl #1: Who were you on a date with last night?
Girl #2: My ex-boyfriend.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Yeah, we call it a date when we hang out so none of our friends will bother us or lecture us. Everyone always assumes we’re just having sex.
Girl #1: Wait, so didn’t you have sex?
Girl #2: Well, yeah, but we didn’t want to be bothered!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: i will not bother you
Young teen girl: I've done cybersex so often I forgot how to type with two hands.
–A Train
Suit on cell: I have nothing to blog about. I have nothing to video blog about. Man, yesterday I had to force myself to tweet!
–Uptown 4 Train
Overheard by: cowgirly
Girl selling peaches to another: Yeah, my dad was so unsympathetic when I told him my computer crashed that I went straight to the Apple store and charged a new hard drive to his credit card. I was really proud of myself.
–Fort Greene Farmers Market
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Teenage girl to friend: I don't see why we're even here. We could see all this stuff on the internet for free.
–Metropolitan Museum
Overheard by: Derek
