Wednesday One-Liners Don't Always Add Up

Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."

–Metro North

Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.

–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art

Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Erika

Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!

–45th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Native Ear

Posted on June 16, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Hipsters, Hot dog stands, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Science, Sex, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Trains Not Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners

What's Black and White and Wednesday One-Linered All Over?

Guy on phone on Halloween night: So I realize it's last minute, but we need a fourth ghostbuster… and you are black.

–3rd Ave

Overheard by: Supertaint

Teenage girl to group of friends: Ya know, I used to think that John Lennon and John Legend were the same person. Every time I saw John Legend I thought, "damn, that's whack that John Lennon would walk around in black face!"

–M116 Bus, East Harlem

Overheard by: NC

20-something black guy to 20-something white girl: It's New Year's Eve, baby–have sex with a black man tonight! Have sex with a black man on New Year's Eve! (girl laughs, turns to look at him) Hey–it don't have to be me! It's New Year's Eve, have sex with a black man tonight!

–Suffolk & Delancey

Passenger, about ghetto kids who just got off train: Damn, they were like the black Jersey Shore!

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: kids these days

Posted on June 16, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Laughter, Lower East Side, Music, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Race, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

Some Ignorant People Are So Heterophobic.

Woman to dogs, while passing two teens kissing against a building: Let's go, doggies, you don't need to see that.
Teen girl: Excuse me?

–71st St & West End

Overheard by: how rude

Posted on June 13, 2010
K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Man's Best Friend, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners to Go Gaga Over

Teenage boy in suit to others: Apparently I look a lot like Lady Gaga.

–42nd St

Overheard by: model UN delegate

Elderly man to elderly woman: Gaga… What's a gaga? He went to see Lady Gaga! Gaga… Gaga? Gaga? (goes on for some minutes)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Jill

Girl to friends, all singing Lady Gaga: I just want to take her face and put it in my vagina. That's how obsessed I am with Lady Gaga.

–7th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Stephanie

Girl: Lady Gaga is not going to sit on your face.

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Cass

Posted on June 9, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Names, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

…In the True Spirit Of Easter.

Teen skater #1: Dude, I wanted to chill on Easter but my mom said I had to go to church.
Teen skater #2: You should've said “mom, fuck church!”
Teen skater #1: Dude, if I had said “fuck,” I wouldn't be alive. I would've been under the couch. My mama would've stuffed me in a bag… Put some incense on that shit so it wouldn't smell.

–6 Train

Overheard by: trying not to laugh

Posted on June 4, 2010
Church, Death, Insults, Murder, On the Subway, Parents, Sensory Experiences, Skaters, Teens, Wishes & desires

At Least You'd Have Hot Dreams.

Teen guy #1: It's the middle of the night and your house is completely on fire. What do you do?
Teen guy #2: Uh… Sleep?

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on June 3, 2010
Fire, Home, Sweet Home, Stuyvesant, Teens

Wednesday One-Liners Bypass the Language Center Of the Brain

Cosmetology teacher: We do not do sterilization in this class. That is what they do in a medical lavatory.

–Cosmetology Class, Astoria

Overheard by: Kelsey

Fat black teen shoving past white couple: I like how they ain't know how a say "excuse me."

–Wilson ave, Bushwick

Xerox repairman on cell: Yo, you sound like John Lecoozigamo! He's a comedian. Le-cooz-I-ga-mo.

–132nd St & Cypress

Overheard by: office drone

Middle-aged mother with thick Staten Island accent on cell: Ronny, where are you?! We are standing outside and we are freezing the children!

–New York City Transit Museum, Brooklyn

Indignant thug to thugette: I told her we wasn't together. How did she know I'm with you? Did you tell her differentwise?

–Q20 Bus

Overheard by: Liza

Posted on June 2, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Astoria, Black People, Brooklyn, Bus, Classroom, Clerks, Couples, Education, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, Kids, Moms, More museums, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Promiscuity, Science, Street, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Bronx, Thugs, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Words

JWowsday One-Liners

Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow…

–Lafayette & St. James

Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey.

–Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it…

–Union Square

Overheard by: wgoddessw

Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ

Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on June 2, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Black People, Bosses, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Frat Boys, Friends, Guys, Men, One-liners, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Stoners, Teens, TV, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

–11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

–Dining Hall, NYU

Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!

–Times Square

Overheard by: not another tourist

15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!

–74 Bus, Staten Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cell Phone, Condoms, Cum, Education, Girls, Kosher food, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Bus, Paranoia, President, Sex, Staten Island, STDs, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Too Many Of Those to Count

Philosophical teen #1: Don't count your eggs before they hatch…
Philosophical teen #2: When should I count them?
Philosophical teen #1: Exactly.
Suit, passing: You're an idiot.

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Posted on May 24, 2010
Advice, Brooklyn, Insults, Suits, Teens

Teens