Girl: So do you have any kids?
Guy: No, but if I had a daughter I’d name her Kayla.
Girl: I know a Kayla. She’s a fucking crazy bitch.
–West 4th & 6th Ave
Girl: So do you have any kids?
Guy: No, but if I had a daughter I’d name her Kayla.
Girl: I know a Kayla. She’s a fucking crazy bitch.
–West 4th & 6th Ave
Bum walking dog, singing: Tired of looking for love in all the wrong places, ejaculating on all the wrong faces…
–72nd St & Columbus
Overheard by: Asset
Drugged-up guy singing a song to girls on subway platform, to the tune of "Earth Angel": Earth angel, earth angel, would you be mine? Earth angel, earth angel, would someone loan me money so I can bribe her to take me hoooome…
–Union Square Platform
Overheard by: Thankfully not an earth angel
Cop #1, singing to cop #2: Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee..!
–6th Ave & Waverly
Overheard by: Jatmos
Blind panhandler, singing: Can’t take my eyes off of you…
–R Train
Young hobo, singing: Gimme some money, bitch, I need a fuckin’ pen, so I can write a sign…
–St Mark’s Place
Greyhound bus driver: We’re pulling up to Port Authority now. [Sings] My Greyhound brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours, damn right, it’s better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. La la la la la- New York City! La la la la la -almost there.
–Geyhound, Port Authority
Overheard by: carly, gina, and jenna
Running jaywalker: The worst car to get hit by is a Mini Cooper!
–University & 10th St
Overheard by: Knows trucks that beg to differ
Old man crossing the street, on cell: I’m crossing the fucking street!
–42nd & Broadway
Guy wearing yarmulke, to friend: Hey, watch out! Just because you’re Jewish doesn’t mean cars won’t run you over.
–Columbus Circle
Tourist suit to other suit: New Yorkers are so rude. Just wait till you see how they all cross the street at red lights!
–Metro North Train to Grand Central
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Cop on loudspeaker, to Asian bimbo tourist trying to walk down the middle of Canal St: Sidewalks are open to the public. Please use them.
–Canal Street
Overheard by: F Tourists
[Two cops are waiting at the light. A woman jaywalks and almost gets hit by a car.]
Male cop: Phew! That would have been a lot of paper work.
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Aimee
Drunk, angry Puerto Rican girl to boyfriend: You had to make me smell like fuckin’ Chinese food on new year’s eve!
–Grand St & Graham Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: someone who happily had a different New Year’s date, and wonders whether there is a Designer Imposters version of such a scent.
Disgusted McDonald’s patron: This shit smells worse than a hobo’s taint!
–14 & Broadway
Overheard by: Shemp
Man, entering subway car: Son, it smells like home depot in here.
–4 Train
Drunk sorostitute on cell: It smelled fine. It was just a febreeze gone awry!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Queer: I can’t wait to move out of this decrepit office building. A couple of days ago a mouse died in the walls -you remember what that smells like. The guys in the office said: "Maybe it’ll go away after a week," but I told them it’s just going to get worse, so now they want to bring in some awful air freshener thing. Someone is already spraying that stuff in the men’s room, and it’s got a nasty artificial orange scent, so it smells like someone shat on a fruit basket.
–28th & Park
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl with a huge ugly weave: I smell fried chicken! [Pauses.] … Oh, it’s prolly me. [Keeps walking.]
–Library, Washington Irving High School
Hot drunk girl #1: Hey, Alice, can Asian people have dreadlocks?
Hot drunk guy: No, you have to be black or Jewish.
Hot drunk girl #2: I’m Jewish!
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Dreadless Jew
Bimbette #1: He’s hot.
Bimbette #2: I think he’s gross.
Bimbette #1: Why do you think he’s gross?
Bimbette #2: Well, he tosses salads. I personally think that’s gross. But he’s overall a cool guy.
–11th & University
Homeless man, to toddler: Can I get a high-five?
[Toddler high-fives homeless man.]Homeless man: Can I get a dollar?
–D Train
Overheard by: sara
Shivering bum: Yo, can you guys help me out? Otherwise I’m gonna sing a song and I don’t wanna hurt your ears.
–N 7th & Bedford
Black homeless man: Excuse me… Can anyone help a broke nigga get his eat on?
–6 Train
Bum: Dollar for your favorite bum?
–Lafayette & E. 4th St
Bum, approaching another bum standing in the only two square feet of sunlit space for many blocks: Yeahh! You found the spot!
–Financial District
Overheard by: nunya
Homeless man: Hello, everyone. My name is Mike*, and I’m homeless and starving. If you have any- [His cell phone rings.] Excuse me. [Picks up phone.] I’m working, man, what’s up?
–Q Train
Psychic: So, what’s your major?
Girl: Biomedical engineering.
Psychic, thinking hard: I see you… Working in the medical field… With doctors and nurses perhaps…
–The Village
Overheard by: Wow, she was onto something…
Five-year-old boy: I want a spoon of peanut butter for breakfast!
Dad: Are you allowed to eat that for breakfast? I’m not sure, let’s call your mom.
Five-year-old boy: You’re an adult, you can make those decisions.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Cecilia
Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!
–South Street Sea Port
Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York
Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!
–F Train
Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.
–Odessa’s, Ave A
Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso
Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.
–Beaver St , Hanover Square
Overheard by: WallStGuy
Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.
–V Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: Colleen
