Theater

Wednesday One-Liners Make Beautiful Music Together

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

“Pretty Wednesday One-Liner, Walkin' Down the Street…”

Drunken skinny pretty girl: Why is she so mean? I mean I'm a skinny pretty girl. She should not be mean to me!

–Halloween Party, Tribeca

Drunken hobo to girl leaving Sephora: Let me tell ya how to look beautiful. Fill ya buckets with money. Bucketfulla money makes ya look beautiful.

–17th St

Overheard by: Lillian

Voice on loudspeaker: Last call for pretty man. Last call to board for pretty man.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Jen

60-something woman to tenor, after La Traviata: Finally, an Alfredo who is good-looking!

–Stage Door, Metropolitan Opera

Hobo: I was voted best-looking bum by bum weekly 1996.

–45th & 3rd

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Go under 50 MPH or They'll Explode

30-something guy to friend: It's just like I always say! The Germans should've bombed New York!

–8th St

Guy with rainbow bead necklace, about protesters of Scientology: Nobody gets the point across without explosions.

–Outside Richard Rodgers Theater

Overheard by: Unlucky at Lotto

Man at Yankee parade: C'mon guys! Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

–Broadway & Murray Street

Overheard by: Kat

Woman: The last time I blew up my nether regions.

–Imperial Theater, 57th

Wednesday Conga Liners

Young gay: It's gay upon gay in that establishment, but not one person's dancing!

–Boiler Room, E 4th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: That's because it's the Boiler Room

Mother to five-year-old son looking at Rockettes signage: Well, for one thing, you have to be a girl. And you also have to really long legs.

–Outside Radio City Music Hall

Overheard by: Bryan

Girl: Woah, there's no one in the dance studio. That's so ironic!

–Beacon School

20-something girl: Well, the way he was dancing, I couldn't not take his wallet!

–1st Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: rachel

AC/DC: Nuh-Uh!

White-haired lady #1: She's gay. Didn't you hear her say, “I can tell by the look on your face you're gay”?
Friends: What?
White-haired lady #1: You know, gay! AC/DC. She goes both ways. She's gay.
White-haired lady #2: No. (pause) She said “I can tell by the look on your face you're a virgin.”

–Broadway Show

Overheard by: drewbear

Hard to Imagine How the World Got Overpopulated

Woman #1, seeing movie slide that read, “good karma, save Darfur”: That's horrible to save Darfur so that you improve your karma.
Woman #2: Yeah, and you know another good reason not to save Darfur? Because it's so trendy right now.
Woman #1: Yeah, there are a lot of other people that need saving.

–Angelika Theater

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Merry Fuckmas, New York!”

Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: TR

Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand… That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.

–Broadway & 43rd

20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.

–Stromboli's Pizza

Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!

–135th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Yowza

Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.

–Xmas Tree Stand, High School

Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.

–Staples, Union Square

Overheard by: Damon H.

Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?

–Carnegie Hall

…Rodeo Clowns

Female 20-something: People used to get dressed up to go to the theater. Now people are here in jeans and UGGs.
Flouncy 20-something wearing cowboy boots: I used to wear UGGs, but I wasn't getting checked out by the kind of guys I want to get checked out by.

–Imperial Theater Line

Overheard by: Emily

Fun-Size Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish guy on cell: I finally got evangelized this week! (pause) It wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be.

–121st & Broadway

Lady on cell: Have fun with the… what do you call them… Oh, people!

—Shakespeare in the Park Line, Central Park

Overheard by: Megan W.

20-something male looking at painting: Hangings probably aren't as fun as they look.

–MoMa

Kid to his mother: Wow! The critics were right, this is the most fun you can have while sitting down!

–Outside Hairspray

Overheard by: DeDra

Wednesday One-Liners Cunt Hardly Wait

Random girl: I think PETA should be informed any time an animal is fully submerged in a vagina.

–Webster Hall

Overheard by: Jen

20-something platinum blonde to another: Her vagina… Her vagina must be the size of, like, the Grand Canyon.

–7th Ave & 12th St

Girl, about her play: I don't think people are going to laugh about the vagina being killed on stage… Yeah, no one's gonna laugh when the vagina dies.

–NYU

Dude questioning another: What do mean by "moderate Taliban"? Like the women can wax their vaginas?

–Elizabeth Street

Young man shouting on cell: Then just tell her you don't like her vagina!

–26th St & Park Ave

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