Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Lady to dog: Pee! Pee! Pee! Poo on the universe!

–E 9th St

Overheard by: Jen

Well-dressed woman to little dog: Baby, those are cars. Cars are not our friends. You must always stay away from them… Are you listening to me?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Murphy

Woman, shrieking at barking dogs: Stop being crazy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: NB

Woman to Shih Tzu: Yo! I'm walking you, you're not walking me–calm down!

–109 & Manhattan Ave

Dog walker to dog, ranting: Bailey, I am so angry with you! (dog wags tail) Don't you even look at me right now! (yanks dog's leash) I'm taking the television out of your room! No more American Idol for you! (storms across street)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: allison

Woman to dog sniffing random things: Focus. Fo-cus. Shit.

–Melrose & Wilson

Overheard by: richhorner.com

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Crazy, Friendship, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Madison Square Garden, Man's Best Friend, One-liners, Parks, Pee, Poop, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner: The Diet Of Choice for Teenage Girls

Dude to another: One of us threw up in Joanna's underwear drawer, so she was really pissed.

–181st & Bennett

Girl to another: Well, you don't want to throw up in front of the guy you just had sex with!

–7th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Girl in diner booth: I'm about to throw up in my pants.

–Henry & Court

Overheard by: Alex

Train conductor lady: I am not playin'. People need to get home. Get all the way in or get off. If you are vomiting, please exit the train. I will keep this train right here and kick off every damn one of you wearing green.

–Penn Station, St. Patrick's Day

Guy, vomiting on tree: Man, fuck that tang.

–Carlton Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Zoe

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Clothing, Colors, Conductors, Drinks, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kick, Parades & Festitivites, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Sex, Staten Island, Street, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Fabric Of Our Lives in New York

Flamboyant old man, pointing at fabrics inside store: I'm telling you, honey, the orange is too loud.
Vexed shop owner: What? I can't hear you!

–Lafayette & Bowery

Overheard by: Jamal F.

Posted on August 3, 2009
Colors, Men, Old People, Shopping, Union Square and East Village, Words

They Both Cyberstalk Me Like Crazy Ex-Girlfriends

Guy: Pinkberry is right across the street from Red Mango.
Girl: That's awkward.
Guy: I know, I'm awkward about it.

–St. Marks Place

Posted on July 30, 2009
Girls, Guys, Names, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Aspire to Be Betty White

Old dog lady, smoking: Me, I've already been spayed.

–Dog Adoption Booth, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Old woman to another: Darling, I didn't know your husband was still alive!

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Elderly black woman, yelling to line of cars honking their horns for Puerto Rican Day parade: Get yo punk asses back to 5th Ave!

–Grand & Graham

Elderly woman, complaining to physical therapist: I keep walkin' like I'm drunk (pause) Cause I am drunk.

–12th & University

Overheard by: tbs

Old lady, after being knocked down by man on bike: You know what… Go to hell! (giggles to herself) I haven't said that in a looong time.

–Union Square

Overheard by: letthesunshine

Posted on July 29, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Death, Doctors, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Insults, Laughter, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Old People, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Private Parts, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners by Dr. Ruth

Woman to male companion: I told you about that guy I accidentally slept with, right?

–Bar at Sushi Samba, 7th Ave

Overheard by: David Russo

Girl to friend: Because it is more than just, sexual, you know? (pause) Well, actually, it's not, but…

–14th b/w 6th & 7th

Man to woman: You know Mesopotamian sex? That's me.

–Washington Square Park

Man walking dog on cell: My number one conquest since coming here was a 21-year-old Native American.

–27th & Broadway

Girl on cell: Mom, how am I supposed to have sex on a bed that has wheels?

–15th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Steve Hofstetter

Guy: So I fucked her on a bench, but I didn't finish, because I kept telling her about my girlfriend and how much I love her. So she got pissed of and took a taxi home to her parents.

–5th Ave

40-something man: Just tell that landlord that you don't need no electricity or no cable because you gonna be makin' love all the damn time!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: tracey

Posted on July 29, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Love, Men, On Cell, One Night Stand, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Even If It Is a Chicken Suit

Hot girl #1: You've gotta admit, you have some weird kinks.
Hot girl #2: Hey, if you can rock a suit, you can rock my world.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Amen

Posted on July 25, 2009
Clothing, Girls, Kink, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

I'm Pretty Sure That Makes You the Messiah!

Girl #1, in bathroom stall: Oh my god! I just peed for like 2000 years.
Girl #2, in another stall: Wow, that means that you're like 2000 years older.

–Phoebe's, Bowery & E 4th

Overheard by: wow, that's old.

Posted on July 25, 2009
Age/Aging, Bars & Clubs, Girls, Pee, Time, Union Square and East Village

Tim Gunn's Guide to Wednesday One-Liners

Mystical store clerk to very serious customer: Yeah, I went through like half the winter like without the appropriate headbands!

–Bookstore

Overheard by: teen

Older woman to younger woman: At least you're not wearing windpants anymore. That's an improvement right there.

–Bedford Ave & N 5th St

Middle-aged businessman to two others: In my life I've seen, at most, three people who look good in spandex.

–40th St b/w 5th & Madison Ave

Teen on cell: I think we're going to need something more supportive than a fanny pack.

–113th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Fabulous hobo: Why does a homeless man wear couture? Because he wants to show off!

–Union Square

Posted on July 22, 2009
Beauty, Brooklyn, Clerks, Clothing, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Customers, Fashion, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, Street, Suits, Teens, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Directly to My Thighs

Professor, seriously: Were you involved in the jelly bean incident?

–Physics Hallway, Trinity School

Overheard by: Siena

CSR: Stale peeps are excellent! Now, that is one finely-aged peep.

–Hudson & Houston

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Man to friends sitting on bench: You either look at the girl or you look at the ice cream!

–Outside Sundaes & Cones, 10th & 3rd

Overheard by: The Girl Anonymous

Cheerful gift shop clerk on phone: So I got my peanut buttercups and then Anne* saw me on the street and came up to me, and punched me in the face and was all "Give me a peanut buttercup!" and I said "but there are only two in the package and I was saving one for Robert*!" Then she punched me in the face again!

–The Cloisters

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Greek waitress: Ice cream without whipped cream is like… girl without boyfriend!

–Diner, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on July 22, 2009
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Friends, Hudson River, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Punch, Questions, School, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Met, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Union Square and East Village