Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Burly guy in cafe: Mind mapping's not a game. It's a reality.

–Ave A & 11th St

Overheard by: Anna P.

Cop to another: Some people play checkers, some people play chess. You, son, you play checkers.

–New Street & Beaver

Black librarian with dreads: In the game, you gotta give the black girl all your stuff, all your valuable stuff. You give it to her to hold and then you take it from her. That's how you get the trophy.

–Bronx Library

Drunk guy in the cafe car: Listen! Just because I'm white doesn't mean I can't play dominoes!

–Acela Train

Overheard by: Someone who can't play dominoes

Posted on November 18, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Guys, Psychology, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Store, The Bronx, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It's Bad Enough I Already Think About Aunt Phyllis

Clearly drunk college student: Dude, I need advice. If you meet this really hot girl that happens to have the same name as your mother, do you still do her?
Bouncer: Hell yeah. Why not? She's hot, right?
Clearly drunk college student: Ugh, I don't know. I don't want to think of my mom the whole time. I can't do it.

–Walker & Church

Posted on November 12, 2009
Advice, Bouncers, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Names, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Students, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Were Pretty Hot, Back in the Day

20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!

–27th & Lexington

Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!

–94th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Slapped her how?

Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!

–Murray St & Church St

Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters…

–Houston & Allen

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Boyfriends, Dating, Family Ties, Friends, Girlfriends, Guys, Insects, Insults, Lower East Side, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

No Meal Is Complete Without Wednesday One-Liner!

Suit: Guess what he found. (pause) A stick of butter. (pause) In the soap dish of the bathtub upstairs.

–Cafe Toda, Broadway & John St

Loud teenage boy: They're completely uncivilized. They don't even use tomato sauce.

–Japan Society

Overheard by: Sunny

Student, about dorm room: I walk in and thought there was a pile of shit on my bed. I look a little closer, and it was a fucking wad of dip.

–College, The Bronx

Student to another: Who made you the butter police?

–Union & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lauren Razzore

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Cops, Food, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Smoking, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, The Bronx, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It's a Beautiful Wednesday in the One-Linerhood

Teenage Guido on cell: The beer is staying in Marine Park. (pause) Yeah, we're going to Rockaway, but the beer is staying in Marine Park. In the alley. My alley! (pause) Yes! You don't understand English, dude!

–Burger King

Overheard by: Laura E.

Guy on cell: I'm always skeptical of people these days who say they want to go out in the Lower East Side. That makes me think they went to Trinity or Duke, and that they suck.

–S. Portland & Fulton

Guy on cell: This is a superficial neighborhood. They'll only hire you if you're young and hot.

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: didn't know my hood was superficial

Tan guy to messenger guy: So what kind of gay are you? Park Slope gay?

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Guy on cell, triumphantly: We're in the Financial District, bitch!

–Financial District

Posted on October 21, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Gays and Lesbians, Guidos, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

…Wrapped in Bacon.

20-something chick: What's a good man gift?
20-something friend: Full frontal nudity.

–Rockefeller Plaza

Posted on October 16, 2009
Friends, Gifts, Girls, Nudity, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Where's Wednesday One-Liner's Busy Bee? It Needs Its Busy Bee!!

Crazy older guy to lady in park with barking dog: Lady, you keep that dog quiet! That dog is better-looking than you are.

–W 63rd & West End

Overheard by: Beez and Newb

Guy in red shirt: You make me feel so pedophilic when I tell you about violating my dog.

–Central Park

Man on cell: You're always saying your dog is sick! "My dog has diarrhea! I can't come out!"

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: would you rather she have it?

Black kid to white couple walking poodle: I've only seen dogs like that in movies.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Poodle Lady

Girl on cell: So I'm getting off the a and I see this tall girl and I know her! So I'm like "Sarah?" and she's like "I haven't seen you since middle school!" and she cut all her hair off and she's like "When did you dye your hair black?" and my hair's soooo not black! But I saw Sarah! You know, the one whose cat tried to eat my toes off that one time! So we talked and then there was this lady who was totally tossing chow all over the place! Hello! Trash can right there—hold up, I gotta go, I see a Weiner dog!

–72nd St & Central Park West

Posted on October 7, 2009
Beastiality, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Elementary & Middle School, Film, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Illness, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Movies, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Rape, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

Jennifer Wednesday-One-Liner Hewitt

Eight-year-old girl to eight-year-old friend: You see, I love him, but I can't make that kind of commitment right now.

–Carroll Gardens

Lone suit, shaking fists in air: Why do fools fall in love?!

–Wall Street

Overheard by: poisonivy

Woman to neighbor, shouting out of the window: She's an idiot! She knows the man's a fucking bullshit artist, and she's in love with him!

–Hoffman St & 187th

Inebriated, tattooed man on cell: You fuckin' love me?! You fuckin' know what? That's fuckin' unreal, you know why?! Because you fuckin' don't!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Cara

Sallow, skinny, melancholy tattooed dude: Looking for love in all the wrong places… That's why I was after her ass.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Arts & Letters, Ass, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Love, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Port Authority, Questions, Skinny People, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Craptacular Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: My identity has totally shifted, and so have my bowel movements.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Mickey Smith

Girl to another: I took a shit in Starbucks… did you take a shit in Starbucks?

–Outside Starbucks

Woman to friend: There were no feces for (pause) two days.

–Canal and W Broadway

Overheard by: LizzieD

Girl in toilet stall, repeatedly: Someone pooped on the floor! This is so gross! Medieval freaks! And it's shaped like a dragon! Come here and look at it!

–New York Renaissance Fair

British woman to man she's walking with, as they look at a pigeon: Of course he doesn't have to sit down to poo, he's a bird!

–Washington Square South

Enraged crazy old lady feeding pigeons, to punk kid chasing pigeons: Eat the caca! Eat the caca!

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: ShaghouseGirls

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Boys, Brits, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Food, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Poop, Punks, Questions, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?

Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!

–American Eagle

Overheard by: liveyourlife

Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.

–Chinatown Bus to DC

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!

–Canal St & Broadway

Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!

–Time Warner Building

Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.

–Perry & Bleecker

Overheard by: other contenders?

Posted on October 7, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Hook Ups, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Time, Vomit, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport