Wednesday One-Liners in a Garden State of Mind

Cute queer to hot Asian friend: I would rather have you drive drunk and stay at a friend's place in Manhattan then take a cab back to Jersey.

–Manhattan

Professor: For Muslims, the afterlife is more real to them than it is to me or you. For them, dying is like…going to New Jersey. Beautiful New Jersey.

–Stern Building, NYU

Overheard by: Emily

Trashy girl (knocking on door of a convenience store that just closed): Yo, let me in! I just want to buy a Heineken before I go back to New Jersey!

–W 108th & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: MR

Construction worker to people exiting PATH station: You're from Jersey! You should be happy!

–Vesey St & Church St

20-something on cell: I'm at Penn station and there are so many guidos and guidettes on their way back to Jersey. Watching them is like watching babies stuck in a McDonald's ball pit.

–Penn Station

NJ Transit worker: You'd be surprised how many honest people there are in New Jersey.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Jersey Girl

Conductor: This is a Jersey bound Q train. Oh shiiiiit.

–Brooklyn Bound Q Train

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Insults, Islam, Manhattan, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Subway conductors, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

What Mr. Clean Commercials Are Like in Europe

Girl to boy squeezing her boobs: Oh, you are cruising for a bruising.
Boy: Haha, like the one I gave you on the kitchen table this morning?
Girl: (laughs)
Boy (suddenly serious): Man, I hope nobody ate off of that.

–Pier 11

Overheard by: mentally reviewing everyplace I ate

Posted on August 29, 2008
Boys, Default, Girls, Laughter, Sexuality, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Still Aren't a Tourist Attraction

(looking down at Washington Square Park's currently under-construction fountain)
Girl: Oh, is that where the World Trade Center used to be?

–Kimmel Center

Bensonhurst Italian guy on phone: I can't fuckin' wait for the Freedom Tower.

–Financial District

Suit on cell: Does anyone know where 9/11 is?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jeffrey

Tourist: Is this the train to 9/11?

–R Train

Confused tourist (thinking he's looking at the WTC site): Will you look at that? They put a fucking graveyard in there! I mean, what the fuck?

–St. Paul's Church, Broadway & Fulton

Tourist: My favorite is my 9/11 Santa.

–Museum Shop, 53rd b/w 5th & 6th

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Directions, Girls, Ground Zero, Guidos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museums, Names, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Tourists, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

A Gaggle Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.

–14th & 2nd

Overheard by: LIZ

Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference?

–Biddy Early's Pub

Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!

–3 Train

Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?

–Times Square

Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.

–92nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Mad Man

Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.

–Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Library, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People, Words

And the Day Is Young

Guy in line for hot dog: Oh, so you're pregnant?
Woman in line (looks at stomach): Nope, just fat.

–Hot Dog Vendor near WTC

Overheard by: JB

Posted on August 26, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Guys, Hot dog stands, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

“Ick” Is Metrosexual in Origin

woman #1: I think he's gay. He uses the word “eeek” a lot.
Woman #2: “I-c-k”?
Woman #1: No, “e-e-e-c-k”.
Woman #2: Isn't it “c-h”?
Woman #1: “C-h,” “c-k,” who cares! But that's gay, right?
Woman #2: Totally.

–Dylan Prime Restaurant, Tribeca

Posted on August 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

That's Just Your Conscience Dying

Ingenue: She looks good for her age.
Jaded older woman: Botox and lifts.
Ingenue: At least her hair is natural.
Jaded older woman: You kidding? She dyes every week.
Ingenue: Her teeth.
Jaded older woman: Please.
Ingenue: Why do I feel guilty just talking to you?

–Front & Wall Streets

Overheard by: Feeling Guilty for Just Listening

Posted on August 15, 2008
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Botox, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Gossip, Hair, Old People, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner!

Young mother: Yeah, she still talks like a baby. She still talkin' baby talk. Her favorite word is "bitch."

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Black chick on phone: So I asked that bitch and she said he's gonna be in the Special Olympics in Secaucus.

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jake

Conductor over PA system: Don't hold the doors, bitches!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Anna

Ghetto boyfriend to ghetto girlfriend: You know… You know that I luh' you, but I just wanna know, why you don't luh' me? Why, bitch, why?!

–Broadway & Canal

Overheard by: Aviva

Man on cell: It was a bad bitch? …a bad bitch?

–37th & Broadway

Girl to friend: …so then the guy turns the fuck around during "Chim chiminey" and just loses his shit on those two old bitches.

–24th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Viv

Posted on August 13, 2008
Babies, Black People, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Couples, Ghetto Chicks, Girlfriends, Girls, Insults, Love, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Shoes, Singing, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Stuff of Myth

Really pissed mom: And do you know what size unicorn they tried on her first? Medium.

–Macy's

Cafe employee, about pastries: Those look like fairy testicles.

–HopScotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Guy yelling to passers-by: You're all materialistic, yuppie, vampire kings!

–W4th & Cornelia

Overheard by: greg

Man on cell: So Santa Claus will be there?

–Broadway & Wall St

Woman: When she was a newborn she looked exactly like Yoda, and then she grew up into Dopey.

–Penn Plaza

Five-year-old boy looking out of window: Ahh! I hate the sun! Vampires hate the sun!

–Q Train

Overheard by: LoRna

Posted on August 6, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Holidays, Insults, Kids, Magic, Men, Moms, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Kathy Griffin Makes Fun Of Wednesday One-Liners

White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!"

–UES

Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense.

–St. Mark’s Place

Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf

Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister.

–Houston & West Broadway

Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on.

–W 19th St

Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much.

–NYAS Shuttle, JFK

Overheard by: innocent bus rider

Posted on July 23, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Boys, Bus Drivers, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Innuendo, JFK Airport, Kids, Movies, Parents, Pictures, Queer guys, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport