“Wednesday One-Liners” by Mennen

45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!

–Houlihans Restaurant

Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old

Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.

–86th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Alan

British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Just around

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, BJs, Body Parts, Brits, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Family Ties, Girls, Hair, On Cell, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Yo' Mama's So Wednesday, She's a One-Liner!

Sleazy biker, taking a bottle from marathon relief table: My mother always told me I should be bottle-fed.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Uncomfortable volunteer

NYU student on cell, angrily: I was trying to show your mom a good time so I wouldn't have to stick my dick in her again!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: chris k.

Guido on cell: So you fucked the mother *and* the daughter?

–23rd & 3rd

Guy to girl: Anything over 50 is a super milf!

–Chelsea

Teen to friend: Cause I ain't no full-time mama. I'm a part-time mama.

–Church & Chambers

Middle aged hipster with ponytail and gray streaked goatee: I'm a soccer mom!

–Times Square

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinks, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hipsters, MILF, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Hershey's Wednesday One-Liners

Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know."

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: jaytro

Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay?

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him.

–Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chuckles

Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute!

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Death, Drunks, Family Ties, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, Marriage, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Stoners, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Whatever, Just Say It Loud

Woman to friends: So he and his…what do you call an 80-year-old girlfriend? His main squeeze?
Man: His chick!

–Broadway & 102nd

Headline by: markle9

Runners-Up:
· “Ashton Just Calls Her Demi” – AL
· “His Barely Living Proof Of Gravity?” – Aditya
· “His Early Bird Special?” – Siobhan
· “His Old Lady? Nah, That’s Too Obvious” – BLS Martha
· “I Believe A-Rod Calls Her Madge” – Gross
· “The Cool Kids Would Say “GILF”” – KateNonymous

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on November 24, 2008
Age/Aging, Friends, Headline Contest Winners, Men, Questions, Relationships, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women, Words

The Hardy Boys Were Called in to Investigate

White lady reading gossip magazine: Will you all be quiet? I wanna read about Madonna's age mystery!
Black hipster girl: Look at that bitch's hands! Case closed.

–2 Train

Overheard by: not from these parts

Posted on November 22, 2008
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Black People, Body Parts, Girls, Gossip, Hipsters, On the Subway, Physical appearance, White People, Women

I Blame Your Mother for Playing Neil Diamond

Susie: (singing)
Father: How old are you, Susie?
Susie: Nine.
Father: No…
Susie: Okay, I'm six.
Father: Do you want to live to be seven?
Susie: Mhmm…
Father: Then shut up.

–Post Office, 112th b/w Broadway & Amersterdam

Overheard by: Kristina

Posted on November 14, 2008
Age/Aging, Dads, Death, Family Ties, Kids, Murder, Music, Post Office, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

Eww, You Mean Like Friendship?

Hipster guy: He's 65?
Hipster girl: I think so, yes, he's a photographer.
Hipster guy: I just don't understand what the attraction is.
Hipster girl: Well, it's not like I want to have some Hollywood romance, I just want to go over to his apartment and like eat a sandwich and play with his dog.

–Uptown A Train

Posted on November 11, 2008
Age/Aging, Food, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Man's Best Friend, On the Subway, Relationships

Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It

20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.

–159th & Broadway

Overheard by: morgan

Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: bRonwyn

20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!

–7 Train

Overheard by: becky z-dub

Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?

–Bedford & 8th

20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!

–Coffee shop, Crown Heights

Overheard by: Eric

Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!

–Great Hall, Cooper Union

Overheard by: NYUTSOA12