Woman to friends: So he and his…what do you call an 80-year-old girlfriend? His main squeeze?
Man: His chick!
–Broadway & 102nd
Headline by: markle9
Runners-Up:
· “Ashton Just Calls Her Demi” – AL
· “His Barely Living Proof Of Gravity?” – Aditya
· “His Early Bird Special?” – Siobhan
· “His Old Lady? Nah, That’s Too Obvious” – BLS Martha
· “I Believe A-Rod Calls Her Madge” – Gross
· “The Cool Kids Would Say “GILF”” – KateNonymous
White lady reading gossip magazine: Will you all be quiet? I wanna read about Madonna's age mystery!
Black hipster girl: Look at that bitch's hands! Case closed.
–2 Train
Overheard by: not from these parts
Susie: (singing)
Father: How old are you, Susie?
Susie: Nine.
Father: No…
Susie: Okay, I'm six.
Father: Do you want to live to be seven?
Susie: Mhmm…
Father: Then shut up.
–Post Office, 112th b/w Broadway & Amersterdam
Overheard by: Kristina
Hipster guy: He's 65?
Hipster girl: I think so, yes, he's a photographer.
Hipster guy: I just don't understand what the attraction is.
Hipster girl: Well, it's not like I want to have some Hollywood romance, I just want to go over to his apartment and like eat a sandwich and play with his dog.
–Uptown A Train
20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.
–159th & Broadway
Overheard by: morgan
Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: bRonwyn
20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!
–7 Train
Overheard by: becky z-dub
Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?
–Bedford & 8th
20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!
–Coffee shop, Crown Heights
Overheard by: Eric
Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!
–Great Hall, Cooper Union
Overheard by: NYUTSOA12
30-year-old man: Hey, I don't do this very often but I need a date to the Mets game tomorrow. Here's my number.
Girl: Do you know how old I am?
30-year-old man: Um…
Girl: 17.
30-year-old man: Oh.
–5th & 48th
Seven-year-old son of thug: I'm gonna be America's Next Top Model!
Thug dad: You kiddin' me?! You a baby. You America's next top baby.
–147th & Fredrick Douglas Blvd
Overheard by: Trixie
Ghetto woman: She raped a 12-year-old boy?
Ghetto man: Yeah, she just opened the door and grabbed him and started fucking him.
Ghetto woman: Damn, that nigga probably went back and told all the Boy Scouts!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Skyler Fox
Drunk girl #1: You can buy the morning after pill with your ID now!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, I was think about buying a hamster from PETCO now that I'm old enough!
–3rd Ave & 13th St
Teen: I'll get us a cab.
Grandma: Let's just walk, it's only a few blocks from here.
Teen: Are you sure? What about your hip?
Grandma: Well, it hurts, dear, but I'm not going to be a pussy about it.
–57th St
