A Matter of Life and Wednesday One-Liners

Asian chick: I guess upstate is just one big… thing. And the people up there are, like, robots. They have so many rules… And what are they for? I mean, they’re to kill people… And I am anti-violence.

–NYU bus

Overheard by: Moose

Crazy lady to frustrated friends: All she needs to do is fucking die, okay?

–Woodside Station

Overheard by: Jesse

NYU student: Last time I did the Ouija board it told me I was going to die… Then it turned out to be right.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: only cats have nine lives

Conductor: The consequence of using a cell phone in the quiet car is… the death penalty.

–Amtrak to Boston

Five-year-old boy: But Dad, it was a dead gypsy!

–Washington & Rector

Middle-aged woman to younger woman, matter-of-fact: … And it’s not like you meant to kill her. You were just fooling around.

–E 12th St, between 5th Ave & University Pl

Overheard by: Liz A

Posted on February 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

It’s Wednesday One-liners, Crazy

Too tan woman: It’s the first day in a week that no one has called me a psychopath….yet.

–W. 66th between Broadway and Central Park West

Guy: I thought when I got up I was going to lose control. Then it went away.

–54th between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Brandy Rowell

Big guy: That girl’s a serial killer. She murders men and then leaves panties on their face.

–47th Street & 5th Avenue

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Turtle Bay, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Take Occasional Breaks to Eat and Shower

Mini-skirt on cell: Just because I had sex with you doesn't mean I gave you my phone number!

–52nd & Lexington

Brunette with a booty on her cell: You're going to be a whore this summer. (quick pause) Can you start by coming out here and whoring yourself?!

–Penn Station

Hot brunette on cell: Ohmigod. How does he do those backflips? He's like 6 feet tall and super built. He probably gets so much ass. Whatever, I would totally be his groupie.

–Midtown East

Overheard by: damn i'd be his groupie too

Bouncer to bouncer: The bible does say "Be fruitful and multiply." It doesn't say "with one person."

–West Village

Overheard by: Bible Fan

Chick: I'm not a whore, but I am not gonna miss out on a chance to fuck that bitch's boyfriend. Plus, she owes me like 30 bucks.

–L Train

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bouncers, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One Night Stand, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Religion, Sex, West Village, Words

Wednesday One-Liners–No Apologies Necessary

Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.

–Avenue C

Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.

–6th & 27th

Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.

–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand

Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: rpk

Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.

–Astor Place

Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!

–5th Ave, near Empire State Building

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Apologies, Brits, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dominicans, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYC Geography, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Not Kosher

Lady yuppie: I’m going to be in Williamsburg in half an hour. There’s a pig I need to buy. Wanna get a drink?

–12th St & 7th Ave

Fancy lady on cell: Hey, Andrea, it’s me. Just wanted to see how you were doing… And if you got a new pig… Call me back!

–4th St, between 1st Ave & Ave A

Overheard by: queemy’s mommy

Drunk guy: I basically had pigs eating shit out of my ass!

–4th St & 1st Ave

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Kink, Offers and requests, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners Drop Names

Chick: Amerigo Vespucci was a cartographer, you whore!

–14th & B

Overheard by: Djlindee

Man on cell: She has a Waldorfian obsession with keeping children warm. I mean, kids are raised in Norway and Iceland all the time and have nice rosy cheeks.

–Washington Mutual kiosk, Canal Street

Black kid: …yeah, I like Black Rob, but he be using big words…like society.

–1 train

Chick: Everyone thinks Mary’s such a goody-goody…but she won second place in the deep throat contest.

–Washington & Gansevoort

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Names, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan

Posted on February 10, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Music, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, TV, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Gone Wild

College-aged girl, to her friends: We have to make out tonight. And we have to get it on camera.

–Ave A

Overheard by: damnitanyway

Yuppie girl: I felt so uncomfortable so, like, I had to get wasted.

–9th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Corbin

18-year-old Asian girl: My parents just don’t know me anymore, you know? I’ve changed my last year in New York, you know? Like, I’ve had sex with a lot of people.

–Food Emporium, 50th & 8th

Girl in red leather pants, on cell: Yeah, but you have to bring a leather outfit, otherwise you won’t get any clients. Everyone there is a biker or otherwise they are latex fetishists.

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: ejuliast

Girl: I used to have two vibrators, but I broke ’em both.

–14th St

Trendy girl on cell: Yeah, so Long Islanders will be there. You know what that means: debauchery…and danger!

–41st & Lex

Girl: He had the nerve to tell me that I had no life. I was like, “I do too have a life! I am drinking constantly!”

—Petite Abeille, Tribeca

Posted on February 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Go to Brooklyn to Eat

Elderly woman yelling at man looking at map: Where you going? What color is your train? Is it yellow or orange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, orange, yellow, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can't forget that. Just don't go to Brooklyn. No. No. No-o-o-o. Not there.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl on phone: My friend said that's probably why I don't like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the living dead outside my window…

–Amsterdam & 112th

Upper East Side man: If you really want to rough it, go to Brooklyn.

–84th & 2nd

Little girl shouting: Everyone in this entire building is going to Brooklyn!

–Grand Central

Posted on February 8, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Colors, Columbia University, Death, Directions, Film, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Let’s Get It On, Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: She is worse than blow, man…I can never have sex with anyone else ever again now that I’ve had a taste of paradise.

–Starbucks, 43rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So how come you never told me about this other girl you are dating? She’s from work? You have to tell me these things! You can’t just keep this shit from me…wait, so you just fucked her and now it’s over? That’s how it is? Why are you telling me this? You can’t just tell me this!

–Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Douglas Dukeman

Chick on cell: I swear to you, Matt was an animal in bed last night, but Kelly was much better.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sophia

Posted on February 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Infidelity, Promiscuity, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

All Wednesday One-Liners