Wednesday Drunk-Liners

Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie!

–W 88th St

Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick!

–Metro-North Train

Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine!

–East Village

Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor

Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand!

–Poker Game, Astoria

Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY

Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit!

–L Train

Posted on September 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Bitch-slap, Cleanliness, Couples, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Insults, Names, Nudity, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Hope It’s Just Ketchup

Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?

–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him

Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…

–G Train

One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.

–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave

MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.

–Penn Station

Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.

–6 Train

Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?

–36th St & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Cody

Posted on August 29, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Buildings, Celebrations/Parties, Cops, Creepsters, Girls, Illness, Insults, Medicine, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Science, Sexuality, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness, Women

See, He's Got the Cane, But No Cheetah Hat

(elderly gentleman in a brown suit with matching fedora walks by)
Ghetto #14 year-old-girl (screaming): Oh my god! It's a pimp! He's a fucking pimp!
Ghetto #14 year-old boy: Nah, he ain't a pimp. He can't be–he's like 90…and he's white.

–Under Broadway Stop, Astoria

Overheard by: well, it aint easy

Posted on August 11, 2014
Age/Aging, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Default, Ghetto Chicks, Jobs & Careers, Prostitution, Race, Teens, Thugs

Those Satanic Greeks

A group of punks walk by the Hellenic Steaks restaurant.

Punk: This restaurant is perfect for me: I love steak, and I love Satan!

–Astoria

Posted on July 27, 2014
Astoria, Food, Punks, Satan

Well I’ve drank Pepsi Edge, and I did use a cup

Guy: Of course I’ve drank kerosene. But it wasn’t like I used a cup, though. I used a siphon.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Stephie Russell

Posted on July 14, 2014
Astoria, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Have at Least One Marketable Skill

Pragmatist: I figure if I don’t get a job in publishing, I’ll become a video vixen.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: Christine

Skank: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl…I am a dancer!

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Skye

Ditz: Supposably [sic], she’s going to be dancing in some Beyonce video. She’s so stupid.

–54th St between 9th & 10th

Media scholar: Well it’s different when the girl getting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that’s great when you’re 15.

–20th & 8th

Posted on December 2, 2012
A-List, About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, TV

Alex Placed Dead Last at the Insult Olympics.

Preteen boy #1, looking at tiny Yorkie: Wow, that is the smallest thing I've ever seen.
Preteen boy #2: That's what she said.
Preteen boy #1: Yeah, that's what she didn't say about you! I mean, that's what she didn't say to me! That's what she said about you!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: real smooth.

Posted on January 2, 2011
Astoria, Body Parts, Insults, Physical appearance, Stupidity, Teens

Astoria's Already on the Dark Side

Unattended older child, playing with Star Wars toy: Pew, pew, pew! I shot you, you bastard!
Younger brother: Hey, don't talk like that to Star Wars!

–McDonald's, Astoria

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster