Black People

Wednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)

Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning!

–Grand Concourse, 205th St.

Overheard by: LSB

Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs.

–11th & A

Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray.

–C Train

Overheard by: Mark

Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion.

–Queens Mall

Overheard by: LSB

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

That, Sir, May Have Been His Point

Obnoxious NYU girl to friends: Ew! He passed and was like “damn, look at that ass on that white girl!”
Ghetto man, passing by: Psh–what ass?

–Union Square

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Bearsian

Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.

–Lower East Side Art Gallery

Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.

–Houston & Clinton

Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Yehuda

J. Lo. and Puffy's Unfinished Life Together

Black guy with bags, bumping into Hispanic woman: Don't gimme that look, not my fault, not my fuckin' fault! (Hispanic woman just glares) Look at me again and I'll fuck you in the ass!

–53rd St & 5th Ave

Nothing Quite as Cultured as Interjecting with a Slur

White guy: Alien vs. Predator was such a bad movie.
Black guy: Tell me something. Where do Alien and Predator come from?
White guy: What do you mean? They come from somebody’s imagination, of course.
Black guy: No, I mean what movies they came from.
White guy: You are aware that there was a movie called Alien and there was another called Predator.
Black guy: Nope, never even heard of them.
Old man: Learn the culture, nigger!

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Ting

What, Are You Kidding?

Black guy #1: I got Allison a gift for Valentine's Day.
Black guy #2: I also got Allison a gift.
Black guy #1: Wait, black Allison?

–6 Train

They Did It to Confuse You

In a dark movie theater–

Black guy standing up in his seat: Yo! I’m right over here, hurry up and get your ass through the aisle.
Hispanic guy: It’s not my problem I can’t see you in the dark, cuz you so black! The only the thing I can see is your white t-shirt, but everybody has white on

–Lincoln Center AMC Theater

Overheard by: JKim

Where’d You Get That Prominent Ribcage?

Black guy #1 to passing white girl: Where’d you get that nice big ass? Your mother give you that ass?
Black guy #2: Naw, man. White girl don’t wanna hear she got a big ass. Only black girls wanna hear that shit.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: DZW

Have a Happy Kwanzaakkah!

Waiter: Hey, wassup? I’m Sean. What’s your name?
Girl: Rebecca. Nice to meet you.
Waiter: And you, man?
Guy: Kwanzaa.
Waiter: Hey, by any change you are mixed with Jewish?
Guy: Er, no, everything but.
Waiter: Well…’cause, you know, I’m Jewish.
Guy: …Okay.
Waiter: Uh, ’cause you know, Kwanzaa’s a Jewish Holiday?
Girl: It is? Wow, I didn’t know that.

–Diner 24, 8th Avenue

Overheard by: enkie

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