Bus driver has huge sign pinned to his sleeve clearly reading, “Yes, I stop at Willowbrook Mall and 23 Park/Ride.”
Woman boarding bus: Do you stop at Willowbrook Mall?
–Port Authority
Bus driver has huge sign pinned to his sleeve clearly reading, “Yes, I stop at Willowbrook Mall and 23 Park/Ride.”
Woman boarding bus: Do you stop at Willowbrook Mall?
–Port Authority
Middle-aged woman: Tradition brings us all together and makes us feel close.
Twentysomething woman: That’s not the tradition; it’s the Jack Daniels.
–M60 bus, Triboro Bridge
Overheard by: djlindee
Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother.
–M08 Bus
20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special!
–207th St & Broadway
Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass?
–LIRR
Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message.
–Metro-North Rail
Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about.
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Carolyn
Dude looking at girl shoes: If I were a chick I'd wear the ugliest shoes, I swear.
–5th Ave
Woman on phone call with son's teacher: I know he's in the big boy group, but if you see he put his shoes on the wrong feet again, could you just let him know, please?
–57th St & Madison
Four-year-old girl: My toes are in my shoes!
–Bus
Overheard by: vcstr
Girl, with pride: I can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes. My feet are so black and blue, and so are you!
–F Train
Overheard by: Ofelia Hiney
Gay guy to friend: Oh, c'mon, at its best, The Wizard of Oz is just a story about two women fighting over a pair of shoes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Paul N.
African American middle-aged lady #1: So my neighbor said they are moving to Pennsylvania.
African American middle-aged lady #2: Yeah, I know people are moving there. It's to avoid the criminal element.
African American middle-aged lady #1: They are the criminal element!
–M1 Bus
Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"
–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: also loud
Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.
–116th & 1st
Overheard by: DonnaRae
Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: intern2
Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."
–Mercer & W 3rd
Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!
–East Village
20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.
–Express Bus to Brooklyn
Guy #1: You know that video with the guys and the elephants with the butt sex?
Guy #2: Yeah, that must hurt. What about the one with the black guys?
Guy #1: Oh, the one with the BJs?
(later)
Guy #2: When I was younger I used to masturbate with my friend. We would put a pillow between us and jack off.
–B1 Bus
Conductor: This is the 3:07 off peak train to Huntington. Stopping at Woodside, Jamaica, New Hyde Park…blah, blah, blah, you get the idea. Watch the gap. (clicks microphone off)
–LIRR
Conductor: There's a 2 express train right across the platform. Ready, set, go!
–1 Train
Conductor: There's a Brighton Beach-bound b train across the platform. Say that three times fast.
–F Train
Overheard by: Thom Cohen
Conductor: Ladies and gentleman, I have a very important announcement: this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. I repeat, this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. There will be another train after this one, and another one after that.
–Downtown 2 Train
Train conductor: This message is for the young man who stepped to the edge of the platform at the front of the train. This train feels no pain, this train has no brain. How about you?
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Guitarbuyer
Bus driver: This is East 18th Street. If you get off here, you'll be at the q train faster. If you choose to not use your god-given walking ability, the q train is next.
–B11 Bus
Overheard by: not using her god given walking ability
Conductor: This is 96th Street. Next stop, 103rd. Everyone ready? And away we go!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ali
40-something woman #1: Look at his little face! Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God.
40-something woman #1: Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Isn't he cute?! Look at him!
40-something woman #1: So cute.
40-something woman #2: On my god! I can't believe how cute he is.
40-something woman #1: He is so cute! His little pink face!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
(pause)
40-something woman #1: Isn't he cute?!?!
40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God. So. Fucking. Cute.
40-something woman #1: I love him! He's so cute!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
40-something woman #1: I just can't stand it!
–14D Bus
Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money?
–47th & 5th
Overheard by: Adam Bertocci
Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money!
–M14 bus
Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change!
–14th between 5th & University
Overheard by: theNJl
Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money.
–Starbucks, 27th & Park
Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson
