Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.

–York & 72nd

Overheard by: fance

Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!

–Borders Bookstore, Midtown

Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.

–Train, Penn Station

Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?

–Stuyvesant High School

Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!

–1st & 7th

Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

Posted on May 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Clerks, Clothing, Conductors, Erections, God, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Religion, Shopping, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Teens, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

The Public Immodesty of Wednesday One-Liners

Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I mean, I totally don’t get what your mom’s problem is. I mean, it covers your vagina!

–109th & CPW

Overheard by: Harris Mercer

NYU girl: I wore this to a party the other night, and I thought, ‘Slut, slut slut.’ But then I looked around…

–W 4th & MacDougal

Overheard by: Martin Johnson

Fat Caribbean woman to another: Oh, girls’ skirts today! My daughter — her skirt was so short you could see what she had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

–5 train

B&T girl to another: Now I have to go home and pick out an outfit to cheat on my boyfriend with for tomorrow night.

–14th & 9th

Overheard by: DocThomp

Teen girl on cell: … Something slutty. … What are you going to wear?

–Union Square Holiday Market

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on May 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Step Two: Repeat

Little boy: …and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off!

–Barnes & Noble ladies’ room, Union Square

Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram

Posted on April 29, 2015
Clothing, Kids, Moms, Penis, Stall Spies

…Haha! Just Kidding!! You Should've Seen the Look on Your Face!

Guy #1: Those pants are cute. Did you buy them with the paint on them?
Guy #2: No, I was painting last weekend.

–68th St Loews Theater

Overheard by: amalthya

Posted on April 28, 2015
Beauty, Clothing, Guys, Movie Theaters, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I'm Pretty Sure I've Seen Bono in Ripped Jeans. Just Saying.

Mom to daughter, taking out ripped jeans: Rosemary, the people in Ireland will be thinking, “what is she doing wearing ripped jeans?”
Daughter: Mom, I'm sure that people in Ireland wear ripped jeans.
Mom: Yeah, poor people.

–Laundry Room, W 116th St

Posted on April 27, 2015
Clothing, Global Geography, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Money & Class

Don’t Get Your Wednesday One-Liners in a Twist!

Hot British chick on cell, looking through her bag: Oh, dear! I still have your knickers!

–Outside FIT

Overheard by: epsd101

Disgusted teen to pals: You don’t put dirty underwear in a Marc Jacobs handbag!

–75th & Park

Overheard by: Oh to be Priveledged…

Whiny girl: I feel so shitty tonight, like if my D cups were B cups or something.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Trixie

Asian guy to another: By the end of the summer, both of us better be A cups!

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Girl: What do you mean you don’t know?! Look in your underwear!

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: Thinking about my tighty-whities

Posted on April 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

And I Can't Ask— He Doesn't Own His Own Brownstone

Douche #1: Yeah, I can only wear tailored shirts now, I can't wear stuff right out of the store anymore.
Douche #2: Dude, do you, like, get them mammogramed?
Douche #1: Nah, I'm not sure if my tailor does that.

–4 Train

Overheard by: I.D.H.

Posted on April 23, 2015
Clothing, Idiots, On the Subway, Questions, Shopping

Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.

–2nd St & Ave B

Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?

–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Linda

Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!

–Starbucks, La Guardia airport

Overheard by: Allears

Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!

–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St

Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?

–Greene St & Prince St

Overheard by: deadzebra

Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!

–PATH train

Overheard by: blkgirl

Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?

–Broadway & Prince St

Overheard by: djingo

Posted on April 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Bimbettes, Cashiers, Clothing, Creepsters, Customers, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Rack, Religion, Shopping, Soho, Starbucks, Store, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village

Is “Polishing Your Guns” a Euphemism?

Suit #1: Yeah, when my daughter is a teenager and boys come calling…
Suit #2, interrupting: You'll be sitting at the door in your underwear, smoking a cigar and polishing your guns!
(they laugh hysterically)

–E Train

Overheard by: Jess K.

Posted on April 16, 2015
Age/Aging, Clothing, Family Ties, Laughter, On the Subway, Smoking, Suits, Weapons

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

NYU JAP on phone to mother (enraged): Ugh, mom! No! Wearing seasonally inappropriate outerwear will not make me sweat and lose weight!

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Maeve

Woman in line with friend at Duane Reade, reading can of energy drink: Wait. There's carbs in here? Like bread carbs? Carbs are bread, right? Cause when people go on, like, a low carb diet, they don't eat any bread, right? But I still don't understand why there's bread in here. Whatever. It doesn't even taste like bread.

–Duane Reade

10-year-old kid to friend: So you're a year older than me, but you're 20 pounds lighter? That's fucked up.

–Christopher St & Waverly Place

Overheard by: sharknife

Girl: You know how some people are social drinkers? I'm a social eater.

–NYU

Overheard by: ninja z

Asian fashionista: Yeah, I think I'm like a size 12 in boys.

–Conde Nast Building

Overheard by: jackattack

Loud guy on cell: Actually, I can't be bulimic anymore because I have no gag reflex. I've been sucking too much cock.

–34th & 7th Ave