Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: I'll have a cosmopolitan.
Bartender: We don't serve cosmos here.
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: Fine, I'll have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: We've got two types of beer. Light and dark.
(woman pauses in thought)
Bartender: Here, honey. Try the light. It's kind of like a cosmo.
–McSorley's, Bowery & 7th
Clearly-an-out-of-towner #1: Dude! I just saw Jessica Alba go into Red Lobster!
Clearly-an-out-of-towner #2: Whoa! Dude! New York is different than Wyoming!
–E Train
Overheard by: Lee
Pretty 20-something girl #1: No, he's not like mentally retarded, More like physically retarded.
Pretty 20-something girl #2: Oh, like my toe.
Pretty 20-something girl #1: Exactly.
–Wall Street
Black lady #1: Dr. Marbles? Like marbles? Like marbles you pick up and play with?
Black lady #2: Girl, you need to change your tonation…
–Columbia
Overheard by: Tonation hopefully in check
Professor: Why do people take drugs? Because their lives suck. That's right…all of you.
–Manhattan College
Chemistry professor, discussing quantum physics: If you beat on something hard enough, you can get it to do what you want!
–St. John's University, New York City
Property professor, after playing Barbra Streisand's version of "Not While I'm Around": Now, is that the same song as Steven Sondheim's version in Sweeney Todd?? (dreamily) Well, when Barbra Streisand does a song…is it ever the same song?
–St. John's Law School
Overheard by: Cori
Professor: If Obama wins the election, I'll buy you all beer.
–The Cooper Union
Professor: So the way Saint Augustine broke the Lord's commandment not to steal (nobody in class is listening) Was all just his way of honoring the Lord's law, by creating his own. It's sort of like when you have a child that's not allowed to stay up past nine but he knows his parents can stay up as late as they want, so in an act of rebellion he smears his shit all over the walls.
–NYU
Professor: Now, for your presentations, there is a time limit. If you go over nine minutes, I will cut you. (silent pause) …off.
–City College of New York
Russian woman to Russian friend: I want to see Notorious because it's about black people.
–Regal Cinema, 13th & Broadway
High school boy: Hey, look–a black kid!
–B1 Bus
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Black guy: Don't worry, its alright! I'm not that black! I haven't mugged anybody in two weeks, and I love all white people under six feet tall!
–Time Square
Overheard by: Jennie
Middle-aged black woman, to no one in particular: That George W. Bush! He walks like an arrogant black man!
–Queens
Overheard by: BigFatTiger
Nerdy Jewish guy: I don't know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now!
–Queens College
Tourist mom: The last thing I wanted was to be drunk in front of my children.
Son: Too late.
–Embassy Suites, near WTC
Overheard by: Shanaca
Girl on phone: Oh my god, mom! Aren't you so excited about these new reforms? I am so excited about these new reforms! Almost as excited as I am about my new water bottle!
–Barnard College Campus
Black guy to two other guys: And then he disrespected me… So I threw a bottle of Snapple at his head.
–Central Park
Guy selling water in the street: Ice cold water! Ice cold water! One dollar. Only a dollar. It's only a dollar, assholes!
–Harlem
Guy speaking to someone else: Juice! It's moose, with a j, holla!
–Highline Ballroom
Overheard by: Pasha
Old man #1: It was uplifting.
Old man #2: Dead babies?
–Cranberry Cafe
Overheard by: Jordan
Guy to friend: When Obama wins, I'm going to slap a white person.
–Central Park Bench
Overheard by: Lane
Lady getting sprayed with perfume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white people.
–East Drive, Prospect Park
Overheard by: White smelly jogger
Black gay man sans shirt, upon seeing group of white girls wandering: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I didn't mean it like that.
–Christopher St
Gentleman walking past Miss Mamie's Spoonbread Too restaurant: Man, black people eating tofu, white people eating spoonbread…
–W 110th & Columbus
Gingy, referring to ebony colored condoms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he'll still be black!
–E Broadway 99 Cent Store
Black lady in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black power! (the only white girl around looks up confusedly, now black lady screams in her face) White flower!
–125th & Adam Clayton Powell
Overheard by: Ruby
