Crazy man: [gibbering]Sane man: Man, you’re crazy.
Crazy man: I’m not crazy. I’m just an instrument out of tune!
–2 train
Overheard by: Claire
Crazy man: [gibbering]Sane man: Man, you’re crazy.
Crazy man: I’m not crazy. I’m just an instrument out of tune!
–2 train
Overheard by: Claire
HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.
–E train
Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.
–Small diner, Chinatown
Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.
–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Gigi
Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.
–Rue 57, 57th & 6th
Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!
–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?
Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?
Guy: Make your own ammonium nitrate! Ask me how!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Black Israelite: I blame all our problems on white people, you fucking cock-sucking slave owners. My kippa brothers are gonna get you, you hear me?! They gon’ get you.
–125th St. & 4th Ave.
Overheard by: Ting
Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for being an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, lady. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. Whatever. See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya!
–F train
Queer: He totally has to understand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stewart people are crazy too!
–27th street office
Crazy lady: Well, I think you should give me my musical instruments back because I know that you’ve been stealing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not music. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy.
–Bedford Avenue station
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Crazy man: I already told you I don’t have no chicken. Besides, I gave you that tree last week.
–54th & 11th
Crazy woman: I’ve got demons behind me, shit next to me, and the ugly ones in front of me. I need an angel above me.
–World Financial Center
Overheard by: Dr. Ballon
Crazy bag lady: Stay away from the people! Stay away from the idiot Mexicans!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysitter from across the hall?…is watching me.
–46th & 8th
Overheard by: ballpeen hammer
Crazy lady: I don’t believe this. Pussyass son of a fucking faggot!
–Lexington & 23rd
Hobo: Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you!
–19th between 7th & 8th
I had just missed the train and was waiting on the bench at the end of the platform when a ragged looking crazy man starts pacing around in front of me. He says to himself: …and when I don’t take my medication, I get a little crazy, but I don’t like to take it because it makes me feel different…New Yorkers are all rude. In New Jersey they’ll say “Hi” back to you and ask how you are doing. New Yorkers are all rude or scared.
Crazy man sits a seat down from me. I am a typical computer tech: glasses, chunky, and neat. I am looking straight at the tracks, ignoring him.
Crazy man: This city’s full of queers and niggers and geeks, yeah geeks.
He looks at me and says: They’re all rude or scared. Scared that you’ll beat them. Beat on them. You know what I mean?
I don’t answer and am looking away from him.
Crazy man: See! See! Rude…scared.
He opens a NY Post.
Crazy man: Look at all these murders. All these people dying. Ever think they deserved to die, though?
I get up and walk all the way to the other end of the platform. The F train comes and I get on and sit down. I hear a voice next to me: Ever get the feeling you’re being followed?
–Delancey Street station
Overheard by: Matt
Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Alexis
Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Jackie
Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms?
–Grand Central Station
Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it?
–125th St
Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough."
–Bar 9, 54th & 9th
Overheard by: Ladle
Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl.
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit!
–L Train
Overheard by: The City Planner
Hobo: July 31st! July 31st is the deadline, everyone! You must write your letters of apology to Bush or he’ll drop another bomb in the ocean and you can say “Good-bye” to Sri Lanka!
–17th & 8th
Overheard by: Edwin Lam
Crazy guy: Son of a bitch! Why is it so hard to find true love? Don’t look at me like that. You want quiet? Go to the library. You think I want your money? I don’t need your money! Look at all these dollar bills on my pants! If I want money, I just peel one off.
–6 train
Crazy guy: Fuck you and your stupid leg. You fucking cunt! Cunt! Cunt!
–L train
Overheard by: Jonathan Farbowitz
Drunk old Black guy: …people, we got these rhythms… rhythms that just don’t connect. I got rhythms, and you girls have got rhythms, but can we dance together? No, no…we can’t. That’s what happened when the Black man came to America, babies. Black and white, we just can’t dance, babies. But you girls should dance with me.
–13th & 6th
Crazy shirtless guy: Order in the court! Order in the court! Y’all is not guilty. Now get the hell outta here!
–Port Authority
Hobo: Does anybody on this bus have change for 36 nickels?
–M60 bus
Overheard by: Oz Skinner
Young girl: Ummm…sir, would you like some help with those directions?
Crazy dude: Yes! Thank you.
Young girl: So you have to take this train to 42nd…
Crazy dude: What I need to know is, do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back of the train, to get the shuttle?
Young girl: It doesn’t matter. You just ride this train to 42nd and you get off and look for the shuttle. It doesn’t matter which car you’re in.
Crazy dude: You see, I need to get my head fixed, and I need to know which car…
Conducter: Need some help?
Crazy dude: Yes, thank you. I need to get the shuttle at 42nd St. Do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back?
Conducter: In the middle.
Crazy dude: Thank you!
–A train
Woman #1: Ooh, the Macy’s Flower Show is out. We should go see it.
Crazy guy: Psst! Psst! Flowers? I like flowers! Where are they, where can we go see them?
Woman #2: The Macy’s Flower Show is going on right here.
Woman #1: I actually don’t think the Flower Show has started yet.
Crazy guy: Flowers? I like flowers!
Woman #2: It hasn’t started yet but it will be at Macy’s.
Crazy guy: I’ll go in this entrance to see the flowers.
Woman #2: But I don’t think it started yet.
Crazy guy: What entrance are you going in to see the flowers? I like flowers.
Woman 2: I don’t think the Flower Show has started yet.
Crazy guy: Oh. Well I’m gonna go see them cause I like flowers.
–33rd & Broadway
