Wednesday Feel Trapped in a One-Liner's Body

Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!

–Port Authority Bus Station

Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?

–N Train

Overheard by: Tater

Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center

Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?

–31st b/w 9th &10th

Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Compliments, Cops, Crazies, Family Ties, Film, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Punch, Sexuality, Suits, Threats, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

No Matter What My Gymnastics Coach Says

Conductor: If you see something, say something.
Crazy fat lady reading book: Mind your own business, don't say anything. (a few minutes later) I don't wanna be no Asian, I don't wanna be the size of no Asian.

–Downtown A train

Posted on April 4, 2009
Conductors, Crazies, Crazy, Fat People, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Race, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Why Mr. Peanut's Family Stopped Having Reunions

Nutsy guy #1: I'm nuttier than you are!
Nutsy guy #2: No!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on April 4, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Guys, On the Subway

What James Caviezel's Been Up to Lately

Tall long-haired, bearded man getting on bus through rear doors: Jesus on the bus!
(ten minutes later, as he gets off bus) Jesus walking!

–125th St, Harlem

Overheard by: Jonesy

Posted on April 2, 2009
Christians, Crazies, Crazy, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jesus, On the Bus, Public Transportation

…Conspiring to Bring About Their Own Destruction

Crazy old black dude: I never heard of a white Taliban CIA.
Crazy young black dude: Yeah?
Crazy old black dude: Yeah. But now you know they out there.

–J Train

Overheard by: *c

Posted on March 22, 2009
Black People, Crazies, Government, Guys, On the Subway, Race, Terrorism, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pelving Thrusting in Your Direction

Woman to friend: I woke up, and he was fucking my ear! Fucking my ear! Fuck. Ing. My. Ear!

–Walker & Canal

Overheard by: office peon

Girl on cell: So yeah, he just kinda turned to her, handed her some napkins and told her to prepare herself for a good fingering.

–New Jersey Transit

Girl in school hallway: Nasty little tenth graders having sex in the stairwells…

–Bard High School Early College

Guy to another: There's only three things people need in this world. Sex. Food. (pause) Yeah, okay, that's it.

–125th & Lexington

Student #1: (makes elaborate point with with ample hand gesticulation)
Student #2: Oh wow. You just made love to me with words.

–113th & Broadway

Crazy lady: Santa ain't comin' to Brooklyn! And I'll be drunk tomorrow, don't you ring my bell! (gets off train and leaves bag. 20-something guy gives it to her) Have we had sex before!? We should have sex! I like you! (doors start closing) We should really have sex!

–C Train

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chinatown, College, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Ew, Jersey, Food, Foreplay, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, School and studying, Sex, Street, Students, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

It'll Break Your Heart and Steal Your Friends

Crazy man, about dog: How old is she?
Dog owner: Five.
Crazy man: Doing better than I am! (wagging finger to dog) Stay away from curried chicken!

–East River Promenade

Posted on March 2, 2009
Age/Aging, Crazies, Food, Man's Best Friend, Men, Upper East Side

Every One-Liner Has Its Wednesday

Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!

–22nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Tigertail

Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that's looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don't eat it!

–14th St & University Place

Overheard by: Bee

Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow!

–Union Square

Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it's there doesn't mean you can pee on it. That's a nice bike!

–9th St & 50th St

Overheard by: EmGusk

Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety!

–St. Mark's & Ave A

Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism