Woman: Your brother’s an actor? That’s so nice.
Man: Yeah, he’s really good. It’s a great play.
Woman: What’s the role?
Man: He plays this gay man who faces his own death.
Woman: Awww…
Man: But, I mean, he’s no faggot or anything. My brother’s just a really good actor.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd Avenue
Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Cuny Graduate
Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Overheard by: Squiggs
Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.
–L Train
Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.
–E Train
Overheard by: Liz Beaux
Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!
–125th St. Subway platform
Overheard by: EthanK
Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.
–N Train
Overheard by: john
Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.
–73rd & 2nd
Overheard by: melissa
Frustrated stylist on computer: How do you spell "Google"?
–Dramatics Hair Salon
Hot Asian woman: She hasn't even posted her face on Facebook!
–88th & 2nd
Overheard by: Sam H.
Teen to friend: My mom still hasn't Facebooked me back about taking care of my dog.
–Bedford Ave
Overheard by: kayt
Sorority girl: Like…oh my god. We should write about ourselves on Juicy Campus and see what other people say.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: Angela
Middle-aged janitor: You've got to try that internet! It has everything!
–MoMA
Overheard by: Cristina
Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Never had it
Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.
–Atlantic & Smith
Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?
–Q Train
Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!
–Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny
Girl: So I’m finally going to tell that guy that I like him.
Father: What guy?
Girl: That really hot dude that took me to the prom.
Father: Oh, ok, good.
Girl: But it’s going to be really weird cuz this guy could have any woman he wants.
Father: Just hit him over the head, drag him in the house and don’t let him leave.
–A train
Overheard by: cave man style
Older woman: Mice grow up to be rats. I have mice.
Older guy: No, they don't!
Older woman: Yes they do, mice grow up to be rats.
Older guy: No, they don't! They're different species. They're cousins.
Older woman: No, they aren't!
Older guy: Yes, they are–they're cousins, like rabbits and squirrels.
Older woman: No–mice grow up to be rats!
Older guy: No, they don't! There are even different species of rats. German rats,
Norwegian rats…
Older woman: Okay, let's change the subject–I hate rats.
Older guy: Do you know pigeons have strokes?
Older woman: What?
Older guy: Pigeons have strokes. They don't last long, but they do.
Older woman: Uh…okay.
Older guy: Pigeons learn to fly when they're five weeks old.
–A Train
JAP: Oh my god, I totally have to go to my cousin's birthday in a week. Like she is such a bitch!
Follower: I hate her because you hate her.
JAP: What? I don't hate her, she is just a little bitch.
Follower: Like, what's the difference?
JAP, walking away: The difference is you are no longer my friend and luckily you are sooo replaceable.
Follower, running behind: I'm sooo sorry! Please don't do this!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Disgruntled woman #1: It's not that he kissed my cousin…
Disgruntled woman #2: Right.
Disgruntled woman #1: And it's not that he can't feel emotions…
Disgruntled woman #2: Most guys can't!
Disgruntled woman #1: It's that he drinks Bacardi-151!
Disgruntled woman #2: I'm sayin'!
–The Courtyard Marriot, Times Square
Dude #1: Yeah, Joe has no shame.
Dude #2: Yeah, he really doesn’t… He slept with his first cousin.
Dude #1: Really? How’d that happen?
Dude #2: He just had a crush on her, like, his entire life.
Dude #1: Whoa, I didn’t know that… Wow, that’s, like, kinda nasty. But that kind of shit happens. Chris slept with his cousin… But he at least got paid for it.
–6 train
Overheard by: Michelle
Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.
–Rite Aid, The Bronx
Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood… Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!
–St. Mark's Place
Russian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.
–Q Train, Kings Highway
Overheard by: Robert
Dude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.
–Martin Luther King High School
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.
–Park Slope
Female suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.
–Washington Square Park
Woman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.
–1st & 72nd
Overheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least
