Gays and Lesbians

…According to the Daily Scramble in The Crackpot Times

African-American preacher: Everybody singing about Obama. Obaaaaammma. Obaaaaaaama. Obama ain't black, learn the truth, Obama is Al-Qaeda. Obama is Muslim. You know how Obama got them black man lips from smoking them Marlboro cigarettes.
Traditionally-dressed African-American man: You don't know what you're talking about, motherfucker. You were brainwashed by the white man.
African-American preacher: That's racist! The bible doesn't see in black and white. Obama's a homo! Obama's a baby killer!

–2 Train

Money Can't Buy Me Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: And then she said "dammit, I'm in love with a 52-year-old gay man," and I was like "well, who isn't?"

–Astoria

Overheard by: AnotherFagHag

Man on cell: So I told her, "I missed you more than I loved you," but I didn't mean it in a bad way.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Overheard by: memzilla

Black student to black girl sitting next to him: See that's why niggas don't tell bitches they love 'em!

–St. John's University

Overheard by: naha

Thug on cell: No, no. I love your whole ass as issss.

–Broadway & Beaver

Girl to group of friends: Right, I'm so incapable of love because I think sex is gross!

–LIRR

Hot 20-something to another: Either he acts like he doesn't know me, or he is a total asshole. No wonder I'm in love with him.

–Union Square

Wednesday Conga Liners

Young gay: It's gay upon gay in that establishment, but not one person's dancing!

–Boiler Room, E 4th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: That's because it's the Boiler Room

Mother to five-year-old son looking at Rockettes signage: Well, for one thing, you have to be a girl. And you also have to really long legs.

–Outside Radio City Music Hall

Overheard by: Bryan

Girl: Woah, there's no one in the dance studio. That's so ironic!

–Beacon School

20-something girl: Well, the way he was dancing, I couldn't not take his wallet!

–1st Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: rachel

Reform Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy on cell: Broadway is all gays and Jews and frankly I am sick of it.

–47th St & 8th

Jewish son: I did not call the rabbi to have him check up on you!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: NosyMormon

Suit on cell: Oh yes, I know all about you. You do crazy things. You eat rice on Pesach.

–Fancy Restaraunt, 79th St

Hobo: I bet if I put up a sign that said "hungry Jew," I'd be getting a ton of money thrown at me.

–98th St & Broadway

Old Jewish woman, exiting store with young woman: I know it's silly, but it was German. They killed six million Jews in Germany. I don't like to buy things that were made in Germany.

–Queens

20-something girl to friend: That Jew laid the spank on her!

–30th Ave, Astoria

AC/DC: Nuh-Uh!

White-haired lady #1: She's gay. Didn't you hear her say, “I can tell by the look on your face you're gay”?
Friends: What?
White-haired lady #1: You know, gay! AC/DC. She goes both ways. She's gay.
White-haired lady #2: No. (pause) She said “I can tell by the look on your face you're a virgin.”

–Broadway Show

Overheard by: drewbear

I'll Take That As a Compliment.

Incredibly loud old black woman with cane, addressing two teenage boys with ponytails: Hey! You both got long hair! Are you faggots?
Boys, laughing: Nah, nah.
Loud black woman: You like dick?
Boy #1: Nah, we good.
Loud black woman: So you like pussy?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: Yeah, we like pussy.
Random eavesdropping guy: I like pussy!
Loud black woman to boy #1: You a handsome motherfucker. You sure you don't like dick?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Loud black woman: Good. If you was a faggot I'd stick my cane up your ass.

–Uptown 1 Train

The Village Is Utterly Devoid Of Them

Teenage delinquent #1: We shoulda gone to the pier. There's gay people at the pier.
Teenage delinquent #2: There's gay people at the pier?! Shit! I wanna see some gay people.

–Washington Square Park

Duly Noted

Large black guy: ' Scuse me, do you know David Jensen?
Attractive gay guy: Nope, sorry.
Large black guy: Oh, man, cuz you look just like him, have you ever been on tv? Friends?
Attractive gay guy: Nope.
Large black guy: What about Baywatch?
Attractive gay guy: Nope, sorry, pretty sure the last episode of Baywatch aired when I was eleven.
Large black guy: You must get all sorts of shorties, right?
Attractive gay guy: Ha! Well, maybe if I wasn't gay.
Large black guy: Oh, man! I'm gonna have David text you, look out for his number.
Attractive gay guy: Uhhh, sure thing.
Large black guy, one stop later, as they're both getting off the train: Yo, just so you know, ain't nothing like pussy.

–7 Train

Hey, There's Nothing Gay About a Plate Job

Big guy #1: Naw, man I'm straight as a plate!
Big guy #2: A bumpy plate!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Taylor

That Penis Patten Is for Style

Guido #1: Ughh! Remember that gay guy who hit on me yesterday? In front of all my friends?
Guido #2: Yeah, but you were wearing that vest. That vest makes you look gay, you know…
Guido #1, indignantly: Noooooo it doesnnn'ttt!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

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