Wednesday Has His Cake and Eats One-Liners, Too

Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like.

–L Train

Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual.

–69th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ana

Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much.

–Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Modern Guilt

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Even Oprah's Tried Wednesday One-Liners

Guy sitting at bar: I live in the ghetto. And there's a lot of crackheads. But I'm not attracted to them.

–Mojito Loco, Brooklyn

Crackhead to gay boy: Yo, gay boy! When a crackhead asks you a question you answer!

–110th St Station

Guy to friend: The only reason I quit cigarettes was because crack ended up being cheaper.

–NYU Bobst Library

Girl on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't buy that crack then. (pause) Oh.

–Columbia University College Walk

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Library, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Smoking, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And He Loved My Hugh-Grant-With-Parkinson's Impression

Bartender to drunken gay Brit: I'm sorry, sir, I can't serve you anymore. You've been chasing guys around the bar.
Drunken gay Brit: What? No, I haven't! It was just the one!

–Bar, Chelsea

Overheard by: No one's chasing ME.

Posted on April 25, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Brits, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Pick-up Lines, Queer guys, Weirdness

The Homogenization of Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.

–Union Square

Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message

Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia

Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.

–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber

20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: spf

Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?

–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: onelinerwonder

Posted on April 22, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Ethnic Food, Fag Hags, Fears, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Height, Insults, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Penis, Pictures, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Shoes, Shopping, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Isn't That the L Train?

Conductor, over PA: We are having signal problems, so the e train is running every ten minutes, and very packed.
Hobo, yelling: Packed full of lesbians!

–E Train

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on April 20, 2009
Conductors, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Weirdness

Also Gives Handjobs With His Pinky Extended

Gay man to boyfriend crossing street: Hurry up!
Boyfriend: I am running elegantly!
Passerby to friend: Look at that guy! He takes such long strides! He runs like a gazelle!

–24th & 5th

Overheard by: amused

Posted on April 19, 2009
Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Queer guys, Strangers

With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner

Middle aged black woman on cell: Does your mother know we're married yet?

–Forever 21, Union Square

Overheard by: Sophie

2nd grader: See! This is what happens when a man marries another man! They get divorced!

–22nd & Lexington

Angry man to woman: They just had to get fucking married two days before fucking Christmas!

–Century 21

Overheard by: Amina

Dejected guy, slumping on stairs: Will you marry me?

–11th St & b/w University Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Guy on phone: She already said yes, so I don't have to get her a ring, right? (pause) Well, why do I have to get her a ring if she already said yes?

–18th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jessica Bergin

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Breaking Up, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Feel Trapped in a One-Liner's Body

Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!

–Port Authority Bus Station

Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?

–N Train

Overheard by: Tater

Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center

Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?

–31st b/w 9th &10th

Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Compliments, Cops, Crazies, Family Ties, Film, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Punch, Sexuality, Suits, Threats, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Angel Wings Are for Religious Purposes

Drunk gay college student, seeing drag queens crossing the street: Yay! Halloween! I love Halloween!
Drunk college friend: Oh my god! I love your costumes!
Drag queen, angrily: It ain't Halloween, bitch! This is every day!

–18th & 8th

Posted on April 9, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drag queens, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Sexuality, Street, Trannies

Wednesdays Could Use Their One-Liners As Walking Sticks

Man on cell: Well, at least my dick will finally seem bigger!

–Prince St. & W Broadway

Overheard by: Johnny

Puerto Rican lady on phone to pal: Yo, his dick was mad little, yo! My son's dick is bigger than that!

–Broadway & Havemeyer, Brooklyn

Teen on cell: And you have a small penis. And you're gay.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: And I Thought My Day Wasn't Going Well

Black gay guy on cell: I feel so sorry for guys with small penises. Here I am, with a 12 inch dick and I don't even use it.

–Penn Station

Man on cell: You're dumping me because my dick is 11 inches and it's too big? That doesn't make any sense!

–Lorimer & Maujer

Overheard by: was this a lame attempt to hit on me?

Petite yuppie on phone: Oh my god! It was so small I tried so hard not to laugh! But then I decided to boost his spirit and I said to him, "is it because it's cold in here?" (pause) Yeah, you're right, that couldn't have possibly boosted anything at all. Dinner was good, though.

–N Train

Overheard by: Mefisto

Posted on April 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Gays and Lesbians, Height, Laughter, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Penn Station, Puerto Ricans, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Train Station, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Yuppies

Gays and Lesbians