Wednesday One-Liners: Now in Color!

Asian schoolgirl to friend: So he says "you're a racist," and I'm like, "I can't be a racist, I'm a race!"

–Ridgewood, Queens

Overheard by: Squidocto

Fair-skinned Italian Long Island woman: So they both took a paper bag test, and passed.

–Barnes & Noble Cafe

Overheard by: a.j.w.

Yuppie Indian woman: In *my* culture, I'm not black.

–Flatbush Ave

Overheard by: mojbe

Ridiculously loud girl employee: Bobby! What's your ethnicity?

–NYU

Overheard by: …not the only shocked observer

Eight-year old black kid to 20-something babysitter, about younger brother: He likes black girls, but I like white girls!

–Outside Delancey Station

Posted on September 27, 2014
Asians, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, India Indians, Italians, Kids, KKK, Lower East Side, NYU, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Yuppies

This Medal Smells Funny

Guy: What flavor should I get?
Drunk girl: I’d get butter pecan but I’m lactose intolerant and it’d make me shit like a champ.

–Bodega, Houston & 6th

Posted on September 27, 2014
Advice, Bodegas, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, People, Places, Poop, Soho, Topics, Venues

Whereas Alanis Morissette Really Likes Me.

Guy: I went out with this girl recently, she was nice. I'm gonna see if she calls.
Girl: What? You're not gonna call her?
Guy: I think it takes some effort on her part, she should text or call and say thank you.
Girl: I usually do it the night of the date, saying thank you.
Guy: I think that's a sign that she doesn't like me.
Girl: I don't think so.

–LIRR

Posted on September 27, 2014
Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Long Island, Questions, Relationships

Uh-Oh, All My Secrets Are Falling Out

Drunk teenage girl, yelling: Just so all of you guys know, I am underage! (long pause, then to friend) Shit, I just told them we are underage! (long pause, then to woman) Hey, you! I love your hair!

–Q Train

Posted on September 27, 2014
Body Parts, Compliments, Drunks, Girls, Offers and requests, Promiscuity, Teens, Trains Not Subway

I’ll Have You Know I’m Drunk with Power

Drunk chick: Why am I so drunk?!
Cabbie: Because you drink a lot!

–10th Ave

Overheard by: i don’t drink a lot

Posted on September 27, 2014
Cabbies, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Manhattan, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners: Great for Bachelor Parties!

16-year-old girl on cell: So like, for Halloween my mom told me about this strip club we could go to…

–110th & Central Park West

Overheard by: sophie Balis-Harris

Drunk stumbling Yankee meathead to fellow meatheads: Yo! Let's get some fucking strippers! I don't give a fuck about my girlfriend! (pauses and looks around) If I drop any more beer on this woman… (spills half his cup on her back) Ah, fuck.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: seat 12 section 23

20-something woman on cell: What, you had sex with that stripper?!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Liz

Drunk suit: Yeah…we did it up fo' my son's 18th birfday. He be graduatin and all this year, so we sprung fo' a stripper.

–Q67 Bus

Overheard by: Kate

Teen screaming into cell: Stripper. (pause) No, stripper!

–Little Italy

Posted on September 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Infidelity, Insults, Little Italy, Meatheads, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Strippers, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

Not a Good Reason to Drop Out, but the Best I’ve Heard Yet

Metal chick: Why is it that everyone who goes away to college loves Dave Matthews Band or O.A.R.?
Friend: I don’t know, but they both suck.
Metal chick: That’s why I left school. I fucking hate Dave Matthews Band.

–Downtown 1 train

Posted on September 26, 2014
College, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Music, On the Subway, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity

That, and They Never Go to the Gym

Girl, in line for Circle Line: Oh my god! The squirrels here are so fat! Fatter than the ones back home!
Guy in line: Kick it!
Girl: The pigeons are fat, too!
Guy in line: Kick it!
Girl: I don't want anymore of this pretzel. Here, pigeon…
Stranger girl, annoyed: That's why the pigeons are so fat here!

–Battery Park

Posted on September 26, 2014
Animals & Nature, Battery Park, Birds, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Strangers

I Miss My Old Boss

Girl#1: And he was all like, “Boo hoo, I wish you were here to take care of me. Come snuggle.”
Girl#2: Aww! That’s sweet.
Girl#1: Ew! No it’s not! [after rolling eyes and taking sip of coffee] that’s what his fucking wife is for…
Girl#2: I… Do you hear yourself?
Girl#1: Fuck you!

–NYU

Posted on September 25, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Marriage, NYU, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

Not Done Saying Goodbye to The Gates

Old woman: Well, they really aren’t that bad.
Old man: Yeah right!

–The Gates

Overheard by: meg

Guy: It cost them like $23 million to put up. I would have liked it more if they paid half as much.
Girl: I would have liked it more if it was a different color. It was described as saffron. It’s not. It’s orange.

–The Gates

Overheard by: bluesdog

Posted on September 25, 2014
Arts & Letters, Central Park, Girls, Guys, Old People

Girls

Whereas Alanis Morissette Really Likes Me.