FCC Finally Regulates Overheard

Man walking against traffic: Beep! Beep! Beep!
Older black woman: Beep beep, my behind!

–6 Train

Runners-Up:
· “At Long Last, Someone Correctly Answers David’s Mating Call” – cultural anthropologist
· “Discovered: Where Beyonce Gets Her Lyrics From” – Joel Moore
· “Is That an Insult or an Invitation?” – alan b hutscar
· “Now, If This Had Been on HBO, the Beeps Would Have Been Words…” – beep!
· “Will.i.am, Writing In Notepad: “Genius!”” – James
· “Yeah, Our Line Of Novelty Horns Is Doing Quite Well” – mk

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 23, 2009
Black People, Comebacks, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Weirdness, Women

He Used to Play for the Knicks, Right?

Little boy, pointing at Obama poster: Look, mommy it's Will Smith!
Mother: No, honey, that's not Will Smith. That's…uhmmmm… (to husband) What the fuck was his name again?

–Columbia University

Posted on February 21, 2009
About Celebrities, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Dads, Insults, Kids, Moms, Names, President, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Real

Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.

–LaGuardia Arts

Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!

–LIRR

Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!

–St. Mark's Place

Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"

–13th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: kdub

Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!

–42nd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Couldn't agree more

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, College, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I'd Love To, Baby, but My Wednesday One-Liner Won't Let Me Date

Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.

–F Train

Overheard by: penelope

Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.

–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt

Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.

–A Train

Overheard by: Suzi

Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"

–Grand Concourse

Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!

–Radio City Music Hall

Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amina

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compliments, Conductors, Cops, Food, Friends, Infidelity, Insults, Laundromat, Love, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sex, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Theater, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

After Calling “No Homo,” Though

Geeky 30-something Asian man: He keep telling me “Fuck me! Fuck me!” so I tell him “Fuck you!” and I fuck him!
Mother: (not paying attention).
Geeky 30-something Asian man: I am a man! I put my dick in him for five minutes.
Mother: (not paying attention).

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Malta Paul

Posted on February 17, 2009
Asians, Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Men, Moms, Penis, Starbucks, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

And the One Written in Pictographs Took Up an Entire Subway Car

Girl on A train: Why are all the signs advertising English language courses written in English?
Brother in a white hat: So people can read it, stupid!

–A Train

Overheard by: Closely Watching on the A Train

Posted on February 13, 2009
Brothers, Girls, Insults, Language Barrier, Languages, On the Subway, Questions

It's Even Funnier When You Know the Hobo Talks Like Mr. T

20-year old, passing a hobo: Dude, you smell.
Hobo: Fuck you, hipster!
20-year old: I'm not a hips…
Hobo, cutting him off: Where's your hat?
20-year old: I don't own a h…
Hobo, cutting him off: Fuck you and your hat!

–2nd Ave, East Village

Posted on February 13, 2009
Clothing, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Only in New York, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village

“…Now Just Say Thank You and Raise My Babies”

Thug #1: Yo, two girls was fightin' over me 'cause I fucked them both!
Thug #2 (pumping fist in the air): Yeeaahhhh! I seen it!
Thugette: I'd be like, “bitches, it's not like I fucked you at the same time or nothin'!”

–40th & 5th

Overheard by: She has a point

Posted on February 12, 2009
Fighting and ass kicking, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Promiscuity, Sex, Thugs

Wednesday One-Liners Make Digital Records Of Their Humiliation

Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Alice

Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!

–44th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: would never buy that shit

NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!

–8th & Broadway

Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)

–Union Square

Overheard by: Glad I had a map

Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.

–51 & Lexington

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Directions, Families, Friends, Girls, Insults, Knock-Offs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Only in New York, Punks, Smegma, Stoners, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

She Pays Hobos by the Hour, to Reinforce Her Dicta

Conductor: Next stop, 81st Street, Museum of Natural History.
Mom to young son: Okay, sweetie, this is our stop for the museum.
Six-year-old boy: But mom, I wanna go to Central Park instead!
Hobo: Listen to your mother, boy! Go the museum. Git yerself some edjumicate… Edjcation…go learn something!
Six-year-old boy: Mommy, what did he say?
Mom: He said, “don't be fucking stupid.” Let's go.

–C Train

Overheard by: Davis Baker

Posted on February 9, 2009
Conductors, Directions, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness, Words

Insults