Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Subway Sandwiches

Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?

–Subway Platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: Poogtastic

Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!

–Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.

–Crowded Uptown 1 Train

MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Krisztina

Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Overheard by: Katrink

Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!

–6 Train

Posted on November 25, 2018
Girls, Grand Central, Home, Sweet Home, Idiots, Insults, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stoners, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

“Creative” Is a Euphemism for “Ignorant”

Overly talkative man, after seeing “transparent monument” exhibit: I saw a white cloud and a gray cloud but I didn't see no black cloud…If I was Native American I would see a red cloud!
Man's Asian girlfriend: Or a purple one!
Overly talkative man: What?!

–Elevator, The Met

Overheard by: liselle boyette

Posted on November 19, 2018
Asians, Colors, Elevators, Girlfriends, Men, Race, The Met, Visual Art

Sure, Lisa, Some Magical Wednesday One-Liner….

Dude with chick to group of smokers outside bar: We are going to eat pork chops and fuck.

–Bleecker and Crosby

Gay male on cell: …Do you really think I would try his sausage balls?

–53rd St & 8th Ave

Budget Vin Diesel: I love bacon. If I could, I would put bacon in my cereal.

–Sunburnt Cow, Avenue C

Overheard by: LeahPia77

Hispanic deli worker: Es muy barato, como la carne de gato.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Anna Pilar

Black man, to Jewish friend: You’re not Jewish. You had bacon at your baby’s naming ceremony. Thickest, juiciest most delicious bacon I ever ate in my life. You named your kid Samuel and you had bacon. Delicious, delicious bacon.

–A Train

Man on cell phone: The sausages! I mean, I don’t feel bad for the hot dogs. But, the sausages?!

–41st and 7th

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on October 18, 2018
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Black People, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Guys, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Languages, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

This Secret Art Is Passed from Father to Son

(scary looking man scratching balls waiting to cross the street with a four-year-old in one hand. Little boy copies his daddy in scratching his balls)
Little boy: Ouch! It hurts!
Scary man: That's cause you're not doing it right.

–E.16th St, Brooklyn

Posted on October 5, 2018
Balls, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Kids, Men, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

She Sells Him the Weed and Beer

Man: I think going to the gym really helps me get rid of stress.
Woman: And smoking pot. And the drinking.
Man: Yeah, well… Oh, and you — you’re at the top of the list.

–7th Avene, Park Slope

Posted on September 8, 2018
Drinking & Drunk People, Health and Hygiene, Men, Park Slope, Weed, White People

Wednesdays Don’t Kill People; One-Liners Kill People

Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place.

–Union Ave

Overheard by: Seth Callaway

Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms?

–Turkish Restaurant, Montague St.

Overheard by: Mike N

Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet.

–L train

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?!

–41st & 3rd

Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.]

–Starbucks

Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you!

–NYU Waverly Building

Posted on September 2, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Default, Frat Boys, Girls, Global Geography, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Names, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Starbucks, Stupidity, Suits, Thanks, Long Island! (Male JAPs), Thievery, Threats, War, Weapons, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Why Jerry Springer Is a Millionaire.

Drunk crazy woman (slurring words): Yeah? Well, fuck you!
Drunk crazy dude: Yeah! Well, you haven't given me a boner in four years!
Random passerby: Oh, damn!

–Bedford Ave & 11th

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Posted on August 21, 2018
Brooklyn, Crazies, Default, Drunks, Erections, Etiquette, Insults, Men, Strangers, Weirdness, Women

And Wednesday Said, “Let There Be One-Liners.”

Guy on cell: Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Can you hear me? Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?

–Bus

Overheard by: Is God trying to tell you something?

Intense man, grasping woman's shoulders: God wanted me to, and I was ready to.

–Near Riverside Church, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: I wish I knew more

Guy, in awed tones, hearing "Le nozze di Figaro" through open window: It's like the voice of God…

–The Bronx

Overheard by: ground floor music lover

Crazy man: There is only one God. There is only one real deal. I can't afford sex anymore.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: That took a turn

Posted on August 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, God, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Penn Station, Sex, Singing, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?

–Broadway & Houston

Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?

–NYU Silver Center

Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Seth

Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.

–Metropolitan Museum Lobby

Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.

–Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Posted on August 11, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Clerks, Crazies, Crazy, Dads, Education, Girls, Men, More museums, Music, NYU, Old People, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Met, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Visual Art, Washington Square Park

Men