Woman: It's so nice to be retired…
Man: “Retarded?”
Woman: That, too.
–28th & 5th
Overheard by: EHL
Woman: It's so nice to be retired…
Man: “Retarded?”
Woman: That, too.
–28th & 5th
Overheard by: EHL
White teenage girl to friends: I have two Asian cousins.
Friend: Why?
White teenage girl: Because Asians like Italian pussy, that's why.
–22nd St & Lexington Ave
Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?
–14th St
Overheard by: Argopelter
Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.
–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!
–Financial District
Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!
–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: oh really?
Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Meagan O.
Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!
–University Place & 10th St
Overheard by: queenofscots
Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.
–Gramercy
Overheard by: Max
Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: snow. trust me.
Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: queenofscots
Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!
–W 4th St
Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!
–140th St & Amsterdam
Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?
–48th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jnaz
Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!
–The Water Club, 30th & FDR
Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date
Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.
–F Train
Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!
Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.
–L Train
Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!
–Union Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Casey
Gay man to boyfriend crossing street: Hurry up!
Boyfriend: I am running elegantly!
Passerby to friend: Look at that guy! He takes such long strides! He runs like a gazelle!
–24th & 5th
Overheard by: amused
Middle aged black woman on cell: Does your mother know we're married yet?
–Forever 21, Union Square
Overheard by: Sophie
2nd grader: See! This is what happens when a man marries another man! They get divorced!
–22nd & Lexington
Angry man to woman: They just had to get fucking married two days before fucking Christmas!
–Century 21
Overheard by: Amina
Dejected guy, slumping on stairs: Will you marry me?
–11th St & b/w University Place & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex Bailey
Guy on phone: She already said yes, so I don't have to get her a ring, right? (pause) Well, why do I have to get her a ring if she already said yes?
–18th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jessica Bergin
Middle aged man: So all you gotta do is pick up a gray squirrel holding an acorn, squeeze his belly, and hear him make real squirrel chatter.
–92nd & Lexington
Latina girl on cell: Chill the fuck out! Groundhog Day isn't till like June or some shit!
–PETCO, Union Square
Overheard by: Max
Girl: I tried a lot of things before I started kicking small animals.
–15th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rijita
20-something guy to another: They cost a lot but they live forever. If you get a group of like 20 elephants, you're invincible.
–1 Train
Female student: But how else would you transport the elephant?
–34th St b/w Park & Madison Ave
Eight-year-old boy, running hellbent through playground, to friend: I could tell you about Archelon, the largest evolved turtle, but there isn't time.
–Riverdale
Overheard by: Someone else's mom
Guy on cell: It was kind of like sexually penetrating cows…
–E 55th St
Overheard by: TiffanyLyn
Jappy girl #1: Ewww, I can't believe I had sex with him Saturday night.
Jappy girl #2: Was it good?
Jappy girl #1: I don't know, it was only for like 20 seconds.
–3rd Ave & 34th St
Black lesbian hipster: Don't, like, kiss me or look into my eyes…just fuck me and then buy me lunch.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Helena the Great
Little boy to sister, watching couple kissing and hugging: Ewwwwww! He kissed her!
–3rd Ave & 34th St
Overheard by: Valley
Guy on cell: So then if she has herpes, should I not kiss her?
–PATH Train
Woman to toddler: Yes, it's good. It's very good. Kissing and hugging are good.
–Eldridge St, Chinatown
Overheard by: wheelerface
Dad, to teenage son: Hey, Karen kissed me. And it was real.
–E 20th St
Overheard by: Angela
250-pound male Metro worker, singing gruffly: I kissed a girl and I liked it!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Chis K
