Yuppie guy: God, I can't even finish this. I feel completely bloated, like some chick. Disgusting.
Hipster guy: You feel like a chick?
Yuppie guy: Yeah…you know, like all girls get once a month: Bitchy, bloated, and popping those pills.
Hipster guy: You mean, like, the abortion pill?
–Pizza Shop, E 34th & 1st St
Irritating teen brother: Fine, then I'll just call up all your friends and tell them what a loser you are!
Nerdy older sister: Yeah, well, the joke's on you, cause I don't have any friends!
–Greeley Square
Overheard by: C. Milano
Puerto Rican guy to another: Out of all the continents, Staten Island is the craziest.
–Spring St b/w Mott & Elizabeth
Overheard by: Jack D
Girl to guy: I can't wait to be a Staten Islander.
–28th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jennifer
Suit on cell: I take the Staten Island ferry because it's like a free cruise.
–60th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Mike
Ferry announcer: Please follow the signs posted for your assistance, and please see uniformed crew men in case of emergency. Thank you for riding the Staten Island ferry. Have a nice life!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Steven
Professor: So is anyone here from Staten Island? (no reply) Good!
–NYU
Man on cell: She said I had to pay, so I shat in her mouth and left.
–34th & 5th
Three-year-old boy, looking overjoyed: I have to go poop!
–Store, 18th & Union Square West
Overheard by: i had to go, too!
Woman getting on train, giggling: I got a question…is there a pile of feces on this train?
–A Train
Elderly man on phone: Yesterday I coughed and shat my pants.
–3rd Ave & Fordham
Four-year-old boy, dancing: I like to move it, move it! I like to poop it, poop it!
–E 69th St McDonald's
Overheard by: Leslie
Brunette on cell: And then I told her, "hey hey, I'm not the fecal freak here. Don't go throwing poo at me." I mean really, I don't even like my own poo. I'm supposed to like hers?
–Williamsburg
Truck driver: Diabetes is a hard disease to live with.
Middle aged black lady: I'm telling you, it's awful! All people with diabetes have HIV.
–25th St b/w Madison & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: TeeHee
Tourist #1: Manhattan!
Tourist #2: Manhattan!
Tourist #1: Manhattan!!
Tourist #2: Manhattan!!!
Tourist #1: Manhattan!!!!
Random New Yorker: Manhattan!!!!!!!!
–38th & 5th
Overheard by: where brooklyn at?
Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: EthanK
Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks.
–The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx
Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile
Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad!
–Columbia Law School
Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples!
–23rd b/w 4th & 5th
Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes.
–Restaurant, Columbus Ave
Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right?
–Stuyvesant High School
Suit: It's at the point now it doesn't matter too much if my wife gets mad, it's the nanny I can't upset. (other men laugh and agree)
–Uptown A Train
Female employee: I do not want to go to anger management for a third time.
–115th & 5th
Overheard by: Tara
Girl to guy: You seem like the kind of person that would be mad if they got shot.
–Wildwood, Park Ave & 18th St
Overheard by: Sean
Mom to three-year-old son: You mad? You mad? Well, you know what "mad" is spelled backwards, right? "D-a-m." Ain't nothin' you can do about that.
–St. Nicholas Ave & 127th St
Overheard by: stella ho
Thug: She's just mad 'cause she's Mexican.
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Wendla B.
Hostess running out of restaurant: Angry couple who just left the bar! You forgot your credit card!
–The Village
Overheard by: DW
Dude with headphones on: How the fuck did Britney Spears get on my iPod?
–13th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Alice
Bus driver: Next stop, 47th Street. And to the asshole who has his iPod on too loud, turn it down or I'll throw you the fuck off.
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Turned mine off immediately
White girl: It was like Hanukkah on my iPod yesterday! It said there was no battery left but it lasted for two hours!
–Bayside, Queens
Overheard by: Alexandra
Dad to girl: If you can just get over being a pissy girl, you get a free iPod Touch.
–23rd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jill Twiss
Really stoned girl, looking at iTunes latest releases: iFart mobile? Do they really have that for sale? iPhone can fart now? (pause) Is there anything an Apple device can't do?
–Bayside, Queens
Man playing electric guitar on subway: I take Mexican money, I take umbrellas. I take whatever you got. I have three kids at home who need iPods.
–2 Train
Overheard by: res
Woman: In Central Park right now, the Mormons are in full bloom!
–Bandshell, Central Park
Overheard by: Mojosaves
Chick to boyfriend: I could really use some Viagra, maybe I can get some from my grandpa. (pause) Wait, never mind, he's Mormon.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Girl: What do the Mormons have against gay people? Is it because the gays dress better? I mean, Mormons only like to wear white shirts and black pants.
–Uptown A Train
Deliriously drunk woman: I was Mormon!
–Times Square
