Wednesdays Feel Virtuous When They Don’t Eat One‐Liners

Weird hobo: Ladies and gentleman, I am a disabled Vietnam vet. I’m asking help from all of you so I don’t wind up on the streets. While in Vietnam, I was exposed to Agent Orange, which caused me my disability – I became a vegetarian.

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: An Amused Former Vegetarian

Aging hippie to woman spouting PETA propaganda: I’ve been a vegan for 30 years. You’re embarrassing me. Why do you do that?

–F Train

Overheard by: AeC

Guy: Yo, I’m vegetarian now, I don’t eat no meat, but man I love that chicken. That chicken just keeps comin’ back to me!

–Manna’s

Overheard by: eatinginharlem

Crazy‐looking woman on bench: Oh my gosh, I was totally a vegetarian yesterday. Like literally, I ate no meat.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Meat Eater

Clueless 20‐something female: Do you have another menu? I’m a vegan.

–Brother Jimmy’s BBQ, 31^st St

Posted on January 12, 2018
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Crazies, Food, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hippies, Hobos, Nostalgia, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Vegetarian & Vegan, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Out of What, Now?

Old white husband: What are lamb chops?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for dinner all the time.
Old white husband: What are they?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for you!
Old white husband: I don’t remember, tell me what they are.
Old black wife: They’re like pork chops, but made out of lamb.

–D train

Overheard by: daniela

Posted on December 9, 2017
Age/Aging, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Nostalgia, Old People, On the Subway, Talking/Convos, White People

Wednesday Doesn’t Eat Enough to Keep a One‐Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time!

–Hostos Faculty Dining Room

Overheard by: glad she’s leaving

Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy‐based, non‐dairy substitute for heavy cream?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food

Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then…

–Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: allison

Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits.

–Upper West Side

Anorexic‐looking girl: I want a tic tac. I’m hungry.

–95^th & 2^nd

Posted on April 30, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anorexic, Brooklyn, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Diet/Weight, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Jewish Moms, Nostalgia, One-liners, Skinny People, Street, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires

They Take Your Money and Don’t Care If You Live or Die

JAP #1: It’s like, I can’t dance on the bar and dress slutty anymore. It’s just not appropriate.
JAP #2: You did it in college all the time.
JAP #1: But college is different! College is like being in Vegas…
JAP #2: Yeah, for four years!

–Columbus Circle

Posted on March 16, 2016
Comebacks, Dancing, Friends, Innuendo, JAPs, Nostalgia, School and studying, Talking/Convos, Time, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Isn’t That What Hipsters Are All About?

Teenage hipster to 40‐something man in old clothes: Woah, is that a Hands Across America shirt?
40‐something man: Yeah. Is that nostalgia for something you weren’t even alive for?

–Astoria

Overheard by: Nostaliga‐riffic

Posted on February 23, 2016
Age/Aging, Astoria, Clothing, Hipsters, Men, Nostalgia, Teens

Wednesday One‐Liners Use the Socratic Method

Columbia grad student: …developing a really spectacular
sense of intellectual arrogance.

–Columbia University

Professor, receiving text message in class: Ooh. That’s interesting. Invitation to go dancing, not from my girlfriend. Thank God I’ve got permission… We’re never going to get to anything today, are we? I’m so bad at this…

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chinese professor: You see Chinese like tofu, you never use it.

–John Jay College

Overheard by: soccerking3t

Teen guy: So I ended up in a dress. I don’t think English class will ever be the same.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Natasha

Sadistic professor: Unfortunately we don’t flog people anymore. You usually pass out after you finish screaming.

–Fordham, the Bronx

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Drunken pre‐med to drunken boy teetering on a concrete railing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doctor yet!

–West Village, 8^th & 14^th

Overheard by: annie

NYU girl to professor: So, if you’re sleeping with Nietzsche, you shouldn’t ask the question, “What are you thinking?”

–NYU classroom, Mercer & Houston

Posted on January 19, 2016
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Ethnic Food, Gripes, Insults, Kink, Music, Nostalgia, Philosophy, Questions, Sex, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

40’s of Old English?

Chick #1: I’m nostalgic for the ’40s.
Chick #2: You can’t be nostalgic for an era you never lived through.
Chick #1: Fine. Then I long for the ’40s to the very depth of my soul.
Chick #2: From your loins?
Chick #1: Yes. My loins… They long for the ’40s.

–Herald Square

Posted on December 29, 2015
Body Parts, Default, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nostalgia, Questions, Words

Your Editors Googled Up 159,000 Hits

Guy #1: There’s just no place to go dancing, you know?
Guy #2: You can’t find a dance club in New York?
Guy #1: No, it’s just not right –I really like to Lindy.
Guy #2: …
Guy #1: …
Guy #2: Dude. Where the hell do you learn to Lindy?

–34^th & Broadway

Posted on November 17, 2015
Dancing, Default, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nostalgia, Questions

Let’s Not Introduce the Spouses, Okay?

50‐year‐old man: God, I haven’t see you since we were, what, 21?
50‐year‐old woman: What was it, 1980? Somewhere around there?
50‐year‐old man: Remember that Frank Zappa concert we went to at Stonybrook in 1978?
50‐year‐old woman: Yeah, and who got you those front row seats, motherfucker? Me! I stood on line for 24 hours so I could be the first in line for tickets.
50‐year‐old man: Remember he pulled you up on stage to sing with him?
50‐year‐old woman: Sure!
50‐year‐old man: Well, I have a recording of that. I had a little tape recorder in my pocket and I taped the whole show.
50‐year‐old woman: You’re gonna make a copy of that tape, aren’t you? I gave you your very first blowjob, remember?
50‐year‐old man: Believe me, I remember it in every exquisite detail. Yeah, that’s worth a copy of a tape.

–Sardi’s

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on July 28, 2015
Friends, Nostalgia, Restaurants & Cafes, Talking/Convos

Nostalgia