5-to-7-Day Liners

Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.

–Frying Pan Bar

Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.

–NYU

Overheard by: Leslie

Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: The Trooper

Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.

–Park Ave & 29th St

Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!

–123rd St & Manhattan Ave

Posted on September 1, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Laughter, Licking, Menstruation, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.

Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: geedee

Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.

–23rd St

Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.

–4th Ave & 86th St

Overheard by: bay ridge bitch

Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wallflower

Posted on September 1, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Families, Girls, Google, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Internet, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Music, Nudity, On Cell, Penis, Pictures, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods

Not-So-Secret Agent Man

Granola guy with goatee on cell: Agent. (pause, then loudly) Agent! (surrounding pedestrians jump in surprise) Agent! (pause, then very angrily) Agent! (pause, then crosses street against light while cars dodge him) Agent!

–30th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: LK

Posted on August 19, 2010
Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, On Cell, Weirdness

Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!

–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum

Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Emily Faxon

Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!

–Macy's, 7th Ave

Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.

–10th St & University

Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.

–62nd & 3rd

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fat People, Guys, Kids, Moms, Museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Retail Therapy, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourists, Travel, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Would Shoot Jodie Foster to Impress You

Girl on cell: You have a mini what? Stalker? (pause) Do you mean "mini" like a little person? Or like only partial stalking?

–Park Ave & 77th St

Woman to friend: No wonder that guy is stalking you! You told him everywhere you were going!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sarah

Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, hold on a minute. I gotta cross the street to stalk this girl.

–Times Square

Overheard by: creeped out

Mother to daughter, indignantly: No, it's not stalking! It's called being resourceful.

–16th St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Harassment, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Street, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Boning Their Secretaries

Suit on cell: Yeah, we'll be whoring ourselves out. But that's what we do.

–53rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: I wish I got a bailout.

20-something suit: Beating a redneck at beer pong while wearing a suit is the classiest thing ever.

–79th St & Broadway

Overheard by: next victim

Suit: Ahahahaha! Haha! Ahhh. Fuck everyone.

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Suit on cell: C'mon, man, it's only 300 grand.

–45th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Kári Emil Helgason

Fat suit to hottie: Hey! I have money! (hottie walks on by) Really! I do! (she doesn't stop) Fuck it. You don't care. But I do!

–3rd Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Old suit to another, both laughing: I owe money, but not my money… other people's money!

–60th St & Lexington

Overheard by: J

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Girls, Insults, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, Prostitution, Questions, Street, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to a Building Near a Starbucks, Okay?

Girl on cell, looking up: I don't know, nigga! I'm standin' in fronna some ancient castle or some shit.

–Wall St & William St

Southern guy on cell: No, seriously, there's shade on the side of the streets here! (pause) No… No, I know. (pause) I'm sitting on a bench, outside, in the shade!

–Central Park

Locationally-challenged woman on cell: I'm on the street, kinda near Blockbuster?

–Blockbuster, Broadway & 9th

Girl on cell: I'm not sure where I am, everything is Asian.

–Bakery, Chinatown

Middle-aged woman on cell: We're in Soho, and he has a three-legged dog.

–Bowery & Spring

Overheard by: Kaze

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Central Park, Chinatown, Directions, Girls, Grocery Stores, Man's Best Friend, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Soho, Southerners, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesdays Have Defense Wounds on Their One-Liners

College girl on cell: He told me he got in a knife fight with his dad, and I was like (sarcastic) "Yeah, okay! You got in a knife fight with your dad." (pause) But he probably did get in a knife fight with his dad…

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: Trinity is the school for kids from Choate who stabbed their roommate.

–Clover Club

Overheard by: Emily

Girl to friend: I will cut you in your face with a knife before I put my hands on you. You feel me?

–E 161st St, The Bronx

Hamptons club girl: You mean I cut him with a razor blade and I don't even recognize him?

–Outside East Village Club

Overheard by: DJ

20-something girl, on cell: Oh my god! Who the hell gets stabbed in the back of the head at a flower shop?

–Starbucks

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Stab, Starbucks, The Bronx, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners

Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!

–Holiday Market, Union Square

Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!

–Gristedes, University Place

Overheard by: M

Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!

–Chavela's, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: zack g.

Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.

–1st Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Asaywhat

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Dads, Erections, Ethnic Food, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Height, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Queens, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

The Non-Standard Usage Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: There's a lot bruacracy in public social work…

–Eastern Parkway & New York Ave

Overheard by: jeff

Woman on phone: Her mother is a bird. Her whole family is a flock of birds. I cannot even say how ghetto she is. She said, "columinate." I said, what? You mean "a-coom-a-late?

–1 Train

Preppy on cell: What's your next class? Professional rioting?

–Fordham

Girl: This class is skewered. There are only three guys and like twenty girls. Damn!

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Phil

Guy to girl on train: She's just like "huh, brutha." It's like, embedded in them. They were breaded that way.

–7 Train

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Education, Family Ties, Fordham, Girls, Government, Gripes, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Politics, Preppies, Questions, School and studying, Sexuality, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

On Cell