A Little Wednesday One-Liner in a Big Pond

Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!

–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria

Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood

Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?

–28th & 7th

Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: camillo cavour

Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.

–East Village

Posted on September 24, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, BJs, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Girls, History & Geography, Homeless, Names, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Penis, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Visual Art, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: You keep talking over me–it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.

–Ray's Pizza, 52 & 8th

Overheard by: Jarett

Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as "that guy" and we'll see how long you stay conscious.

–33rd & 7th

Nervous man seated against the wall: I don't like this seat. I don't like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there's a fight? I don't want to be trapped in a place with a fight.

–Off-Broadway Theatre

Overheard by: Hannah

Ghetto chick: Can't you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?

–W Train

Overheard by: sara n.

Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…

Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?

–Chambers St

Overheard by: Shooty

Posted on September 22, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insects, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Punch, Questions, Rape, Sex, Store, Street, Theater, Threats, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Why Not Both?

NYU student: Are they tourists or are they just drunk?

–Bleeker & Thompson

Posted on September 17, 2022
Drinking & Drunk People, One-liners, Students, The Village, Tourism

Wednesday One-liners, the Morning After

Chick on cell: I just fell asleep! It’s not like I’m seeing other people.

–42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Cresny

Chick: You told me you was a celebrity! I sucked yo dick!

–Union Square

Chick: I’m no whore. I told him, the closest you’re getting to getting me from behind, you know, doggie style, is licking your own balls and humping my leg.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: stuck in great kills

Posted on September 16, 2022
BJs, Body Parts, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Staten Island Ferry, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Bill Finally Tells His Wife She Won’t Be President

Chick on cell: What did you say?…What did you say?…What did you say?…What did you say?…I can’t believe you said that. Say it again!…I haven’t spoken to you in so long and I finally fuckin’ call and that’s what you have to say?…Well fuck you, you fuckin’ bitch!

–F train

Overheard by: Tamika J.

Posted on September 2, 2022
Insults, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Talking/Convos

Someone Please Punch Her

Bitch: Oh hi! We were just speaking very poorly about you!

–Art Gallery, SoHo

Overheard by: Tibbie X

Posted on August 20, 2022
Biotechs, Insults, One-liners, Rumor Has It, Soho, Talking/Convos

Wednesday One-Liners. (Allegedly)

Snooty female 30-something to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: ianbobian

Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake-ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I'm like "you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!"

–60th St & Broadway

Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you're going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Really!?!?

Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you're done entertaining the fake Jews.

–Cafe, Church & Walker

Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I'd have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?

–Hester & Mott

Overheard by: Jensel

Posted on July 21, 2022
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fakes, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Judaism, Lies, Medicine, On Cell, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weapons, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Kinda Miss Bush's Speeches

President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?

–40th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: EScrillz

Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) "fastest." Is that a word?

–42nd St AMC Theatre

Overheard by: Steph

Man on cell: Yeah, well that's what the beasting is for!

–Penn Station

Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.

–Fordham Road

Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!

–TGI Fridays, Times Square

Overheard by: CS

Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: I guess that's English

Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, "violated."

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: Sally Tempo

Posted on July 7, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, College, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Rape, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Times Square, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday XXX-Liners

Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!

–Soho

Overheard by: Anastassia

Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.

–L Train

Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!

–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…

–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.

–William & Cedar

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on June 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Porn, Queer guys, School and studying, Soho, Street, Time, Trannies, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Caniners

Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working!

–Williamsburg

Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.

–Brooklyn

Posted on June 16, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Assholes, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cocaine, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Education, Food, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Insults, Man's Best Friend, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women