Wednesday One-Liners Find It Difficult to Sit Down

NYPD emergency service cop to man carrying very large hamster in a cage: Whoa, did you pull that out of someone's butt?

–50th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Well we're in the neighborhood for it…

30-something to friend: She has everything up her ass but a cock.

–Broadway and Waverly

Tall man to short lady behind her wearing backpack: If you shove that bag any further up my ass, it'll be coming out my mouth!

–Downtown 5 Train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

20-something boyfriend to girlfriend: First I let you put a dildo up my ass, and then you call me a faggot!

–2nd Ave & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Joe

Gay man: Oh. My. God. What kind of friend puts eels up your ass?

–52nd St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Cops, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Friends, Friendship, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners

Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!

–Holiday Market, Union Square

Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!

–Gristedes, University Place

Overheard by: M

Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!

–Chavela's, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: zack g.

Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.

–1st Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Asaywhat

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Dads, Erections, Ethnic Food, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Height, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Queens, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Simon Cowell: Your Wednesday One-Liner Was Just Horrible!

Crazy man, singing in deep tenor voice: Meow! Meowwwwwwww! Meowwwww! Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

White woman, singing: That's the way/uh-huh/uh-huh/I like it! Brrr! Cock-a-doodle-do!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Thug, quietly to friends: Daaaamn, yo! I just wanta teabag that ho! (starts singing loudly) Come back girl, I juss wanta teabag, o, I juss wanta teabag yo ass!

–Outside Tech College, 31st & 10th

Woman in bathroom stall, singing operatically: I don't have a care in the world! (sneezes) Oh my god! Damn it!

–Actor's Equity Building

Overheard by: Natalie

Boy, singing: Vagiiiiiiinas… They're eeeeverywhere, vagiiiiiinas…

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Hobo, singing: I don't neeeeed no money! (pause) Well, that's not exactly true, that's just the words to the song.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Chris K.

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Crazies, Crazy, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Penis, Queens, Sex, Singing, Thugs, Vagina, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Treat Women and Men the Same

Film student: There's subtext to butt-sex?

–School of Visual Arts

Girl, to guy: Was your dick *in* my ass? Did we just do anal?

–Lower East Side

College girl: And my butthole is probably a lot tighter than hers.

–LIRR

Middle aged suit: I think I'd really enjoy anal because I always take such big craps.

–Union Square

Overheard by: alib

Woman to friend: Did you know the latest teenage fad is butt sex?

–177th St & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Backdoor, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Lower East Side, One-liners, Penis, Poop, Questions, School, Sorority Girls, Students, Suits, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

We're the Perfect Couple!

Drunk guy: You've had sex with a black man! That means you've definitely had sex with someone whose penis is bigger than mine!
Girlfriend: Yeah. Yeah, I have.
Drunk guy: Well, I've had sex with a virgin. Which means I've had sex with someone whose vag is tighter than yours. Ha.

–St. Marks Place

Posted on July 27, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Girlfriends, Lower East Side, Penis, Race, Sex, Vagina, Virginity

Wednesday One-Liners Are Confirmed Bachelors

Gay student in freight elevator to other students: This reminds me of every romantic encounter I've ever had.

–SVA George Washington Dorms

Overheard by: Nicole

Flamboyant gay man to another: Have you taken a trip down to his passion peninsula?

–Gay Club, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Gay guy to girl on his arm, kindly: That was a waste of your breath and my time.

–Broadway & E 7th

Overheard by: Jon A.

Flamboyant, queened-out Lady Gaga-style gay: Diva, you have to promise me that when I die, you'll head straight up to my apartment and remove all my dildos and drugs so my mom won't find them.

–A Train

Gay man to another: He's a genealogist. Of course he's a bottom!

–6th Ave & 13th St

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Comebacks, Death, Dildos and Vibrators, Drugs, Elevators, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Nostalgia, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Sexuality, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

And That Woman Would Go on to Become Attorney General.

Woman to thug: I don't care if you fuck other bitches. Fuck whoever you want!
Thug: Baby…
Woman: Seriously. Fuck until your dick falls off. I don't care.

–1 Train

Posted on June 14, 2010
Infidelity, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Penis, Promiscuity, Sex, Thugs, Wishes & desires, Women

…Which Brings Me to My Latest Invention

Guy: We should go bike riding.
Girl: I can't. I forgot how to ride a bike.
Guy: You don't forget to ride a bike.
Girl: Well, I don't believe that saying, because I forgot.
Guy: If you can ride a cock, you can ride a bike.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Annonymus

Posted on June 8, 2010
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Penis

Wednesday One-Liners Are “Technical Virgins”

Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.

–6th Ave & W 11th St

Overheard by: Matthew

Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: DAISYMAE

Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Kon

Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.

–SoHo

Overheard by: seal

Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!

–38th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on May 26, 2010
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Smug, Superior Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile.

–Washington Square Park

Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles.

–R Train

College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee.

–Williamsburg

Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis?

–Hunter College High School

Posted on May 12, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ethnic Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hunter, Laughter, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Questions, Sorority Girls, Teachers/Professors, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Penis