10-year old son to father: I'm going to punch you in the penis!
–Hudson & Desbrosses
Woman to 4-year-old: I do what I have to do to get things done. I'll even break some legs.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Girl to friend, sounding genuinely ecstatic: Yeah, he kneed me in the thigh, it was awesome.
–West Village
Woman on cell: Did you try changing its diaper? (pause) What about smacking it around a little and telling it to shut up?
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: Liz
Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical
Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.
–Steinway St
Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: kpan
Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?
–Uptown W Train
Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.
–W 14th & 6th
Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.
–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square
Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!
–University Place & 12th
Overheard by: Mikalena
Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?
–8th St & 3rd Ave
Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?
–E 14th St
Overheard by: Mimi
Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!
–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave
Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!
–Church & Canal
Overheard by: Ben
Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Igor Petrov
Woman in Santa Claus costume, looking lost: Excuse me, honey, do you live around here?
Girl: Yeah.
Woman in Santa Claus costume: Do you know where there's a bar called Johnson, or Hold My Johnson, or something?
Girl, laughing: Johnson's? It's right across the street.
–Rivington St
Overheard by: hahahaha
College bro #1: Yo, Troy! Guess who got voted biggest dick on campus?
College bro #2: I dunno, dude…
College bro #1, interjecting: You, man! High five!
–Fordham University
Old white guy #1, examining model building with acorn-topped pillars: They look like penises.
Old white guy #2: Yep.
–New York Botanical Gardens
Overheard by: that's what she said?
Dark-haired coed: So, oh my gosh! Wait! How big was it?
Blonde coed: Uhhh, yeah, oh…he was actually pretty small. Like, I only felt it, but…
Dark-haired coed: Oh my gosh! So, like, how small was it? Like a tootsie roll, or a cat's tail, or…
Blonde coed: Umm…I guess it could've been…maybe a tiny bit thicker than a cat tail. But, really, it was so so small and thin.
–FIT
White dude to black friend: Do you want to see my meat?
Asian dude, to no one in particular: You know, the stereotype isn't true. It isn't true!
Flustered party hostess: This is so not what I need to hear right now.
–W 11th St
High school girl: She banged some dude with no condom during her period, then she blew another guy after the basketball game.
–Panera, Queens
Overheard by: NBG1
Teen: My health teacher always yells at me for being late. Shouldn't she be, like, sustaining my self-esteem?
–Green Apple Cafe
Overheard by: Julie
Hippie teenager leaving bathroom: When I see you all later, I will not have any idea who the hell you are!
–Nokia Theater, Times Square
Overheard by: dan
Teenage girl to cute guy, after spitting on door window: I have a bad habit of spittin'.
–E Train
Overheard by: MrsBall
Teenager to crying little brother: Shut up! Stop it or I'll take away your ShamWow!
–Times Square
Overheard by: JYC
Teenage boy on cell: I won't cock-block! (pause) I won't cock-block!
–E 77th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Steve G
Girl on cell: Oh my god, I was watching some porn the other day and saw the creepiest thing! (pause) No, it's not a penis. I've seen penises before. (pause) No, it wasn't an ugly penis. That would be like…what, a herpes penis? (pause) So anyway, I was watching this porno, right? This guy lubed up his head and stuck it into a vagina. Like, up to his friggin'…past his nose! (pause, then laughing) I get off on lubed-up heads? (pause) Yeah, he was bald.
–11th St & 5th Ave
Preppy guy: If it's made out of brass, it's not pornographic.
–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Guy on cell: Yeah, so I got this one called Stick it in Deep.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: j
Indignant law student: Look, the fact is, the videos of animal torture were not being used for sexual gratification!
–Fordham Law School
Beatnik professor: The internet is only good for two things. Online banking is not one of them. If you online bank, then you're fucked for life. They'll steal your identity. The internet is good for porn, and for getting underwear on sale. Now, I know many people may find buying a brassiere online to be strange, but women do it anyway. Now, the internet is great for porn, but you can't do kiddie porn. If you do kiddie porn then they'll get you. We all know who they are.
–Queens College
