Hoochie lady to friend: Hooooo! Girl! Close yo' legs! You stinking up the whole damn train!
(stranger laughs)
Friend to stranger: What you think is so funny, white boy?
–Metro North
Hoochie lady to friend: Hooooo! Girl! Close yo' legs! You stinking up the whole damn train!
(stranger laughs)
Friend to stranger: What you think is so funny, white boy?
–Metro North
Old Jewish woman at the start of Yom Kippur: I think god wants me to be in a theater rather than in temple.
–45th & 8th
Little boy to friend: It wasn't until last year that I realized that not everybody is Jews!
–Near Columbia
Overheard by: CSims
Gym receptionist discussing television series Mad Men: It's sexist against women…and Jews, too!
–10th & 7th
Overheard by: Zack
Elderly Jewish woman, in hushed voice, to elderly Jewish man: My rabbi is an atheist who lives in Israel! What can you say?
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Rabbi's Agnostic daughter
Goyish looking guy with toddler in stroller: Well, you know the Hebrews always like to celebrate the New Year–especially in a year that ends in '69, if you know what I mean.
–Mercer & Broome
Overheard by: Garuda
Woman on cell: We're on the bus run by Hassidic Jews, ya know, like Woody Allen… It's like the Jewish express!… Nah, I'm covering up the phone so no one hears me.
–Vamoose Bus, Penn Station
Large man on payphone: I'm gonna kill her, man! I'm gonna fuckin' kill her! Then I'm gonna kill my cousin! I'm gonna go back to my house, kill that bitch, get my fuckin kittens, and kill my cousin! I want my kittens, man!
–SoHo
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Father to kids: Which would you prefer, kitty casserole or puppy stew?
–72nd & Broadway
Suit: So one time I went into the bathroom and the cat was just like sitting on the toilet so I just unloaded on it. I told my roommate, like, "don't touch the cat" and then later I saw his girlfriend playing with it and hugging and kissing it. It was very funny.
–Downtown 6 Train
Upset-looking college student on cell: Ugh! My cat almost just died…and you're making this about your feelings?!
–Columbia Quad
Student: That's okay, I'll just eat my mom and fuck my cat.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Toddlington
Student: Well, the situation in the essay is hopeless, you know? It's like finding a kitten in the subway and you want to take it with you because kittens just don't belong in the subway. But then you remember that you live in a building that doesn't allow pets and your roommate is allergic. So, your roommate is going to hate you and your landlord is going to evict you. I realize this is a bad example. I just really want a kitten.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Colleen
Mother to preteen daughter: Okay, just leave me alone now until we get in the air.
Daughter: Do you wanna hold my hand?
Mother: No, I don't wanna hold your hand. I have plenty of drugs and I just need to get in the zone.
–Inside Plane, LaGuardia
Overheard by: Pete
Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.
–A Bus
Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.
–5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!
–139th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!
–20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn
Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Got Knocked Out
Skater kid: Where's my tongue?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Toast
Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.
–B12 Bus
Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?
–M14D Bus
Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!
–R Train
Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head…how many heads does this thing have?
–Wall St & Broadway
Overheard by: Michael
Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.
–58th & Columbus Circle
Middle school girl on Nextel: Hi mom.
Mom (from Nextel): Hello?
Girl (into Nextel): Yeah, mom. Hello? I am on my way home.
Mom (from Nextel): Where are you?
Girl (into Nextel): I am just getting off the bus right now.
–Target, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lynda
Country gent with thick drawl: I need tickets for two seniors and two adults, please.
MTA booth worker: Okay, where you goin?
Country gent with thick drawl: My son's house.
MTA booth worker: What train station?
Country gent with thick drawl: I dunno, does “Hartford” sound about right?
–Harlem 125th Street Metro North Station
Black guy who just walked in: Excuse me, sir, have you been waiting for the train long?
White guy reading newspaper (with an Obama sticker on his bag): Sorry, I don't have any spare change.
Black guy: What?
–1 Train
Five-year-old girl: Mommy! Taking the train is fun! It's like going to the zoo! (points to several rats on the tracks)
Mother: Yes darling, just remember it's not a petting zoo! (frantically pulls her daughter away from the platform).
–Pacific St N Line
