With Wednesday One-Liners Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

Guy pouring himself cup of coffee to guy watching: You and I just really need to have a huge fight. I think that's the only way we can truly be friends.

–Fox News Breakroom

Overheard by: CreateEvity

College girl on cell: I'm a real-life imaginary friend to two different people.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Am I Imaginary?

Soft-spoken thug on cell: I don't want to upset my baby momma, but I don't want to lose you as a friend.

–123rd & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Girl on phone: His name isn't CJ, it's JP. He wants to be friends with me, I'm gonna friend the heck outta him!

–Lafayette & White

Loud gay guy: So he asks me, "are we still just friends?" and I'm like, "umm, your dick was just in my mouth. Thats not what just friends do."

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ricardo the Sex Machine

Suit to hot chick: So what's your take on the bottled water companies? Friend or foe?

–Odeon, Thomas & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fighting and ass kicking, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Nicknames & name calling, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, Suits, Thugs, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Girls Are Actually More About the Dew Point

Tall awkward white dude: So you mean to tell me you never question your sexuality?
Girl, shaking her head slowly: No.
Tall awkward white dude: I mean, it's not like it's conscience. It's like a barometer thing: when you meet someone, you just respond.

–7 Train

Posted on May 19, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Sexuality, Weirdness, White People

Ogrerotica!

Dude: So what have you been up to lately?
Gay friend: Oh, nothing. (pause) Oh! I've been writing a book about Shrek!

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: Cori

Posted on May 19, 2009
Books & Writing, Friends, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Queer guys, Questions

Then My Answer Is “Miasma”

Man #1: What's with this girl Desriree?
Man #2: (pauses, thinking)
Man #1: Come on, it's a yes or no question!

–Club, Ave B

Posted on May 18, 2009
Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Men, Questions, Weirdness

Isn't That a Gateway Drink?

Nerdy NYU freshman #1: Have you ever had a screwdriver?
Nerdy NYU freshman #2: What's that? Is that alcohol?
Nerdy NYU freshman #1: It's alcohol. But, it's orange juice. It tastes like orange juice with alcohol in it. So good.

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Posted on May 18, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Nerds, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Students, Union Square and East Village

…When You Stop Hanging Around With Me

Girl #1: What did your astrologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my husband in the next year. He's 6'4″ with salt-and-pepper hair. He has a title but he's not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he's a billionaire?
Girl #2: He's not a billionaire but he does well for himself. Oh, also he's French but he speaks seven languages.
Girl #2: Did she say anything about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shitty to alright.

–Holiday Cocktail Lounge, St Mark's & 2nd

Overheard by: wax

Posted on May 17, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Bars & Clubs, Foreigners, Girls, Hair, Height, Jobs & Careers, Languages, Marriage, Money & Class, Physical appearance, Psychic, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

How to Get Your Child Chased with Torches, in One Easy Step

Five-year-old girl, watching NYU protest: Mommy, what is going on?
Mom: Oh. it's just kids who don't want to pay for tuition.
Five-year-old girl, screaming to protesters: Pay your tuition!

–NYU

Posted on May 17, 2009
Activists, Kids, Moms, NYU, Parents, Politics, Questions, School and studying, Wishes & desires

How You Know It's Time to Distract Your Child with Ice Cream

Small boy: So abortion isn't like killing, it's like stopping?
Small boy's mother: Yes, honey…it's all very complicated, but, some people think that a baby can't be killed when it's inside the womb because it's not really a baby yet.
Small boy: So, it's not a baby till it's out?
Small boy's mother: That's right.
Small boy: And then we can kill them?

–M103 Bus

Overheard by: Lilly

Posted on May 17, 2009
Abortion, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, Murder, On the Bus, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Should've Used a Condom

For When the Interviewer Asks Why They Should Hire Me

Passenger to Asian girl carrying strange bag: Is that a didgeridoo in your bag?
Asian girl: Excuse me?
Passenger: Is that a didgeridoo in you bag?
Asian girl: Oh no, it's my sword.

–Elevator, 39th St

Overheard by: Baby Dinosaur

Posted on May 17, 2009
Asians, Elevators, Instruments, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Passengers, Questions, Strangers, Weapons

Trust Me– I've Thought About This a Lot.

Crazy guy, about Scottish Deerhounds: See, they've got personality. They're enjoying themselves. They've got four legs, but we say we're smarter? I wish I had four legs.
German owner of Deerhounds: Then you couldn't open doors.
Crazy guy: But what if one of my front paws had a hand? Then I could open doors.

–Marcus Garvey Dog Run, 120th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: anna

Posted on May 17, 2009
Body Parts, Crazies, Foreigners, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Man's Best Friend, Parks, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Questions