Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Who's Gonna Make a Lion Use the Litter Box?

Small boy, in genuine distress: Daaaaddy… It's dis-gust-ing in heeeere.
Father: I know. Come on, let's do our business.
Small boy: It smells like a lion pooped on the floooor! I wanna leave.
Father: Me, too.

–Men's Bathroom, Bronx Zoo

Posted on July 15, 2010
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Kids, Parents, Parks, Poop, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, The Bronx

Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners!

NYU professor: Stay away from drugs. (pause) Unless they're recreational and you know what you're doing!

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: liz

Tall kid: I don't like opiates in general. I'm for up, not down. At any rate, I have a fucking honky horn!

–Hunter College High School

Guy: I think I need to do more shrooms and acid.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Jordan

Girl to friend: You should try something natural, like shrooms.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julie

Druggie clerk on cell: I mean: come on, man! That's my fucking apartment. If he wants to smoke weed or shoot up in my apartment, it's like, whatever. But crack? No. That's my fucking home. Seriously.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Emmy

Posted on June 16, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Drugs, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Home, Sweet Home, Hunter, Insults, Kids, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…In the True Spirit Of Easter.

Teen skater #1: Dude, I wanted to chill on Easter but my mom said I had to go to church.
Teen skater #2: You should've said “mom, fuck church!”
Teen skater #1: Dude, if I had said “fuck,” I wouldn't be alive. I would've been under the couch. My mama would've stuffed me in a bag… Put some incense on that shit so it wouldn't smell.

–6 Train

Overheard by: trying not to laugh

Posted on June 4, 2010
Church, Death, Insults, Murder, On the Subway, Parents, Sensory Experiences, Skaters, Teens, Wishes & desires

JWowsday One-Liners

Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow…

–Lafayette & St. James

Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey.

–Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it…

–Union Square

Overheard by: wgoddessw

Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ

Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on June 2, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Black People, Bosses, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Frat Boys, Friends, Guys, Men, One-liners, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Stoners, Teens, TV, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Love You, Man

Drunk chick: Who wants a bite of my freak salad? Whoo!

–Hudson & W 11th

Very drunk male hipster: Whass the problem? Roofies make you goofy!

–Stanton & Allen

Wasted college girl: Guys, let's go get more drunk! I wanna get laid! (to another girl on cell) Tell your boyfriend I wanna get laid!

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh, dear.

Man of questionable sobriety: She tore off my shirt with her teeth, and then covered my chest in Jameson, licked it off, and then humped my face until I fell off the swing.

–Red Restaurant, South Street Seaport

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Columbia University, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Hipsters, Lower East Side, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sorority Girls, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

A Premium Cut Of Grade-A Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to boyfriend, after taking deep breath: Can you smell that? It's like the ghost of meats past!

–10th Ave, Meatpacking District

Suit: Turkey-bacon? How did you guys get them in one meat?

–Grand Central Place

Young lady to another: And then we were all treated to sausages…

–E. Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: Luke McPartlin

Five-year-old boy to bewildered mother: We're gonna go work for a giant meatball!

–86th St & Lexington

Distraught-looking white woman to boyfriend: I just wish I'd gotten the more expensive steak. (boyfriend nods sympathetically)

–Upper East Side

Posted on May 19, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Grand Central, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Then You Die

Girl to friends: When I get really thirsty, I get confused whether I'm thirsty or not.
Guy friend: Yeah, that happens.

–110th & Broadway

Posted on May 11, 2010
Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Smell My Wednesday One-Liners! Smell Them!

Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum?

–City Hall New York Sports Club

Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita!

–Union Square

Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r.

–R Train

20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better.

–Bond St

Posted on April 21, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Asians, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cum, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Latinos, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wait– It's Coming Around Again!

Ditzy girl: Omigod, I just had deja vu. Except it was like for the third time, so it was deja vu of my deja vu.
Ditzy friend: That's really cool.
Ditzy girl: I know. It's like deja vu or something.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: WHAT?!

Posted on April 15, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Stuyvesant

Sensory Experiences

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now